Monday, August 31, 2015

My Mind and The World - Introspection

The title track to my blog? :)

How do I deal with everything at once? Having developed (gifted/cursed) a sense of wrong with everything I have ever been "taught" and able to see through indoctrination programs, I have never "fit in" anywhere and I have gone through places, relationships, employment and seemingly everything else on a quest to find "meaning" to my existence.

The quest which I have embarked on seems to be one of truth and love but there are so many obstacles along the way be them within me or external. Just a look about at the real world is enough to drive me insane if I let it. So many contradictions flying about such as "save the children", "save the environment", "save the animals"; are we already so far gone that we have to actually "save" these things and if so from what but ourselves? Is the need to save everything about "me" in order to satisfy part of my programmed ego or is it really about helping others and a sense of what is right which includes what I leave for future generations (think 250-500 years)?

I believe that these things can be "saved" with the greatest of ease; all it takes is "honesty". This one little act can do so many things; it can make us look within ourselves to see our own complicity within a decaying present and future, allow us to truly have "conversations" which are not hindered behind a veil of deceit (within and without) and competition and it can shed light on the seemingly infinite control mechanisms which have been programmed into our very beings.

Am I capable of being truly honest with myself, let alone with others? All my life I have noticed certain memes and one of them is that a "little white lie" (gotta love the good/evil aspect of that) can be "good" (Does my ass look fat in these pants?) even though "honesty" is touted as a "valued" trait. Such a lie can be used to "protect" another from "bad" feelings be them the spouse which shall never find out about the infidelity or the populace which shall remain ignorant of the actual workings of the political and financial aspects of the world; for their own good of course.

Now this is confusing to me, for within my years of life experience, I can honestly say that "bad" feelings or experiences are one of the most powerful ways to learn if one can release themselves from the "pain" which they tend to bring. Each path leads to information; but there are many more paths to follow these days as people tend to search for the expressway to enlightenment. Everyone seems to need to be heard along with an endless stream of almost cult-like, institutionally run truther, esoteric, scientific, cabalistic movements (add them as they come to you). Some are genuine but many tend to distract and detract from information which may cause honest introspection and perhaps a shift in human consciousness.

I have pondered for years on my childhood and every year since about what I learned, believed, changed and will continue to do so within honest reflection even through my own painful realizations, blocks and hurdles. I have seen different cultures, countries, generations and classes of what we call society and have found that they are more similar than how we treat each other; so why are we so separated?

I have found it both easy and difficult to converse with people from all walks of life. Easy when they inquire and learn through their own revelations, experiences and sometimes by accident. Difficult when they desire to project intelligence by simply regurgitating sound-bites from the ministries of Indoctrination (education) and propaganda (media) or from the line of endless "experts" willing to fill our minds. What is ironic is that it is exactly the process needed to "pass" the indoctrination system and "succeed" in life; memorize and regurgitate then be mesmerized and forget.

I cannot show you my pedigree papers for I am an "uneducated" man. I don't claim intelligence, simply an understanding based upon my ability to discern information and experiences throughout my life and at that time. Not labelling myself as "educated" allows me to bypass the barriers which I may erect in believing that I have "achieved" a "goal"; that my path has reached a destination. If I had indeed reached a goal why would I bother to continue to learn? I think, without being a thinker, I write, without being a writer and I live, as human as I can at that moment within honesty even if only in reflection and without immediate comprehension (like the way I write).

So I stumble along, I trip and fall, I pick myself up and continue. I occasionally have help along the way be it in the form of the physical or of the existential and I try to learn the lessons every time. Sometimes it takes years to learn the lesson and the stumbling increases and I walk about in circles but there is always something (be it synchronistic) which leads me back to the path (albeit undefined).

Can I find what it is I am searching for if it can never be truly "defined"? Can I escape the madness which daily knocks at the door just to see if I am ready to succumb? Will I know honesty, within and without, without simply talking to myself and winning every argument? These are some of the questions which I ask myself as I live, learn and stumble along the undefinable path called life.

Thursday, August 27, 2015


Read this today and it made me reflect on how detached "we" as a society have become.
First State Legalizes Taser Drones for Cops, Thanks to a Lobbyist

I recalled seeing helicopter footage, in Iraq or somewhere else which is equally detached from us, on the Internet and all people seemed to want to do about it was to persecute and prosecute the "leak". Same thing happened with "surveillance" information which was leaked. The very notion of being "spied" on all the time was something which came from far away, detached, lands. Where is the attachment now that it is finally hitting "home"? Those "in charge" will take care of things.

Wars are spread around the world yet that is also detached; for the defence and security industries are booming and jobs in those fields are plenty. Police need new toys for all situations require heavily armed responses. And as the article above states, no more attachment to having to see someone's face contort when tased. If there is no one directly bombing/tasing me, then the government and military are doing a good job; oh those poor people in Israel.

A comment I read about people watching a fire instead of helping to get it under control. I guess "insurance issues" could be one of the sources of their detachment from that; for we know that trumps all human reasons.

The umbilical chord is cut but we wait to detach, we wait for 18 years, then the detachment begins. Meanwhile the detachment from the offspring also begins until one day both sides wish they could have been "closer". We sometimes have good hindsight; especially for things which "matter" to "me" and usually when it is too late. Where is the hindsight in things which are still going on?

Heard about chemtrails? "You mean them things other people see?" But you should have seen the size of the raccoon in my yard the other day. Someone should do something about that.

Where is the attachment to the 29,000 children which die on a daily basis simply for the crime of being born without money? Where is the attachment for the Earth and its inhabitants which is ravaged daily? Where is the attachment to wage slavery? Where is the attachment to dumbing down your children? Fukushima, Geo-Engineering, GMOs, NGOs, bubbles, religion, WHO, IMF, government, police, terrorists, demonstrations, extremists, environmentalist, activists, communists, socialists, satanists ... I have to stop before my head explodes. There are so many things, coming from so many "angles" how can I attach to all of those?

Where has the "attachment" gone?

Is it wrapped in the hands, shoved in the pockets, stuffed in the mouths or spent and saved? If I can't own it, it is detached from me? Is the air I breath detached from me? Is the moon I gaze upon a detachment? Must be for rumour has it that we went there so been there done that. Apparently we stuck a flag in the ground to mark territory (couldn't well pee out of those space suits); it's still waving in the wind, last I heard.

We can attach ourselves to a story, ideals, religions, movements and politicians (we know nothing about) as we repeat slogans and bits of "wisdom" (sometimes in the "Captain Obvious" way). Do these make sense to me? Is this all that there is left? Perhaps the problem is that I have detached from me. And perhaps I had "help" along the way.

This is what being owned is!

People use the term "I owned you" when talking of putting one over on a friend. Are we so far detached from our means of communication that a term, which could be referenced to "slave", is just another endearing term within the competitiveness of life amongst chums. Maybe just thinking about it differently will make it disappear as much words throughout history have. Maybe by removing myself from it; by detaching. What a topsy-turvy world.

Do I own my thoughts or are they a product of environmental influences? If I don't own them, should I be attached to them? If I "owned" them, would they stop flowing through me? Should I think I am doing the right thing or should I feel I am(perhaps both)? Should I think about helping another in need or should I feel I can do nothing else?

I raised rabbits for meat for a bit (8 rabbits total) - I gave 3 of them away as I could not detach so perhaps there is hope for me yet. The only thing I know is that if I don't own me, I will always be detached from the things which matter and attached to the things I am meant to.

Oh how the path is winding.

September 2015 - Give Me A Break

If we are indeed supposed to focus on the NOW within in order to create the future without, shouldn't we stop chasing the "end of days to save us all" (awaken the many) scenario? Even if we do tend to get a little excited that "something" is coming, are we inviting just such a scenario? Perhaps it will take an "end of days" event in order for change to happen; does that mean the over-population folks get their way and that the "Prepper" will be the survivor? And what happens next? I'll bet it's the same-old, same-old but with more "controls" and "security" after all, we live by the "rule of law".

Perhaps I am a bit cynical; I did witness throughout my "awakening" (not a word I enjoy) that at first there were not many of us (and by "us", I include myself in the loosest sense), then it was saturated by conspiracy theorists (be them conspiracy fact or not, people got lost in it), then the "Truther Movement" which seemed to revel in the finding of conspiracies which could have blame attached (especially Israel) through study and repetition and finally the esoteric movement which tells us that we are at a "great time" in human history (that history is still in the future) and that many are "awakening" (there is that word again) and "change" is coming (sounds a lot like Obama) in the form of a "shift". If I left out an awakening demographic I do apologize.

So where do I go? What do I believe? It seems a lot safer with that "within and without" thing which I mentioned earlier. Sure it's "esoteric" but at least it relies on "me" and those which are affected by "me". This way I can see the "changes" and I can gauge the "awakening". But, is "me" lost? Am I solely a product of my environment? Am I chasing down the same rabbit holes expecting to come out with a salmon? Am I just following the same memes of distrust and separation?

Do I follow or do I lead myself? This is not to imply that I would be party to a "every man for himself" situation; this is not an "alone" thing. Then again in a way it is. Having to see myself in the raw is excruciating; for the ego hurts you as you make it less important. Some say that one has to destroy the ego but this is but a fools dream, for the ego is a part of me whether I like it or not. I will, however, not (or at least view and learn from it) let the ego control me. That is all I can do in order to get to the within which supposedly controls the without.

So, do I lash out? Do I hate the "rulers", the "controllers"? Do I allow a without to dictate my emotions of ego? If we are truly energy in a universe of ever expanding energy, shouldn't I let things go? Perhaps I am to believe that halting the expansion of my energy on someone which has halted theirs is a good idea.

As I travel within to an awareness which dictates that I profess my ignorance, I struggle. I try to hold onto the last vestiges of the "life" which I called mine only to find it was really someone else's; even if they are long dead and beyond my punishment. What does that do to my ego knowing that I cannot punish a "wrong-doer"? It certainly writhes and searches for something more "recent" which the focus can be directed upon but I gotcha. Another lesson learned, I guess. It didn't seem too harsh but you should have been inside my head at the time; perhaps you would have changed your mind.

My first instinct tells me to "run and hide" the second to "stand and fight"; is there a third? Have I totally been conditioned to not even be able to "imagine" a third, imagination, in its pure form  outside the ego?. Has it been so well conditioned that it shall remain dormant forever? Change is not change without imagination.

Tick-tock, tick-tong - time is running out. For whom? For the ego or for the self? Is it my body or is it my soul they are coming for? In a universe of infinite energy and being part of that, the "feeling" that something is "wrong" moves forward. Perhaps we won't be here to witness the "change" or "ascension" but what we can witness is ourselves as we become superior to our former selves (thanks Hemmingway).

Now, don't get me wrong but if you do perhaps look inwards (like the monk which makes us wait - sometimes we just are not ready) for I don't mean anything "personal" as these are just my thoughts  exploding into view. One thing which I have noticed which spans all the "awakening" crowd is that they still tend to get "touchy" at times. Thoughts are thoughts and ideas and more of the same. Touchy is a "reaction" which perhaps is meant to block thoughts - but who am I to say that?