Seeing the negative aspects in life and the society that we have built can lead one to see the negative in everything.
Without some 'joy' of life, how can we ever come together as a species?
I could see all of the joys disappearing and being taken away from us. I focused on it, I tried to make others see in hopes that they could be angry enough to do something. I found that they can instead concentrate so much on the negative that they find themselves seeing everything as bad and desperately reaching for the 'joy' that is portrayed or that which they had in their life.
It took me a long time and some unbelievable pain (my own and that which I inflicted) to realize that it was not the world that I hated, but myself. I drowned myself in the pain that I had been harboring all of my life and fueled it with the problems which I saw in the world. I did not realize until it was too late that my fire had burned everyone that I had ever known and cared about.
It is so easy to concentrate on the negative; we are, after all, a society built upon blame, responsibility and punishment. We see people as invading our space, trying to change us, not pulling their weight, potential thieves or terrorists and we close off our loving, caring and understanding.
We walk down the street and judge people by their looks and what they wear, we listen to conversations and judge people for what they say (and I was a huge player in this one), we judge them by their jobs, education, children, past mistakes and just about everything else that we can. Well I found that this also divides and makes us grow further apart.
I never gave life a real chance, I never gave people a real chance; I was always too afraid of becoming 'one of them' that I ignored the beauty in everyone and lashed out in hopes of not caring.
I digress, I don't know what to do or think anymore, I know though, that I cannot hurt anymore; not myself and not others. This blog has been so angry for so long, I have been so angry for so long. I still believe that everyone needs help but I will try to do it with a little more tenderness. I see now that my judgments hurt and that I have been judging for so long.
I would like to send a sincere apology to those that I have hurt in my life and to those that I have not, I wish you well but please try to see within yourselves the power of humanistic change.