Just Feel - This May Be Goodbye

I have spent my life avoiding feelings; never really able to give myself or receive true feeling because I thought it would make me vulnerable or weak and I thought that if I did, I would just get hurt. I ran away, I buried them and I lived in denial of feelings because they were too frightening and I thought that they could destroy me. Turns out that not feeling is what had almost destroyed me. Not feeling had enticed me to live in a closed world. Not feeling had hurt me and everyone else around me.

Are we really capable of feeling these days? To truly reach out and give without it being selfish? To completely open our hearts to the world and its inhabitants without being afraid that it will leave us bare and hurt us in the end? Are we capable of living a life that is good for the environment? That is good for other human beings? That is good for the very energies that bring us together and gives us hope? Are we capable of releasing our fears and truly feeling?

We live in a land of confusion where feelings are measured, are scrutinized and are feared because we may lose in the end. We are afraid that we may feel too much, we are afraid that we may feel too little, we are afraid to get hurt, we are afraid to hurt others, we are afraid of being taken advantage of; where does this endless fear come from? Is it the endless news slayings of spouses? Is it the countless movies portraying psycho killers? Is it the easy life that we have lived where nothing really matters? Is it a sense that we will lose ourselves? Is it the fear of being alone? Is it the fear of not being alone? What are we afraid of? Are we afraid of learning, about others and ourselves? Are we afraid of not feeling 'special'? Are we afraid that we may have to sacrifice for a relationship or a better life? What is it that scares us so? Why do we seem to believe in the flawed and fear the new and possible as too frightening?

When our minds, which are obviously conditioned, take over our decisions of feeling, what happens? Do we just justify the emotions away? Do we just ignore them? Do we go through the thousands of 'what-ifs' in our minds and tell ourselves it is too difficult? Do we pick out perceived flaws and justify them away? What happens when you see a homeless person on the street? What do you think? What do you feel? What do you feel when you see news casts about death in far away places? What do you feel when someone proves you wrong? What do you feel on a day-to-day basis? Is it confusion? Are you being pulled in many different directions? Where do you eventually end up?

Why do we refuse to accept that there is wrong in the world which we call society? I am not talking of the thieves, or murderers, or terrorists, I am talking about the very system that we are locked into; the very system that makes us all complicit in one way or another, the very system that makes it acceptable not to help others if it is not economically viable. Is it the guilt? Is it the shame? Do we not want to accept any blame for anything? Is our ego all too important to see what we all do, what we all accept as "just the way it is" or "reality"? Have we really lost the ability to see the "good" future through the fog of the present reality? Where has the imagination gone? Where has the compassion gone?

When did fighting for a love that one believes in become an act of psychosis? When did we start to believe that someone that loves us can actually do us harm and fear them so? When did the fear become so strong that it just over shadows any feeling that may be positive? When did we become so obsessed in ourselves that others just no longer matter?

I remember being in Namibia for two years as a volunteer and having most of my possessions stolen in a break-in; I also remember telling myself that I hope the people responsible needed them more than I did. I admit that that thought did not come immediately, it took some time but in the end it was not about me or my possessions. I had begun to feel for the first time in my life.

I don't know what to feel any more. I am hurt, destroyed and just plain broken these days. I feel betrayed, useless and that I just don't belong anywhere. Will I ever be able to give myself to anything or anyone again? Can I still believe that humanity has it within itself to have compassion and heal itself? Will I ever again believe in love; be it universal or between two people? I am done; I don't know if I will ever write again. I don't know if I will ever care again. I don't know if I will ever believe in anything positive in this crap that we call life.

To those that have followed my ramblings throughout the time that my mind has released its thoughts, I thank you for your support; I also apologize for bringing you into my despair and the negativity that I seem to bring out in the world. Maybe one day I will heal myself but then again, maybe I shall just disappear and never be heard from again.

Which Path?

As I look around and see what we have become, I am frightened by the majority of people that I see. Those that have nothing to give; looking out for number one because 'who else should I look out for?'. Self preservation seems to be the order of the day; the future can wait for I don't want to miss a thing nor feel any discomfort.

Carl Jung adamantly declared that “Mental illness is the avoidance of suffering.” - Collectively, we are afraid of discomfort and avoid its potential for our growth and development. So how do we move forward? If we view everything as 'good' or 'evil', how can we learn from the 'negatives' in life and move towards a more 'positive' future? How do we accept that the 'negatives' are just as important as the 'positives' and that unity of the whole is only achieved through the overcoming of separation.

Contrary to what I have been accused of, I write because I care, because I want a better world for our children's children and because I believe that love in the world can overcome the selfish tendencies which we have developed throughout our lives; the separation which keeps us in check and afraid. I see the problems in the world, not because I am negative, but because I can see past that and reach for something better; I can imagine a better world and a better society. If one reads my writings, they can tell that I still believe in humanity, for without that there is solely pure despair and resentment.

I have not told any lies, I have not manipulated any minds and I have not done anything out of pure selfishness. Sure I may not be as selfless as I would like to think but I do know that without seeing the problems, there can never be any solutions. I do know that without the ability to see clearly, we will forever remain in a cloud of doubt and fear. All I want in life is to do good and to give and receive love; for myself and for the world. I have been equated to my observations and writings; angry, negative and a danger to those that just want to be normal. I have been portrayed as a monster because I see the injustices and the manipulations in the world around me. I have been tossed aside because I am perceived as a danger to life as we know it and its comfort zone.

Some people will never really believe in love, for their selves will always be more important than the discovery of togetherness and community, than giving yourself in such a way that you can see a new and improved you forming before your eyes; for if there is a new me, what happened to the old self I know and am comfortable with? Love is the removal of barriers which keep us separated from other beings; when we hold onto those barriers or boundaries, we can never really accept love and we can never really give ourselves as completely as it may deserve; we can never really give it or ourselves a chance.

So what do I do? Where do I go? How do I again believe that good will always prevail or that love will find a way? I am at a crossroad in my life; where I can choose the path of simplicity and acceptance; the one well travelled and universally accepted as the norm. The one that offers least resistance and fewer judgements; the 'complaint free world'. Or do I continue to see and fight for something better. Do I continue to put others before myself and truly try to find that path which won't offend others into fearing me, into running away from me and into finding me offensive to the point of simply tossing me aside for I am judged as too much work and simply not worth it.

I have never felt so alone in life but at the same time, I have never felt so connected.

On The Edge Of Insanity - Coming Back To The Good

It is interesting how powerful a broken heart can be. It can push and pull you into all sorts of directions that you normally would not venture. It can bring you to the edge of insanity and sometimes even push you over. I narrowly escaped its clutches throughout all of this. My pain had engulfed me so completely that all I wanted to do in the end was lash out in hopes that the other party would hurt as much as I did.

What happened to the love that I had? I never wanted to hate this woman; I never wanted to resent her. So what happened? How did I let myself get so consumed by the pain that she hurled at me and allow myself to wish bad things upon her. How did I forget who I was and concentrate solely on 'my pain' without considering the pain that she too is going through? How did I make this all about 'me'?

I awoke this morning after a night of drinking, to find that I had posted, out of anger, nasty things about this woman. I swiftly deleted what I had done but it made me realize that this is as close to insanity that I want to get. I realized that I must release my pain and move on if I want to be of any use to myself and to others. I realized that I simply traded the pain from my childhood for the pain that she caused me and was still holding onto it and keeping myself from truly moving forward.

It is true that I have never felt this way before, nor have I ever been treated this badly but that does not excuse what I almost turned into. I know that all I wanted from this woman was to give and receive love - and we did for the most part - but I also know that I must move forward and forgive this woman, as she deals with her own issues that caused this pain and that I must wish her well in her future.

I don't want to hate, I don't want to resent and I don't want to hold a grudge and punish this woman. There is too much punishment in the world already; I simply want to heal. This was never about me, this was about the pain that she had held in for her lifetime. I am just a victim of her own inner turmoil and must forgive her for that if I want to ever be able to feel again. This is the hardest part, taking my own advice, following what I know has to be done in order to grow as a person and release myself of the pain that I continue to hold onto to. For the first time in four months, I did not wake up crying today; this is a good sign.

I Don't Believe Any More

The blaming, the anger, the accusations, the resentment and the pain; all things that seem to be a lot easier to hold onto and believe in than the love which may leave us bare; forever viewing love as a weakness. Again, facing ourselves, the people that we have become and the persons that we wish to be, is the most difficult thing in the world to come to grips with.

It is easier to hate, to loath, to accuse, hold onto our pain and just wipe clean the memories of love than to come to grips with our own limitations or faults and work through them. It is easier to view the world as an enemy than to love it for what it is and what it could be. This is the basis of our relationships; consuming until it is spent, then deleting, forgetting, moving on, blaming and letting go until we consume the next without really looking at our own complicity of the pain and the situation that brought us to it.

How can I believe any more? How can I believe that love will find a way? How can I believe in a better world? How can I believe in the good of others when all they ever do is show me that they do not believe in love and are all too selfish? They seem to be fighting so hard for 'independence', to stand on their own two feet to save them from the change of unity; forever afraid to 'lose' themselves because this is the only thing that they know. The unknown is a chance that most do not want to take for they fear that all it can bring is misery.

Do we have to be alone, in order to come to grips with ourselves? How is my 'independence' going to teach me about love and the unity of life? This seems to be the only way forward for some, as long as they can do it and not just revert back to their current selves. As we move forward, we seek out people that we think can help, but can they really? Can the limitations of others really help us overcome our own? So we search for people that can help us but what we settle for are people that echo back our own limitations. When we do find someone strong enough to get us through, we fear them and toss them aside, all the while justifying it with our fears and the imaginary situations that they portray all the while being justified by our peers and our own fearful minds.

Why change the world when everyone says that it is OK? When our lives seem comfortable for the moment, why rock the boat? The thousands that die everyday don't directly affect me, so why even think about it? 'It just brings me down.' It seems that everyone wants that 'complaint free world' but no one is willing to work for it, they are just willing to live in denial of the truth.

Everyone I know is locked into the system; they have regular jobs, families, homes and they obey all laws without question. Everyone that I care for lives their lives 'as it is meant to be'. How does one go against this? How can I keep thinking differently? How can I keep believing that 'it can be better' for everyone?

I am so tired of fighting the 'right now' for a better future, of losing those close to me simply because I can think of a time when things will be fairer and of being discarded whenever I don't measure up to 'normal' because I ask too many questions or think differently. I have recently suffered the greatest loss in my life because I think that I am doing good when others view me as an attacker and arrogant. They think that I employ some sort of mind control in the way that I talk and fear me for I will 'drag them through the mud' if they listen to me.

I am so tired of 'be able to see' what others refuse to, of seeing the world and society for what it has become, of believing that there is a better way and that love will save the world. I am tired of not being normal, of not being loved, of not being accepted, of being viewed as offensive. The blame never stops; blamed for my parents, blamed for my life, blamed for not being the man that society portrays as a success even blamed for imaginary future scenarios; the 'what-ifs' of a relationship.

I have never been interested in making money or in the competition of everything. Having to 'compete', with the measure of life itself being 'economics'; judged by what you do, what you own, how much you can provide and never really reaching that 'desired' level because there will never be enough. I have always just wanted a simpler life, one with more living and less 'making a living'.

We compete with family, friends, lovers and they all compete with us. The separation that occurs with each word, action or disappointment wears you down until one day it boils over. Fights, arguments, divorces, it's all the same; the building of boundaries that separate us from one another, the reason that love no longer matters and no longer is worth working at. The reason that we cannot see what is in front of us because 'it just doesn't affect me'.

I believed in love; one that forgives, that talks, that is willing to fight and that is strong enough to get through tough times. I just don't know if I can keep believe in it. We are all too eager to punish instead of heal so I no longer know if the love that the world needs to heal itself actually exists. I don't know if the love that is needed to heal our selves is possible at this point for our selves have become way too selfish.

So it is the end for whatever good that I may have been feeling, the end of my belief in 'love' and its wondrous 'powers'; there is no love, so let the anger return for at least I can count on that and it never lets me down.

I am a broken man, having given my heart so completely only to have it thrashed over and over again, having believed that 'love would prevail' only to have it kick me, again and again, when I was down. I cannot go on like this.

What do I have left? What can I think when the world and its human population just seems to care for itself? No future for the next generations, for they will have to deal with that themselves. When you confront them about being selfish, they usually reply with 'who else should I think of?'. No love for others, for they might just get in the way of 'what I am feeling'. The whole world is selfish and 'looking out for number one', not caring about where we are headed, not caring about the hearts that they trample on because if they did, 'they might feel bad' and we wouldn't want that.

So we 'move on' and wait for the next heart to trample on. We search for that 'connection' that never seems to come to us and we try to live life in a 'complaint free' environment. I cannot do it any more, I cannot play these games that care only for my own well being, I need more; I need to think about the future that we leave.

So bring back the anger that I just recently shed myself of, bring back the hate towards every last one of you selfish bastards, for if I hold onto love, I am the one that will get hurt and I am the one that will be destroyed forever.

Where Did The Orgasm Go?

In the age of digital communications, there is so much of 'us' that seems to be 'lost in translation'. I was watching TV (for some reason) and there was a commercial for one of the giant communications corporations giving statistics on the amount of breakups occurring via text, voice mail and email and I was so saddened by it. It seems that the affairs of the heart, the connections to others that we so need have been reduced to just another statistic and something that can easily be thrown away and marketed for the profit of the few.

No longer looking someone in the eye and telling them how we feel or even allowing them to see us through our own deceptions, we leave, run, breakup and split; forever looking for the '29 dimensions of compatibility' (eharmony.ca). We search for that 'love' that we are told all of our lives exists, but we never seem to give it a chance for what we search for seems to be what we are now and not what we need for the future. We seem to search for 'ourselves' without understanding that 'change' is what we really need; in ourselves and in the world. We have a seemingly infinite number of friends but do we really connect or open ourselves to any of them?

We have friends that we go to dinner with, we have friends that we go to shows with, we have friends that we go on vacations with but who are we really? Are we just what we portray depending on whom we are with? Are we forever doomed to portray a face that another will accept instead of showing who we really are? We portray sadness in order not to invoke jealousy or happiness so that others won't 'feel sorry for us' but when do we really get the chance to see ourselves? When can we really grow and explore who we are and find the loving and caring people that we all want to be? When can we ever really just be and enjoy what happens without judgement or fear of it? We tend to see our giving, opening and accepting of the love of others as a vulnerability and our own love as a weakness, rather than seeing it as a strength that can transcend the fears that our minds feed us.

Let us think about the 'power of the orgasm' for a minute (or forever). It is amazing how it works for it is when the body connects so strong, that it can wash away the voices of the mind and actually let the spirit free to see what is real without the distractions that the world conditions us to see. What happened to our sexual revolution? In the sixties, the establishment was worried, for with the sex came connections and pleasure which seemed to blow away the clouds of our egos and allowed us to bare ourselves to each other; to connect on a level that no one could 'control'. The voices that control us, the insecurities that echo in our minds and separate us out of fear seemed to vanish and allowed a genuine communication and connection to take place; what happened to that? How did the fire in our spirits get so easily extinguished?

In the age of 'sex sells' everything and 'porn' is a manner of control for anyone willing to bare all, where did it take us? Have we been frightened into believing that the most natural of human interactions can be harmful or shameful? Have we buried our desires based upon 'those types just have no respect for themselves'? Where is the openness that the 'orgasm' brings? Why has that turned into a competition and a way to 'prove oneself', instead of the enjoyment and the connection that it is designed to bring? A real 'orgasm' only occurs when one can give themselves completely, without fear of judgement and the struggle of control; when one can accept that a 'change' will occur in both parties and that a 'growth' will occur as two people become one with each other. A real orgasm can make us see that the world can be a beautiful place, so long as we don't fear the unknown or the what-ifs.

As we become one with ourselves and are able to open and accept others and the love that they have to give, only then will be be able to get past the voices in our minds; the ones that tell us how to act, what to fear and to question our very existence and actions. Only then will we be able to give and receive what the world needs to heal itself. Only then will humanity really have a chance to move forward and to come together for the benefit of all the world's inhabitants. It is the fears that keep us 'in check' and keep us from accepting the changes that will transcend the injustices. That keep us from believing in a 'Utopian' world that is just for all and that keeps us forever suckling at the tit of the competition based system that tries so hard to keep from slipping away into the abyss that it must eventually flow.

Go out and find your 'orgasm', for your body, mind and spirit for it can set you free, if you let it. Find the 'self' that can give completely, without question and without fear and don't analyze, feel and trust your selves, for we all have the capacity to give and receive, to form a better humanity for all; don't run from your emotions but rather, embrace them for only then can we begin to 'feel' again.

The Voyage Of Forgiveness

Seeing the evolution of me throughout my life has been the roughest voyage that I could ever embark on. Coming to grips with the pain that I have held in for so long and internalizing the pain of others whom I may or may not have had some influence in and making myself hard for so many years. I had forgotten how to love, how to forgive and most importantly, how to release myself from the pain and throw some love my way.

I have been connecting with myself and family that I have not seen for up to 25 years or so lately. I listen a lot but now I can finally open up to see and feel the joys and pains that they themselves have held in for so long. The things that they have convinced themselves of and found that 'I am not the only one'.

I have an aunt that has not really slept in 30 years and I talked with her today along with others about it. She disclosed to me many things and I picked up on a lot during the afternoon. She seems to be holding all the pain inside for everyone, taking a lot of responsibility for everything. Her husband, has had 2 brain operations and some feel that 'he is no longer there' and she is the one that has had to re-teach him how to do things such as eat. I listened while she told me of her daughter and the husband that she had lost at an early age and I could feel all of the pain that my aunt had internalized, how she still pains because this man had died within 3 days and at the age of 41 with 3 kids at home.

I shared with her my understanding, that the only thing that anyone in life can be certain of is death but that we have to focus on the 'life' that the person had and not on the 'end' that so many tend to. I told her that she has to release herself and allow her heart to be happy again so that she may enjoy some sleep. Now I know that this sounds simplistic and I know that I may be full of it, but I do believe that healing one's self is key to being able to open up to the good instead of just focusing on the negative.

As I talked and everyone listened to what it was that I had to say and felt the things that I was saying may actually be truths, I noticed something; the uncle that was not really there was listening intently. I could see the focus in his mind and the understanding of my words and the smile on his face at times as I spoke of healing the self and letting go of the hurt. Now letting go does not mean forgetting, but instead seeing it as the good even if the negatives were so memorable.

So we talked and discussed, life, kids, family, joys and pains. I listened as my mother and the two women counted stories of the past but a lot of focus was made on the bad and the wrongs that they remember. I asked 'why do we remember the past wrongs?' Why is it that we focus our personal experiences on those instead of seeing the rights and forgiving those that wronged us? Now I am not saying to bury the past and not see the wrongs of say society or what has led us to where we are today, but in the personal family of 'he did this' and 'she did that' of loved ones, why is the negative so easy to remember?

They were talking of the new man that the daughter had found but were also fearful and 'hoped' that he was a 'good' man. My other aunt had said that she attracted a good man before so her choice was probably good. She also mentioned that she herself had never attracted 'good' men, so she has been alone for 25 years, never really giving anyone a chance for fear of hurt and failure. I asked her why she was so hard on herself.

When I was outside, the one aunt turned to my mother and said 'I wish my kids could communicate like that' and as we left, the uncle that rarely speaks coherently, took my hand and said 'you are doing good' and that melted my heart, for it made me see that I can do good with my words instead of just trying to make people angry enough to take action.

I will leave this by saying that we need to communicate, not just with others but with ourselves honestly. We need to be open, not separated from each other and ourselves. I cannot stop what I see in the world, but I can view it in a more humanistic way. If we want to have a future for the generations to come, forgive yourselves and others so that your children may learn to do the same.

I don't usually quote anyone here but I like this - "Love being nothing other than a release of the boundaries that separate us from another being." - Charles Eisenstein

The Razor Sharp Mind

Facing yourself and admitting your wrongs is the hardest thing one can do in their lifetime. Admitting that all those times that you may have been 'right' were actually your way of cutting your emotional side off and alienating everyone around you from the love that you so needed in order come to grips with the turmoil inside, is the only way to evolve and finally start to love yourself and others wholly.

I am speaking of my own experience here, the loss that it took for me to finally admit that what I was doing was not opening my mind to everything that came at me but instead, in my own way, I was erecting the walls around my heart that had hurt ever since I was a boy and I was hiding behind that and was pushing everyone that got close to climbing over, right back down to the start of the ladder that I had laid there but never let anyone get to the top. I was watching them climb up then fall, until they could take it no more.

I had smoked pot for years, from morning to night in the last stages and I see what it had done to me. I had told myself and others, quite convincingly, that it helped me to deal with what I could see and the society that seems to not care about what it does to each other. Sure my mind was sharp but the blades of harshness were always at the ready to cut apart any emotion that came my way or any sensitivity that would have enabled me to truly grow into the person that I had so wanted to be. The mind was sharp and the pot kept the blades at the ready; ready to put anyone that got in the way of me being 'right', into a pile of diced up emotions on the floor waiting to be swept away by the next wave of logic. The pot had made sure that I myself never fell into the 'trap' of being too emotional causing me to believe that I was 'free' but really locking me into my mind, surrounded by harsh words and soothing them away as a logical conclusion.

Under its spell, I hated everything; crowds, lines, society, babies, mothers, cats, shoes, soy milk (OK that might be a good thing)... everything. I thought that I was capable of 'love' and all the while I could not even show it to myself, let alone the two people that I do deeply love. I would say things that sounded good, made a lot of sense and perhaps were even right but without the emotion to back it up, it was just hollow and really meant nothing; for without the love required to save myself, how could I even hope to positively influence any change in anyone else and share the knowledge that I do hold?

I was cold for so long, I let the pot take over my heart for I was in control of my mind, but what is a mind without a heart but a cold instrument of torture that logically beats its victims into submission. Without being able to see 'light' in the world or anyone else, how could I even expect to be able to receive the love that I wasted for so long and even thought that I could give.

Some advice for those of you that use marijuana to hone your analytical skills; be aware that what it also does is harden the soft side of you so that anyone that wishes to get close, has to work so hard that in the end, they themselves may end up close to destruction and flee before they are sucked into the dark vortex of light-less judgement and blame.

Do yourselves a favor or maybe an experiment, stop for a while and check out the world in a new light; stop and FEEL. See that there is good in everyone, no matter how confused they may seem to you or how illogical their words may sound to you. You may find that people have more to offer than you gave them the chance to when you can finally open yourself up. You may find that people will open up to you if you can finally love yourself enough to see who they are. Logic is a good tool if it is used right, but without an emotional connection to the world and its inhabitants, what is the point? If you don't love yourself or the world, why change it? It will still disappoint you in the end for that is all you end up doing to yourself.

In Defense Of The Ego

It is difficult to be able to see things that others simply refuse to see. To be able to admit to yourself that 'I have been programmed to believe 'something' and then see it in a new light for the very first time. When one can see beyond the world that we live in and towards a future that is sustainable, fair and just, one just wants others to share that vision and the world to move towards such a Utopian dream.

When one shares the truths that one sees with others, the labels, almost immediately (sometimes not out loud), begin to fly about: conspiracy theorist, arrogant, domineering, insensitive, disrespectful, selfish, asshole, bastard, jerk, uncaring, without feeling, uncompromising, crazy, a threat, an attacker, not politically correct (always a favorite) or just plain anti-social or too philosophical. It seems far easier to discredit those that may have some genuine wisdom brought about by experience, self examination and observation of the environment around them than to see the flaws within ourselves.

Be they friends, family, lovers, strangers; most of the reactions are the same. The judgements come out in defense of their egos because a 'truth' which I believe in, may, in some way, implicate them in their own minds. The truths may force them to look within themselves and to challenge what it is that they themselves believe after a lifetime of experience, pain, joy, education and force them to question the very being that they believe is their 'self'.

They search for validation in the form of excuses, beliefs, friends and family that agree with them and block out the 'intruder', as they must be the 'evil' one and the world that they know and have always lived in, must be 'sane'. They look for a scapegoat to demonize in order to corroborate their own views, which must be true, for they have lived this long with them. The 'new' influence or view must be wrong because it is new (and therefore not validated) and seems to go against everything that they have learned or may go against a society which they live in. The feeling that we must believe in the society because we must live in it, takes over and the intruder is nullified.

I can tell you that nothing hurts more than having those that you love and believed loved you, turn against you. To hear all of the accusations and impugning words come from those that once supported and encouraged you is something that could kill an unstable and weak person. Fortunately I am strong and realize that I must be 'true to myself', for being true to me means I can admit my mistakes, I can forgive those that attack me and most importantly I can still believe in the universal love of humanity not the separation of our current state of affairs. If I were to go against these to accommodate those that view me as an adversary, then I would simply have to resign my beliefs in humanity and a world that can be more just for all and of a better future for the generations to come.

Now I never claimed to be an 'expert' or better than everyone else but I will not sell myself short either; I know that I am an intelligent man with an ability to see what is in front of me that most people ignore. My greatest ability in life has been the ability to learn, to observe, to realize and now, to reflect. I know that my writings started out as angry and as an attack of the world and society but I feel that I have grown since then; I no longer hold onto the anger but instead see the love that is possible to make one grow to beyond even their own limits. I can observe and reflect on what has happened in my own life and psyche and see the patterns involved between the 'formation' of a society and the 'realization' of the self. I also know now that this is not something that can be taught but must instead be realized on an individual level.

Why is it that we seem to be threatened by someone that has wisdom (although I can''t claim this)? Can a person have wisdom without being 'educated' or holding a degree? Can one not realize the simplicity of psychology and the effects of sociological training through their own observations and experiences rather than through an 'accredited' form of 'education'? What is it that we fear? We seem to be in a world where everyone wants to do things their way, even if their way is lacking. So they fight and they blame, call people control freaks and throw away their love - for they seem to deem themselves not worthy if the idea didn't originate from them. Why are we so afraid to learn from one another? Why do our egos get so bruised?

I have figured out a lot of things on my own in life and I will not be held down by fears, apprehensions or just plain angst; I will not be a puppet of the system and will continue to develop my mind and my heart. Yes I do know about a lot of different things but that does not make me inflexible or arrogant for I am always willing to learn something new as long as it comes from a logical approach. I will not internalize the fears of others nor will I compromise the knowledge or the wisdom that I have acquired for someone who may 'not be ready' and ready to 'fight'. If my words make you uncomfortable, that is not my problem, for I only speak the truth as I understand it. Look within yourselves and find your own truths because I can no longer take the blame for your inadequacies and lack of understanding.

Two of the truths and how I understand them:

The ego is a culmination of a life's experience and conditioning, the little voices in our minds that question, analyse, judge and fear anything that challenges the status-quo and our perceived selves. This is what causes us to separate for this is what gets bruised when something challenges our knowledge or questions our beliefs. This is what drives us crazy.

The true self is the part of us that can break through the ego and realize that we all love, that we all live and that we and all of nature are interconnected. This is what gives me hope, for it can bring us together, through understanding and a humility that says "I need each and every one of you and what you have to offer". This is the part that accepts our failures as learning experiences and our lack of knowledge as a chance to grow. This is what can set us free. This is the 'self' that we need, for without it we are all just frightened children that have never really grown up, continually fighting amongst each other over who's dad can beat up who's.

The Ease Of Hate

Why is it that we are so hard on ourselves? We seem to internalize everything that goes wrong; in our lives, in our friends, in our lovers, in the world - we seem to punish ourselves for everything that causes pain, discomfort and separation. When that is not enough or we can no longer punish ourselves, we lash out at the ones we love and try to intentionally hurt others in order to make ourselves feel better.

What have we learned in our lives? Where did all the hatred come from? Why is it so easy to hate yet so difficult to love?

I hate a certain style of clothes, hairstyle, food, car, music, people on T.V., the list goes on and on. Now what do we love? Hate is such a powerful emotion yet it seems to be wasted on everything, seems to be thrown about with no remorse. I tried to hate and I hated for a long time. Mainly myself but also others and everything to do with society. I don't want to hate anymore.

Is this the only emotion that comes easily these days? Are we that dissatisfied with everything or so easily hurt that hate is the only emotion that seems to surface? We hate it when someone contradicts us, we hate it when they seem to know more than us, we hate it when they don't seem to listen to us, what is the problem here? Have our lives become so about 'me' that we can just hate everything that seems to challenge 'me'? Are we so insecure, that everything that contradicts us is considered a personal attack? Are we so afraid to be caught out as the people that can no longer love without conditions that we instead go on the attack ourselves, all in the name of self preservation and saving face?

What are we doing to each other? Can we not see the love that is possible, if only we let our guards down? Do we no longer believe that love can truly exist? Have we been so conditioned to competition that everyone we meet is essentially capable of stealing part of the life energy that we think we need to survive? Do we really so NEED to be recognized that we would rather fight than learn, we would rather hate than admit we are wrong or that we did not realize something on our own? It seems to be far easier to hate Muslims than it does to view scientific evidence which may implicate something or someone closer to home to the events of 9/11.

We hate that girl on Survivor, we hate that guy on The Amazing Race, we hate that person that wins the lottery, we hate that other sports team, we hate that person that got the promotion over us, we hate the person who knows more than us; is this the only 'natural' emotion that we have left? We change the channel, we delete the exes, we burn memories, we hate a race of people, but why? Do we really think that this is the way to make 'us' feel better? Do we really believe that an experience in life, whether bad or good, should be forgotten rather than learned from? Do we really believe that love can just be extinguished forever, simply by hating?

One year after separation or divorce, 50% of children of divorced or separated families never see their fathers again, why is this? Is this because the children end up with the mothers and hear how bad men are? Is this because the fathers no longer love them? Is this because the children no longer love their fathers? Is this fueled by shame, guilt and a myriad of other negative emotions? We are at a time when divorce is a %50 probability, what does this do? Does this not instill fear of trust, communication, honesty and love itself? Why does this happen? Could it be that in our separation from community to the self that we close down and never really open up, for anyone could be a danger or an attacker? How do we learn this?

If we cannot treat ourselves and the people that we meet in life better, how can the following generations ever have a hope of making a better world? How can they ever truly love and come together to restore a natural balance when it is so easy to hate and compete? How can humanity ever come together to assure that life is a right for all Earthly inhabitants and not just something that sometimes gets in the way of profit and the advancement of 'me'?

In The Age Of Separation

"Be independent and strong"

"Don't rely on anyone else"

"Don't get pushed around"

"Money makes the world go round"

"There are winners and there are losers"

"Men are from Mars, women are from Venus"

Funny how we have become a society that desperately searches for a 'connection' to other people but we don't seem to be able to talk and open to anyone and we even pay 'professionals' to talk with instead of the ones we supposedly 'love'. We talk to 'friends' that echo back our fears and supply some of their own but at least they are 'on our side'. We forget that a person's good deeds far outweigh their wrongs and instead focus ourselves on the 'bad' in order to justify to ourselves the inability to love that we ourselves possess. If nothing else, society teaches us that there is 'bad' in everyone and that it could come in any form; so we stay on guard and are always ready to blame.

No wonder people don't know what love is - love is a car, diamonds, house, vacation, job, music, food, family, blind, simple, easy, complicated, pain, perfect, a battlefield, the answer, the best, solves everything, ruins everything, timeless, limited, a gamble, a sure thing, forever, lost, amazing, strange, forgiving, understanding, uncertain, angry, happy, sad, everywhere, unlimited, has boundaries, insane, kind, patient, unpredictable, cruel, crazy, an idea, a feeling, your heart, nature, humanity, worth it ...

So what is it? Is it definable? Is it from the heart or the mind or both? What is it? Is it supposed to be the 'answer' and solve all of our problems? We tend to rely on it to 'save' us, but from what? Why do we chase it, is it because we grew up hearing about it everywhere? Why do we let it destroy us, is it because we never really feel worthy of it? Why do we allow the pain that it can cause to lash out at the ones that we love? We stay 'strong' and harden ourselves in order to be able to do it all over again with someone new and improved and are always comparing to what our ideals tell us is 'right'.

We tell ourselves that we love our children so we protect them from experiencing any kind of 'adverse' emotion or pain but what we really do is keep them from learning to deal with pain and challenges in life. We pack them in day-cares which leashes them together and walks them like dogs; all in the name of exercise. We love our children so much that we appreciate the fears that keep them 'out of trouble' or 'safe'. We worry when we can't keep an eye on them, when they sleep, when they go out, when they cry, when they are angry, when they are afraid, when they fall, when they're not hungry, when they eat too much ... We must be worried that they will be able to take care of themselves and therefore no longer require us.

We seem to try so hard to 'connect', to ourselves, to others, to our families, yet we practice the art of separation. How many times have you held a grudge or forgiven? How many times have you left or talked things through? How many times have you judged or accepted someone? How many times have you focused on pain rather than the joy? How many times have you seen the fear and not the adventure in life?

When we practice to separate, we give into everything that is considered 'normal' in today's society. We feed the economy through dinners, movies, dancing, gifts, flowers ... but what we really do is confuse, even further, the love that is needed to come together and change this world for a better future for the upcoming generations. We teach our children that love is temporary, that flaws are unacceptable and that there is always something better out there so they will forever keep searching, forever be 'independent' and forever be disappointed. What happens to a generation of people that are so well protected that they do not know how to deal with the inevitable pains that they will experience in their lifetime?

Let yourselves and your children fall, eat some mud, get bacteria, develop an immune system. Every experience in life is a learning experience; the good, the bad and the ugly. Let yourselves work for the love that can save the world for if it felt real, it is probably worth fighting for. Humanity can save itself but it starts with each and every one of us; we must learn to be forgiving, we must learn to see through flaws and most importantly, we must learn to see through ourselves and our fears. We must be one if there is to be a 'future'.

In A World Of What-Ifs

What-if I can't find a job and life becomes difficult?

What-if I get into a car accident? 

What-if my child is kidnapped? 

What-if I don't meet that deadline? 

 What-if I don't get that raise? 

What-if I get into debt? 

What-if I fall and am not wearing a helmet? 

 What-if I run with scissors? What-if I climb a tree? 

 What-if I ride a bike without a helmet? 

What-if I drive without a seat belt? 

What-if my baby sleeps on its stomach? 

What-if my baby sleeps on its back? 

What-if the children's playground has a merry-go-round? 

 What-if my love is not returned to my satisfaction? 

What-if I lose 'myself' when I give my love to another? 

What-if society cannot change because people's genes have changed? 

What-if I go on holidays without insurance?

 What-if the grass is really greener on the other side? 

This, of course is but a small list of the paranoia and distrust that we hold in our own abilities and the 'outcome' of whatever we do in life. There is a multitude of others, feel free to add. 

Why is it that we allow the 'what-ifs' to control what we do, what we think, what we feel? 

What is it about giving that we find so foreign and frightful? 

What is it about a life of true 'humanity' that scares us so much? 

Fear is the greatest control mechanism on Earth. If one is frightened of 'change' or of 'spending money' to save the world, then one will never 'demand' that change happens. One will instead 'accept' that this is their 'role' in life and do the best that they can with that limited 'choice'. 

What-if everyone could see the truth behind money and the society that we have built around it? 

What-if people started to share instead of closing themselves off from one another? 

What-if money no longer mattered? 

The what-ifs that we should be asking are the ones that can free our minds, our hearts and humanity, not the ones that 'keep us in line' and forever fearful of the consequences. Life should be a wondrous thing, not a prison. 

Free yourselves, think for yourselves; to fail is an important part of evolution and life.

The Next High

Why is it that we do not question? Why is it that we simply accept? Are we still waiting for a hero, for someone or something to come along and magically change everything; to make things better for all? We say that we must all take control of our own destinies, that we are subsequently responsible for ourselves, but where does that leave humanity as a whole? What are we ultimately responsible for? Are we not ultimately responsible for the world and the civilization that we leave for future generations? Are we not to be responsible for the balance of nature and its perpetuation towards a future?

What I have witnessed in my short but insightful life is that we seem to 'binge' on life, especially those in 'western' society. We love our gadgets, our toys, the abundance of food, water, entertainment, relationships (be it lovers, friends or family), we are constantly on the lookout for our next fix of the new, latest and trendy items to purchase, eat or explore; our next 'high' so to speak.

Some of the things that I personally remember:

Cars - I have always purchased older vehicles and worked on them myself. Throughout the years we have supposedly had a lot of advancements in motor vehicles but have we really? The first thing that comes to mind is rust, why is it that with all of the materials and 'technological' advances in materials over the last 100 years that we still drive cars that rust and fall apart? In 1981 (that is 28 years ago - think about that), there were cars that did not rust; remember the DeLorean? What is the root cause of the continuation of cars that rust? Remember the Pontiac Firefly? Here was a car that had a 3 cylinder engine and was getting 50+MPG about 25 years ago, and now we are all impressed with numbers such as 35-45MPG, did we really advance?

The fact is that we have, and have had, the technology to make better cars for a long time, to have them last longer (when is the last time that you could buy a car that was over 20 years old and not have it falling apart?), work better and be more fuel efficient (or even be electric - the EV), we just choose not to; or rather, we accept that "this is just the way it is". That 'newer is better' and we just keep on consuming and 'upgrading' to the latest and greatest models. Did you also know that GM had an engine in the 60s that made GM lose money? Not because it was not a good engine, but rather because it did not break down enough and profits were lost on parts and repairs; this engine was removed from markets and replaced with ones that were 'different' (more cubic inches or another 'impressive' fact) and which broke down at least at 'regular' intervals. Motive - Profit, not efficiency, not technical advancement, and definitely not the environment or the well managed use of resources.

Household Appliances - I used to work in the business of repairing household appliances such as ovens, laundry machines and refrigerators. I remember that I had worked on machines that were over 30 years old and still worked fine, just needing minor repairs. Now think about the ones in your house today; how old are they, are you ready to 'replace' them and what are the reasons. I saw the differences in materials used to manufacture these machines, the 'electronics' that seemed to 'hypnotize' people into purchasing the ones with the blinking lights and count down timers. People would start concerning themselves with the 'color scheme' of their appliances and the 'latest' colors were only available if one would replace their current ones. I remember one refrigerator well, it was manufactured by Whirlpool, with the System 2000 electronic control. This was a terrible machine which had a computerized board which burned out constantly. Now this was a board which replaced a control part which previously could be repaired for about 30 to 60 dollars, usually labor included. If you had one of the newer ones, the board itself was upwards of $180; all totalled the repair bill would run to about 1/3 of the cost of replacing the appliance so why repair? So it came down to - do we want to repair it and risk something else breaking? Or did we want to simply replace and have the 'peace of mind' of a 'warranty'? We have become a disposable society.

Televisions and Cell Phones - Both of these are changing and becoming obsolete constantly. TVs are now to be digital in the U.S. because the 'system' is changing 'to better serve you'. Forcing people that require a television to upgrade to the latest technology. Cell phones are the same; a good working cell phone from the past will not work on the new 'systems' for the same reasons. Let us not forget that, as digital, it is far easier to track and gather information about the users of these devices than the previous analog technologies. I won't even go into my years in the computer industry.

Now, am I the only one that has also noticed these things and simply cannot 'accept'? Have we not seen the other reciprocal effects of all this? Has no one noticed that there are fewer mechanics, that there are fewer appliance repair persons, that there are fewer television repair shops? This means that people have lost their jobs, their livelihoods and have had to adapt to something else even if this is the only thing they have ever known and even enjoyed. This has also led to bankruptcies, lower living wages and hardship for families across our 'civilized world'. This is the technological obsolescence of human labour and in our monetary system, the obsolescence of their very 'lives'.

Sometimes it is our society itself; through laws, that forces these issues of 'upgrading', of keeping up to date and of continuing the consumer cycle. These 'laws', often disguised as 'safety', are just blindly accepted and become part of us. They shape our thoughts, our behaviours and our purchasing habits using the life credits we call money. We upgrade out of vanity, competition, jealousy, self indulgence, self importance but do we ever really upgrade for ourselves?

Don't get trapped in a cyclical life, say NO MORE. Don't accept what is offered but rather demand something better. Become the deadbeat that purchases with cash or uses a credit card and then pays it off. Become the person that grows their own food or at least a portion of it. Become the person that embraces nature rather than destroys it. Become the person that is satisfied with what they have and better that, rather than trying to one-up through the upgrade cycle. Don't be a follower and don't be a leader; instead be a sharer and let us open ourselves up to each other, share information and go back to the trust in one another that society once had. Don't be afraid of 'not having', don't be afraid of 'falling behind' don't be afraid of this adventure that we call life and humanity; embrace yourselves and your fellow Earthly inhabitants, it is not 'easier' to be an 'island of one' than it is to open ones self to the wonders of life and others.

What Happened To Us?

It is no wonder that there is so little love in the world today and we are where we are. Within all the levels of divisions which one experiences in a lifetime, what tends to have been lost is the trust in others, the belief in ourselves and with that the love that people and humanity so desperately need.

Love is the most powerful and possibly the most natural of all human emotions. We like to believe that we believe in love, yet we live in fear of it. We fear that giving means someone else is taking, that we or they won't live up to expectations, that we will be left. Trust in the 'system', 'friends' and 'society' seems to come easier than in ourselves or the ones which we supposedly 'love' so we put up our defenses and shoot down anyone or anything that gets close to seeing through them and essentially into us.

Singly and with the 'support' of those which we 'allow' some influence in our lives, we resist 'change'. Saying things like "I have to be true to myself" or hearing things like "don't change for anyone"; what we really resist is our own evolution, our own ability to 'come together'. The 'change' and the 'sharing' which naturally occurs in a 'relationship' can grow and makes us uneasy, for we are taught to trust no one as they may be 'bad' and take something from us. So we run in search of what love 'should be' without ever giving a chance for love 'to be'.

We seem to search for something or someone that will 'give' as much or more than we are able to without really looking at ourselves and our own limits on 'giving' and 'receiving'; for even when we 'get' we still feel ashamed for not 'giving' as much and when we give we feel anger when we don't seem to receive to our satisfaction. We don't want to feel 'ripped off' so we become afraid to talk in fear of opening ourselves up to disappointment and laying ourselves bare and vulnerable and love never really gets the chance to flourish and grow; never gets the chance to change us into the more humanistic people which this world needs in order to change itself. Apart, we can all be afraid, together we can all gather strength to move forward and overcome challenges of life, human interaction and the world.

We 'fake' our way through life and human relationships, picking out and 'evaluating' our circumstances and concentrating on the 'uncomfortable' moments in our lives until we can bear them no longer; we then simply discard and move on, relishing the 'new' and yet to be 'broken'. Be it lovers, friends, work, homes, family or society we run away from it all but what we can not run away from is ourselves. We practice 'corporate' breakups using the same cold methods of analysis (have I gotten as much or more than I have given?) without talking and forever heaving blame (to others and ourselves), we rationalize leaving and move on to the next model in hopes that this will be the 'one' until even the new wears on our nerves and seems 'broken' to us. Never really feeling but rather being enamored with the concept of couple-hood and love.

I spent my entire life with the 'negative' aspects of love, never really giving in fear of 'the end' or of my own 'worthiness'. I tried to be a 'rock' because men don't cry but we don't have to become hard and strong for each other, for as a 'strong' self' we can never be as powerful as a loving community and if we continue to search for a 'perfect' state of being, we will always be disappointed.

There is no longer unconditional love, for nothing lasts forever in our 'upgrade' lives. We deem things as too much work, that there has to be something or someone easier, so we 'move on'; never really allowing ourselves to be the 'good' people that we so need to be. We search for perfection without ever believing in utopia and accepting what society has to offer. I don't want a 'perfect' love or a perfect world because I will never feel worthy from the start. Love is something that is work, something that grows and does change people, once we realize that and accept it, then maybe we can be humble enough to truly experience what love and life has to offer; then we may be able to move into a more human existence.

I ask of everyone to ask themselves - What happened to 'us'?

My Realization

Seeing the negative aspects in life and the society that we have built can lead one to see the negative in everything.

Without some 'joy' of life, how can we ever come together as a species?

I could see all of the joys disappearing and being taken away from us. I focused on it, I tried to make others see in hopes that they could be angry enough to do something. I found that they can instead concentrate so much on the negative that they find themselves seeing everything as bad and desperately reaching for the 'joy' that is portrayed or that which they had in their life.

It took me a long time and some unbelievable pain (my own and that which I inflicted) to realize that it was not the world that I hated, but myself. I drowned myself in the pain that I had been harboring all of my life and fueled it with the problems which I saw in the world. I did not realize until it was too late that my fire had burned everyone that I had ever known and cared about.

It is so easy to concentrate on the negative; we are, after all, a society built upon blame, responsibility and punishment. We see people as invading our space, trying to change us, not pulling their weight, potential thieves or terrorists and we close off our loving, caring and understanding.

We walk down the street and judge people by their looks and what they wear, we listen to conversations and judge people for what they say (and I was a huge player in this one), we judge them by their jobs, education, children, past mistakes and just about everything else that we can. Well I found that this also divides and makes us grow further apart.

I never gave life a real chance, I never gave people a real chance; I was always too afraid of becoming 'one of them' that I ignored the beauty in everyone and lashed out in hopes of not caring.

I digress, I don't know what to do or think anymore, I know though, that I cannot hurt anymore; not myself and not others. This blog has been so angry for so long, I have been so angry for so long. I still believe that everyone needs help but I will try to do it with a little more tenderness. I see now that my judgments hurt and that I have been judging for so long.

I would like to send a sincere apology to those that I have hurt in my life and to those that I have not, I wish you well but please try to see within yourselves the power of humanistic change.

"Experts Say" ... The Rest Of You Are Morons

I am so tired of supposed 'intelligent' people telling me that 'experts say' this and 'experts say' that or that a 'study' says or suggests something. Usually these experts and studies are referring to things which could be considered 'common sense' or which demands a change in one's perception, judgments, beliefs and behavior.

I did a Google News search for the exact phrase "experts say" and came back with 20,198 hits. The same search with "scientists say" comes back with 3691. Why is it that scientists and their opinions don't get the exposure that 'experts' do? This search is only in the 'News' section of Google. If you search within years, you can notice that the results have grown significantly over the decades. Here are some of the good ones I saw:

"Experts say anyone can be target of clever con artists" - thanks for that bit of 'clarity' - now what does this really say? It tells us be 'be on our guard' and to 'look out for ourselves' because 'danger' lurks around every corner and anyone can be a 'victim'. This is playing on the fears associated with property and security. Now with it being an 'expert' that conveys this message, it must be true and one must be afraid.

"Cold snap may do some agricultural harm, experts say" - crops may be affected by freezing? go figure. - An asinine way of create a 'faith' in what 'experts' say. They have to announce some 'obviousness' in order to appear legitimate as a whole.

"Experts say Africa has minimal influence over own development, destiny" - Africa is being plundered and shaped by other nations? No wait, it's 'destiny'; how 'mystic'. If something can be accepted as 'mystic' then little explanation or investigation is needed. One wouldn't want to go against 'destiny' or public consensus now would one?

"Reducing dependence on foreign oil will not happen overnight, experts say" - Getting us to believe that there is a normal, lengthy transition that will take place. Blindly accepting any 'restrictions' such as financial, conceding that it trumps sanity, humanity and morality.

"Standards needed for ski helmets, experts say" - with the picture of the dead celeb skier, nice touch, though there is no 'proof' that she died from the supposed fall.

Take the helmet, you have something that people will associate with death and safety for the children. There will be debates and studies and then there will be 'laws' to protect 'everyone'. Some will think "huh, not affecting me" and go on in oblivion until one day 'experts say helmets should be worn...' where ever they may be. When it finally affects them, it is too late because precedence has been set.

Keep us dumb but make us feel protected while projecting a sense of intelligence and of being 'informed'; this also creates the ego reactions which we all so frequently experience. The hurtfulness and sense of 'personal' attack which we feel is actually a 'reaction' brought about by the ego. We all want to be 'intelligent' and we parrot the things that we hear in order to portray that, all the while not really thinking, but rather, 'accepting' whatever the 'experts' tell us. The 'contradictions', such as 'Utopian dreams' and visions of real change, force us to look at the way that 'we' live and see the deficiencies therefore they seem to 'attack' the very way that 'we' live and our very 'intelligence'. There are so many 'expert' opinions that the subjects are all left with no real conclusions and science no longer matters, just opinions; we all have them but are they really 'ours'?

When did we reach that time when we needed 'experts' to tell us how to think? Do we really need help being told what to be afraid of and how to formulate our own opinions? How does the parroting of other's opinions, make them 'our' opinions? When did we stop thinking? We are told what to eat, drink, consume, where to live, what to say, how to react, what to believe and how to raise our children. There are laws, by-laws, mandates, orders, certificates, licenses ..., which 'punish' us in one form or another if we don't behave a certain way. We cheer them on and demand more laws and certificates in the name of 'security' and more 'punishment' for those that stray.

Does anyone know if vitamins, milk, eggs, sun block, baby formula, peanuts are good for us or not? Don't drink soy milk, drink soy milk, don't take vitamins, take vitamins, a barrage of noise in the end confusing the choices just enough to opt for the easy way out: whatever is easiest on the pocketbook. We all want to eat healthy but since the 'experts' have made the term 'biological' trendy, we pay through the nose for it.

Here are a few more gems that I also liked:

"Some Experts Say Rescue Program Might Not Work" - If they are truly experts, why are they so ambiguous? Because this way, either way, the 'experts' are correct, some 'experts' may be better than others.

"Emerging technologies need regulatory reform, experts say" - This is also about invoking a sense of unease about 'emerging' technologies and inspiring a form of 'control' over them. We wouldn't want any too 'radical' ideas springing forth.

"Times not so bad, experts say" - A nice definitive statement for you to believe. uh huh , duh, must be right, duh, good thing all these 'experts' are here to , duh get me through life, uh huh :) Too bad about my job, it'll pick up, we'll get through this.

"Experts say financial situation is not out of control" - If you believe, it will happen, we will bounce back to 'normal'. We seem to revel in the 'hope' and the 'faith' that these experts portray.

Hooked on experts, people don't have to think, don't have to question, don't have to feel uncomfortable about their limited knowledge because there are 'teams' of people doing their thinking for them and making sure that their experiences are 'safe' and 'controlled'. This is the same mentality of children - "If I leave it long enough, someone else will do it." It amazes me how we ever got to this point in humanity without all of these 'protections; we should have all been wiped out centuries ago.

Instead of holding onto our collective ignorance we should be embracing questions and different ideas. Look into something, don't just blindly accept it on the word of 'experts' and 'studies'. Think about your own life and experiences before passing 'judgments' and 'labels'. Collect as much information as possible; dive into the possibilities of life, human experience and co-existence with an open mind and a clear view of what is happening. Only through understanding using scientific analysis and self reflection can the 'truth' ever be found.

A Society Of B.S. (Bad Science)

Over 5 billion people live on less than $10 a day on this planet but I am not one of them; so let us say that the rest are the rich and middle classes (assumed 'middle class' also). These numbers tell us that less than 20% of the world population controls the financial, political, military, information, manufacturing, food, distribution, 'management' and consumption of the world's resources; some would argue that 1% rules the rest but I shall implicate all of 'the middle class' into this piece as they do not seem to be able to see beyond their 'generation'.

Since 1970, real wages have remained stagnant or gone down. Two earner households have been created along with daycare and a 'tying in' of every family member to the 'economics' of the family. This has contributed to raising the overall stress levels of the family which, in turn, creates 'blockages' in communication for its members resulting in less than ideal learning conditions at a young age. There is no longer unconditional love, there is instead pulling your weight, getting a job and paying that rent. The cost of a 'home' was 50% of a single earner income, now it is 75% of a dual earner income. 'Time' is less spent with family and values are set by society as everyone goes to 'work'.

Class has been ingrained, the disparities widened and all the while we seem so worried about the 'appearance' of things that the 'facts' wash away in the haze. As we think of 'me' and 'mine', our social 'safety nets' get cut, waters get commoditized and a mindset of 'if you ain't working, you ain't worth nothing', seems to have overtaken society. "No one rides for free" and we will 'pull ourselves out' are echoed in unison with the belief that "if everyone thinks it, it must be right".

Livelihoods based on jobs, make us dependent on the 'system' and seemingly 'competitive' in nature. With virtually all aspects of life now having a price tag attached to it, those that seem to 'get', while seemingly working less than 'me', are essentially 'stealing' my opportunities (think unions). Jobs are tied to 'free market' ideals and the competition ensues; "if I can do it for less, I will have a job"; "any job is better than no job".

Defending the ideals of a monetary system with words like 'laziness', 'jealousy' and 'incentive', the laboured masses forever justifies the failed system, which holds them into servitude, and refuses to see 'change' as anything worthwhile but instead as something sinister to be feared.

'Success' has been tied to the 'investment' of 'education' and the 'ego' has been associated with society and its outward judgements. We are told to "find what you love and figure a way to make money from it" and we accept this and go forth, turning our 'enjoyment' into competition forever believing that the only thing of importance is to 'take care of me and mine' in the form of 'success'. This is compounded at the family level and competition divides siblings as each vie for that 'success' marker that will make their parents 'proud'.

The public has been convinced that being an entrepreneur is part of the dream; that it puts 'me' in control of 'my' life, that it takes away the 'fears' that occur in an employer/employee relationship. Defending the 'dream' as a 'comfort zone'; 'I like having a home' or 'I like fitting in'. Not wanting to 'rock the boat', they will find any excuse to keep from seeing deficiencies in their lives. They don't want to be free, they just want to be free of discomfort and conflict.

Demanding solutions instead of problems and fighting thought and clarity as cynical and angry, all the while defending with 'comparisons' as a means of 'justification'. Pride has replaced common sense by defending it with irrelevant excuses and fears that we echo as we try to focus on the 'good' of our current system and wanting to direct energies towards 'fixing' the shortcomings instead of rebuilding; rebuilding may affect 'me'.

On TV, violence and crime on Cops and CSI type shows allow us to believe that there is 'always someone to blame'. They enable us to identify the 'scum' of the Earth; the criminals such as file sharers. We prefer to 'lock em up and throw away the key' or 'fine them' because they might 'steal my stuff', rather than looking for the root causes of crime. That, 'competition' driven through the environment and having to 'survive' may actually play a part in the creation of crime, is dismissed; 'bad apples' and 'punishment' are the only ways to deal with it. Getting used to the presence of 'officers' and to being 'questioned' while slowly imprisoning ourselves. Seeing the 'seedy' side of life and being able to 'identify' its non-conformity; spurring the suspicion towards all non-conformists ('anyone could be a criminal', 'beware the loner', 'he was such a quiet man'; watch your own kids for signs).

We are told that 'crime' is opportunist but yet we live an opportunistic life ourselves. We jump at a 'good deal' or an 'investment' opportunity without thinking of who had to 'lose' in order to allow us this 'deal'; another's misfortune may just be our gain. We have learned to 'accept' and 'adapt' to this system while perpetuating it through to the next generation. The kids grow up with concepts like 'you owe me' or 'criminals are bad people', echoing the lies of society and making themselves a part of it. They are led to believe that one must not stray too far from the herd and that 'hope' and 'love' will make everything better.

The media constantly plays on our 'hopes' of ownership and our dreams of an 'easy life' and 'success'. It could happen to me through instant fame and glory by being an 'idol', being 'discovered', 'working hard' or 'inventing' something, and if that doesn't work, there is always the lottery. The people try to 'earn' extra money by engaging in 'legal' activities such as gambling or speculation, all the while putting themselves further into the 'negative' for the system of 'hope' is designed to 'lure' for profit. The shame in 'loss' is so strong that it aids in further straining family relationships and communication.

9/11, a day of infamy and yet to be properly investigated, is accepted as resolved on the basis of 'bad science'. The hope that 'my government' or other 'Americans' couldn't be party to it, fuels the lies until they are accepted as truths. Mainstream media attacks the integrity, credibility and character of anyone that questions it with words such as 'extremist' or 'radical'; the same words used to describe 'terrorists'. Forgetting logic and scientific examination, the public simply 'accepts' the findings of the 'official' report and considers the case closed. Having only neuroses, fears, and emotions, we crave a haven of 'safety' and take personally the questions which may implicate our elected officials or other 'Americans'. The mind itself has gotten lazy; frustration and a sense of being over-whelmed occur when something is not 'easy' or 'straight forward'; the very sense of 'learning' becomes an attack on the ego.

There used to be a time when wisdom and knowledge were passed along and shared for the betterment of the community but it is all money now. We are all 'competitors' and the knowledge we hold may be tied to our livelihoods or to our families. We horde information, hoping to get an 'advantage' over others or to 'sell' the ideas for our own gain. We save, budget, spend and invest, believing that we are building a 'future' for ourselves and our families. We acquire as much as we can and desire forever more; we see that money brings with it a sense of entitlement and we too wish to feel 'entitled'.

Do not be afraid to learn of truths, to see deceptions and to feel despair even if logic seems to hurt your feelings. Admitting that the world is shit and that radical change is required is the first step towards real change. Being able to face the 'growing' pains of something new and not reverting back to the safety of the flawed, yet known is the challenge. Overcoming the importance of 'me' is monumental in this evolution for only humanity as a whole, can ever 'hope' to bring true justice for all and a life in balance with nature.

The Pains of Awakening

I have found that, in seeing the world in all of its misery, one can tend to lose track of 'the bright side'. As one awakens to this 'life' that we are all engaged in, we are reminded constantly of the negative aspects of our existence.

The news flashes, entertainment, advertising, education, employment and peers all 'nudge' us into thinking and reacting in a certain way. When one begins to see the mechanisms and the affects in their own judgments and beliefs, one tends to close down and focus on the mechanisms and the flashes of enlightenment rather than the goal.

One sees the wars, famines, specism, disease, competition and inequality in different ways. We see the possible scenarios, causes and effects of these flashes along with their 'actors' and benefactors. All that comes into our vision seems to be negative and wears on us.

As I am breaking through the programming that 'society' has instilled, I broke apart myself. I found myself drifting away from the only 'society' I had known but I still wanted to fit in; a wife, a good job, a house, friends, I still wanted the 'dream'. Slowly these dreams seemed to fade away until I was not sure of who or what was left.

A belief that I may have had, a mannerism, in which I used to find humor, a thought in which I used to have solace, a place which I used to hold dear all had skewed views. No matter what these were, they all seemed to be a part of me. I held on to them so tight until I realized that I was no longer moving forward. I was holding onto the 'measure' of my ego.

Could it be that these beliefs, which I thought defined me, were actually just mere distractions, created to soothe me into 'accepting my place in the world'? Could it be that all these ideals that I have learned throughout my life are to make me resistant to real 'change' and thought through denial and fear? Could it be that how others judge me, really doesn't matter? These were all difficult questions for someone who thrived on attention. There were moments when the madness nearly consumed me but it helped me to break through and see my ego for what it was.

When I say "break the ego", I don't mean that I rid myself of me. We have all heard that 'we should not change for anybody', 'we should be true to ourselves' or that 'a leopard does not change his spots'; what do these mean?

Take the first one 'change for another'- does a person not change the second that they open to another, let alone love another? Isn't change the natural evolution of life? 'True to ourselves' - do we not become untrue to ourselves the second that we give ourselves blindly to the collective? And the 'leopard changing its spots' - are we to go through life branding people by their mistakes as not being capable of learning or progressing past them? The irony of this is that President Obama won on 'change'.

The society that I see about me would like to believe in a 'complaint free world'. I have heard things such as "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" or "why do you always focus on the negative". I still see the beauty but no longer ignore the injustices. I have found that by identifying the wrongs I chip away at my armor of lies which I have come to believe as the essence of 'me'. I view it as finding rather than losing myself.

We must all see the beauty in love, family, community, discovery or a fresh snowfall without judgments in order to truly accept who we are. We must see the bad with the good in order to determine what our limits are and move forward; this is not an easy task.

I have seen those that have progressed but only to certain points. There is a point which I have been to and continue to battle with, where I think "Is it worth it?" and "Why does it have to be so hard?; I still have no answers. I did let it consume me and drag me back to 'reality' but it was short lived. 'Reality' for me has changed. I still face the fears everyday, different ones, old ones, new ones; they help me to realize that fear is what controlled me.

We must overcome the competition and jealousy that keeps us at bay from one another and come together as an awakened mass that sees the future not only as bright but also as fair. Right now there is love throughout the world and as we work together to achieve a higher awareness, that love shall flourish and grow. When we allow the love embrace ourselves, without judgment, then, the world will be ready for change.

Who Am I?

Who Am I?

Where do my thoughts come from?
Are they mine or another's?
Are they sole or collective?
I know not from whence they come but I question them everyday

Where do my fears come from?
Are they genuine or perceived?
Are they life or apathy?
Should I be frightened that they may not be real?

Where do my beliefs come from?
Are they natural or forced?
Are they taught or experienced?
Without beliefs I may lose my way

Where do my morals come from?
Are they punished and rewarded?
Are they humanistic or contrived?
If I open open up, what will happen?

Where do my feelings come from?
Are they from the head or the heart?
Are they pain or joy?
What am I feeling as I write this?

Is this what defines me?
Do I take that chance?
Am I a sum total?
Or am I yet to be defined?

I am not a duality
I will not be classified
I am who I am
And strive to be better with each passing moment

Job Seeking

After reading about the job losses globally, I began to think of the job seekers and their plight. I have always said that looking for a job is the worst part of 'life'. We are dictated by the 'free market' and narrowed choices (therefore not really a choice) of 'jobs', (livelihoods) to become a slave in order to 'live'. We are taught at an early age the importance of jobs and money. Twelve year olds in Montreal get babysitter certificates and little business cards in order to instill 'business' into their pliable minds.

If you have lived in the last 40 years or so, then you may have noticed how 'education / training' (and I use this because of a Canadian government ad that stated it this way) has changed over the decades. Education used to mean the ability to adapt, to change to learn and to move forward; in a way, to evolve. Now it is the almighty dollar which dictates the professions, therefore the lives of the society through memorize and regurgitate' certifications. Masses 'become' whatever the society needs of them and whatever is profitable. One can specialize in anything these days with certification courses coming out of every orifice of the capitalistic classification system. In Ontario, one needs a certificate to operate a man-lift but not to operate an excavator; does this make sense?

“You're not qualified”, “you're over qualified”, “where were you for this time?”, “where do you see yourself in 5 years?”, “what did you do for work during this time?”, “what are your certifications?”; they want to know everything about you. The questions are designed to 'characterize' you within a few minutes; are you honest, will you leave or stay, will you steal from the company, will you flip out and go on a killing spree. They already think the worst of you, now you have to prove them wrong. What a way to live. And we smile through it with combed hair, clean shaved and freshly showered faces politely responding, all the while nodding and smiling and spouting whatever the interviewer may want to hear. We accept that this is the way it is and go on from one job interview to the other.

The public seem to become pilots, nurses, doctors, police persons, builders, engineers and so on, seemingly at whim. “There are shortages” for these professions I have heard and all seemed to have rushed to colleges and technical schools in order to fill these positions. The people then await, with baited breath, on what the next shortage would be in order to 'move up' in life for we wanted to 'do better' than our parents. We all wanted to 'specialize' and make the big bucks. We seemed to 'focus' on the prize and adapted by sending ourselves and our children through school (not to learn; to be trained). Teachers are taught to train their students to pass tests or are hired on a 'performance' basis. This 'trained' generation goes to work and Office 2007 comes out, leaving them staring blankly at a new interface and need re-training; they have forgotten how to explore and learn.

That 'trained' mentality did not stop with our 'specialized' education; it trickled into our very beings. We seemed to live and drink work, training and 'the law', all the while reveling in the material goods, popularity and comfort that it seemed to bring with it. We were intoxicated. We created competitions with our neighbors, our families and our friends and reverted our lives to 'specializing' around us and a select few others. We closed ourselves off from new 'real' experiences.

While this was going on, the experience and ability to 'survive' has also been lost. Were something to happen in this day and age, there would be widespread panic and chaos. Cities are the deathtraps with dependence on the basics such as food and water. Think about the city that you live in right now and how many people live there. Now picture those millions of people in an emergency situation (what ever the cause) without access to food and water. Where do they go, what do they do? Is that 72 hour survival pack going to carry you through? Is that certification going to help you?

We have been collectively taught to survive by being retrained, by learning a trade, by making our hobbies pay off; by adapting to the environment that is manufactured. We have been indoctrinated to believe that any job is better than no job; we have learned to compete, beg and grovel. All this is for the almighty dollar, something that has no value and comes with debt attached to it.

Those that do find jobs are constantly stressed by fears of losing the job, of not performing up to standards, of being replaced by younger hires or technology, of being out-sourced or that the company will go under. They give us yearly 'evaluations' which wave expectations and meager increases in front of us, raising the levels of fear by intimidation. They kill off the unions and instead hire through 'placement' agencies to which I refer to as the 'Professional Pimps'; feeding off of the desperation of others. The fears permeate through our entire lives and act as a 'policing' element for the society. The feeling of 'always being watched' turns into reality and we blindly accept them in our daily lives as 'security' devices.

In the end all these 'job seekers' will be filling out so many forms and providing so much data in the upcoming years that it will allow the system to better 'classify' them and determine strategies. As the unemployment benefits run out, the unions die and the system collapses even more, at least the databases will be able to identify the victims of capitalism.

What are WE afraid of?

The more I try to understand the society that I live in, the more it amazes me that so many alleged learned people get angry and defensive when questioning the 'Rule of Law' or society as a whole. I see that the people have been transformed into self-serving, xenophobic, narcissistic, predatory 'owners'. Each one worshiping the Gods of money and ownership and competing for their 'piece of the pie'.

I see people struggling to make ends meet, to upgrade, to modernize, to get with it, to pay their mortgage and to put their kids through college; feeling squeezed and trapped and trying to protect what little life they believe to be in control of. They try to avoid discomfort for it may shine a light on the negative aspects of life.

These are the same people that when asked about a transit strike say: "At least they have a good paying job with benefits". "The Unions just steal from the employees". "The workers are greedy". "How can they have a strike that affects me (usually they say "so many people"), "They should be forced back to work" by the government.

Do they see the Unions as ruining their aspirations of 'success' somehow if their company grows? They state that "a high school drop out should not have the same salary as a university graduate". That the Unions hire uneducated people to do repetitive labour for a good wage.

Are they jealous? Are they afraid that Unions and their well paid workers will sub sequentially be taking something away from their lives? That their 'portion' of 'trickle down' economics will be siphoned by the Unions? That the financial system which is controlled by 1% of the population is going to come crashing down because of Unions? In case no one is noticing, there is a 'trickle up' happening around us.

"I am free", "I control my destiny", "I am responsible" I've heard them proclaim. "I can speak my mind" (just so long as it is acceptable such as not to 'insight hate' and such) "I can travel" (so long as you have the monetary means and are not on a 'list'). "I have a job" (so long as you kiss-ass and play the game; in the end it has you). Are you? Are you really free? What is freedom? Is life not free? Is not nature free? What are you worth per hour? Is that your freedom?

The people that I am talking about usually consider themselves middle class and 'liberal', rich and 'conservative', poor, working class; it doesn't matter. They love babies, children, animals, small quiet neighborhoods and drive SUVs because they are 'safer'. They love TV shows like 'CSI', 'House', Survivor and Idol and get most of their information through CNN, BBC and Google News (because it scans 4500 news resources). They are usually educated and work for a corporation or are self employed but cannot see that life and indeed humanity, stretch far beyond their little corner of the world. They are in debt and work hard to 'get ahead'. they also think that those that are unemployed or homeless are just 'not trying hard enough'.

They emphasize that laws that 'protect' us from terrorists are good. That laws which reduce the amount of 'welfare fraud' are good. That laws which reduces bankruptcies are good. That laws which 'protect children' are good. That laws which 'protect' animals are good. That laws that 'protect their property' are good. That laws that enable surveillance are good. That laws that suppress dissent are good. That laws that censor content are good. They do believe that 'someone ruined it for everyone else'.

They blindly 'nod-and-smile' and keep accepting, all the while, trying not to 'rock the boat' and to 'roll with the punches'. They 'pull themselves up and dust themselves off' and continue on nodding and smiling and teaching their next generation to do the same. They feel safe in thinking that someone else is taking care of things. That the system has 'got their back'.

They have been told and believe that 'we are spreading democracy'. That 'we give aid'. That 'the IMF and World Bank are there to help development'. That 'poverty happens over there'. That 'the system works'. That 'there is no other way'. That 'socialism and communism are bad'. That 'if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to worry about'. That 'you too can succeed if you just work harder'. That 'education is the most important thing'. That 'laws can only be reinforced by punishment'.

Now why is it that most of these people cannot have an informed, rational conversation about: religion, politics or money? How the three may intertwine in everything that we experience is something that everyone should be open to, as it affects everyone. Instead what happens is that most people will go to a certain point and then 'react'. The conversation has turned personal because of something that they may feel that relates to them in some way. They get defensive and spout lines like "I like feeling safe" or "what if it was your kids?"; the best is always, "in your Utopian World...".

How did it get personal? What, about a talk on global issues that may include the dreaded three, makes one close their mind? Is it fear of labels? Are we afraid of being judged? What if we are, will it be in the 'right' category? Did it invoke some deep seeded guilt which is complicit with 'our system'? These are all questions we should ask ourselves?

How can any talk of 'we', as a collective human race ever be accomplished, if 'we' are too busy defending, rationalizing, evading, labeling and blaming. Is our imagination so clouded that we cannot picture a perfect world without labeling it as an 'ism' or blaming it for it's possible failures? We demand irrefutable 'proof' that a an 'idea' is flawless before even listening to it without judging it's weaknesses? Would the world not become better if the collective we could utilize the brain power that we possess? Does this failing system, that has wreaked havoc and drained the life force of so many for so long, not need to adapt and to 'change'? What are we afraid of? How can we no longer imagine?

Some would say that we are led by some of a faulty 'moral compass', I view it more as 'sociological engineering'. Where the idea of freedom has been implanted using keywords such as 'crime', 'punishment', 'accountable' and justice to make the rest 'tow-the-line'; while using others like 'success', 'intelligence', 'happiness' and 'love' to convey the standard to avoid the first. Mix it all together with basic survival instinct and competition, et voila; 'it's every man for himself'.

We need to start asking ourselves W.W.W.W.H. (who what where why how)? Why do I react like this? Where did it come from? When did I learn it? How did the source learn it? Who am I trying to be? What am I learning today? How did I learn that?

We need to get to the root of the issues and leave the labels and the judgments at the door. We need to break through our very psyche to tackle our fears and definitions to get to the questions before attempting to tackle the solutions. We need to forget about our egos and start learning again. We need to work together to form a future that is sustainable and fair.

I think it just takes vision and the ability to discern. We also need to accept ourselves as the natural beings that we are and release all of the man made fears to which we have relinquished control. We can instill 'change' but not the way we are going now. It is time to change for the children, for the planet and for the future.

Why are we so divided? Where do we start?

Of all the reading that I have done, I have noticed one thing; everyone has or is against a cause.

The animal liberators want to free the animals. The anti-capitalists want to free the people. The environmentalists want to save the planet. Some want to eat meat, some don't. Some want socialism, some communism and some a different type of 'ism'. Save the planet, save the whales, save the Palestinians, save the children, save the ice caps; save our way of life. The problem is that the causes clash or are not in sync. That the people with the causes think that theirs is the righteous one. That it matters more. That it is morally superior.

What we have been led to believe (we being the whole of humanity), is that we have no other options, that we must survive and that the only way is through the taking away of life energies from others (being nature which includes people and animals) through competition. This competition has been 'bred' into us our entire lives; there must be a 'winner' and a 'loser'. We call it "human nature" and excuse our greed, our ruthlessness and our shallow existence with it. We state that animals fight and kill each other but then we try to elevate ourselves above nature by deploring the deaths of human beings. We are still just a 'dumb' animal. We have been filled with the fear of death and disease on a personal level and the irrelevance of death on a global level.

Do we really think that we can each achieve our 'causes' without the others? Do we think that the one, morally just above all others, cause will elevate everyone to join and instill the change that is needed? The fact is that all the causes have meaning and are just, but we need to prioritize and allow the causes to blend together naturally.

We need to look at all the issues, we need to question their involvement and we need to ask WHY. Why do we hate the unions? Why do we look down on AR activists? Why do we feel oppressed as a group? Why do label them conspiracy theorists? Why do we have racial, economic and educational divisions?

Here are but some of the issues that we are faced with:

Poverty - A creation of capitalism, ownership society and wealth. Used to give people a cause, feel shame, judgment and blame. The division that no one wants to 'slip' into.

Media control - used to propagate lies and dis-information in order to control the masses by providing them with just enough information to make them fearful and reactive. The control of thoughts.

Money - equated to life, a measure of success, showing of affection; therefore a measure of life. Caring for your family. survival. Has become the most important thing in life.

Education - a training institution designed to propagate society and the ruling class' thinking. There to make sure that the populace becomes a 'productive member of society'. Acts as a form of division as those that do not get an education are frowned upon, chastised and made to feel inferior their entire lives.

Politics / Government - a game for the rich. To control the population using the guise of democracy. Something to keep the divisions in place. Pick your 'ism'. Are you left, right or safely in the middle? Something to blame.

Prison system - places to 'make examples' of those that dare to step out of line or must survive outside the accepted norms. Crimes against property, victim-less crimes; makes us feel safe, gives us the impression that someone is looking out for us.

Speciesism - bring about feelings of shock and awe, fear, shame, judgment. An issue that is thought of as 'we'll get to it'. This is about the balance of nature. This is part of life itself.

Sexism - bringing feelings of oppression, judgment, anger, blame and self image. A division of humanity. Nice when a rift can be created right down the middle. Keeping the populace busy with each other helps to keep them off the trail to the root of the problem.

Racism - bringing feelings of oppression, judgment, anger, blame and self image. Another division of humanity, handy.

Capitalism - Here one could write volumes. Basically it's 'every man for himself' (and please don't go back to the sexism). This is the way it is. This is the only system that works. This is why we live so well today.

Global Warming - man induced climate change through the wasting of energies.

There are many, many more and far more detail for the ones above but it would be impossible to reach the end of the list in this writing.

Let us not view them as issues or subjects by classifying everything. When we classify something, we automatically put it into a pre-determined category. Let us instead think of them as energies which are required to intertwine for the natural balance to work. The 'sides' in an argument are often just fears that are echoed back through our minds which usually are implanted there throughout our lives. We memorize and regurgitate something out of fear of being judged. It is a reactive response; we need to ask "why do I to do this?" If we have to deal with people's egos before dealing with the matters at hand, nothing will get done.


"Language is employed to keep thoughts at bay." - Harold Pinter

There needs to be an uprising of the common people. There needs to be solidarity. There needs to be movement. For those that refuse to be slaves any longer, for those that THINK and can see beyond the fabrication that life has become and for those that know something is up but are not quite sure what; it is for those that we write and point out life's interesting nuances.

Sure there are the 'shruggers', which I would prefer to refer to as the lethargic. Those that are coasting through life thinking that if they don't disturb the waters, they will be safe. "Life itself is not so bad if you just 'play by the rules'", is their mantra, and they would like to stop those 'trouble makers' before they 'ruin it' for everybody else. They will agree with certain causes in order to alleviate some shame as long as it doesn't affect them personally; but will drop it for another easily to avoid judgment or if it does not fall within their 'growth' any longer. I also fight for them.

This is about not believing that this 'shit fight' of an existence is the reason for being. This is about life, nature and evolution. This is about cooperative society, living as one with each other and the world. This is not about the rich and the poor, human and animal, man and woman or adult and child; it is about all of them. This is about seeing through the multitude of lies and deceit. This is about releasing oneself from the 'chains' of induced thought, fears, reactions and judgments. This is about knowledge and universal growth; this is about 'Planetkind'.

Be it a 'Star Trek' fantasy or a 'Utopian' dream; this is what will save humanity and the planet. How we treat each other and our planet will determine our fate. The world is a 'balance'. Call it nature, good and evil, life and death or survival; that balance has been altered. It is time to get ORGANIZED; time to drop the judgments and the divisions and come together for the betterment of all. We cannot save nature if we do not first save ourselves by not forgetting nature in the process. This will not simply be achieved by knowledge but by wisdom as well.