Wednesday, April 13, 2011

My Thoughts On Libya

Change is a coming.

I've been reading, like many of you, on the "happenings" :-) in Libya.

From what I gather, there are a bunch of CIA involved (hired, trained, armed etc.) Al-Queda oops Rebels ... (Do we call them agents?) which are armed by the US and supported through air-strikes (should I have said No Fly Zone?) to NOT induce "Regime Change" wait.... now it is about Regime change. (Hard to keep up)

I already know about the OIL and the "Strategic Advantage", when are we going to stop with the obvious lies? Does the Mainstream Media take me for a fool?

I can see that this is the "I'm going in, no asking congress" (and it's Not War) precedence which a "President" needed to assert his authority. I can see this assertiveness being processed at many and different levels; be it at a government level, a personal level or just your boss trying assert themselves, it is still the same.

I see it in the U.K., Ireland, Greece, Canada, the G20...(and the list goes on) the powers that be seem to be asserting themselves everywhere. Why now? What is on the horizon? What are they afraid of?


Only you have the power to stop the insanity. Only you can demand that War be abolished. Only you can stop the thievery of your children's future. Only you can take back what the Corporatocracy has stolen from you and future generations.

Now imagine 200 million other YOUs.

Saturday, April 09, 2011

I Wonder

I wonder about our system which covets "private" enterprise because it creates "incentive" and "competition", yet gives billion dollar companies (not really something which needs a leg up in order to compete) hundreds of millions for Research and Development or to rebuild their infrastructure; now, refresh my memory, where did the incentive come from? And then we never have budget for social spending.
At the same time, said corporations, use extortion tactics such as threatening to move (or implied) upon the public in order to create "Choice". Hmmmmm makes me think, what is Choice?

I wonder how a country can seemingly borrow indefinite sums for War but not for the productivity and well being of its work force (note that I did not use citizens or people).

I wonder how the citizens of a "moral" society which wastes 27% of its food can have the audacity to blame Over-Population for the thousands (I could have said 10s of thousands but I wanted to control your reaction) of deaths which occur daily.

I wonder how any parent can think that simply "succeeding" in today's world (even if it means no real thought) is enough for their children. I realize they are backed by schools, governments, peers et al. (just because everyone does it does not make it right) but are they that much obsessed with themselves about how they "feel", that they cannot see that the future for generations to come, is being shaped and that it does not include evolution? With our consent of course.

I wonder how a parent can consider that they properly raised a child if they always protected said child from disappointment and sadness.

I wonder if people will ever realize that they seem to live in a state of perpetual childhood.

I wonder if collectively, we enjoy being treated like children and morons.

I wonder how a society which keeps getting told NOT to do something and HOW to live, can still consider itself FREE and then defend what binds us by saying "If there were no laws there would be anarchy" (I like how they say it matter-of-factually as if it were an indisputable fact). This is an obvious programmed response which is based upon having no faith in Humanity; that given the chance we will all succumb to the beast within and we will be eating each other. They try to lump greed into their equation alluding to "instinct" without ever factoring in a system which equates life to money. This is a point of Separation for both logic and people.

I wonder why people seem so afraid of Change.

I wonder why people don't seem to be able to "handle the truth".

I wonder how people can brush off the truth and label it as opinion if it is something they don't agree with.

I wonder how a populous which values their own "opinions" to the point of aggression, when confronted with logic, will ever Learn ("I'm entitled to my own opinion").

I wonder about "Innocent until Proven Guilty" when we seem to practice the opposite.

I wonder about the "lynch mob" mentality which seems to occur when the public is "informed" of an alleged wrongdoing.

I wonder how people can believe that they "own their home" when the local authority can take it for $8000 of taxes owed and print your name in the paper to boot (deadbeat).

I wonder about Local Government when the Federal Government can nullify local regulations.

I wonder what gave the right to the government to sell our resources and claim ownership.

I wonder about the future of a humanity which doesn't seem to care about humans (as long as it is within budget).

I wonder, will I ever find a place which I can belong?

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Regime Change in North America

I feel trapped in this world of superficial stupidity, ignorance and arrogance.

As I live, I witness many things that have and are happening around me and this world. I have noticed the rise of Corporations and Governments (Canada especially but of course, the U.S.) as they have seemed to merge into the same entity. I have observed the creation of many laws to protect "property", finance and industry along with many more for the obvious goal of control. They have become monolithic institutions which control every aspect of our lives and to whom we relinquish that power simply by accepting.

I have always thought of Canada as a great social experiment; seeing how far it can push its citizen by enacting laws for this, fines for that and permits for everything imaginable. A small population divided by geography, language and culture (the only real culture is that of money) making it that much easier to, manipulate, control and always be at odds. The people react predictably in different parts with envy and judgment and there is no real chance of them ever uniting. It is an ideal environment. I have also seen some of these ideas worming their way south. Hmmmm I have often wondered.

In the political mentality, Canada is a country which prides itself on not having a 2 party system (like its southern neighbor - we like to portray that we are better) yet enforces said system through "strategic" voting and defends it as the "devil you know versus..." mentality (fear of suffering due to choosing an unknown path). Guess what, the devils all have the same financiers. Looking at the current election which is happening in Canada, one can see that it is all about money and from reading and hearing what a lot of people most crave in life; financial security (and entitlement) is number 1. They ask "why shouldn't I care about money?" They are taught early in life about the difference in having it and not and they forever aspire to "having it". Funny how no party vows to "End the Wars".

I have seen the elevation of politics and economics to a level which has infiltrated every part of our being. I have borne witness to the rise of the Big Banks, Big Media, the Military Industrial Complex, the Corrections Industrial Complex, big Pharma, the Agriculture Industrial Complex, the Telecommunications Mafia, the Energy Cartels, Big Box Retails and many others along the way. I am still wondering how any of this helps "us" in the long run; how have we "advanced" other than materially (which includes the aspirations of material advancement or Hope)?

I have heard the people talk, party, love, cry, care, label, hate, judge, envy, fear but one of the things which I seem to have heard the most over the years, is people demanding more jail time; more punishment. I remember them talking about "3 meals a day", "medical & dental" and referring to minimum security as "country clubs".

They wanted harsh sentences for those who broke the "Rule of Law" (because once a criminal, always a criminal). "If I have to live by it, so does everyone else" I've heard them say (we are seeing this now with our "wars of peace" and expansion of "democracy"). With the popular cry of the people, more laws, more controls, more restrictions and harsher punishments have been granted but this also set precedence for more and more controls.
I have also noticed the barrage of "battle" terms which have been used to describe everything these days, increase over the years. Everyday conversations, kids, banks, entertainment, news, elections, schools et. al. Nope, this can have no effect on our psyche; we are "Free" to "Choose" our path in life.

I have witnessed the emotions of fear, envy, judgment and the importance of labels and "me" all become increasingly dominant within our expected "norms". I have witnessed the defensive stance taken when breaching a boundary set by a limitation of one's own intelligence and the effect this has on the "ego". To educate people is to point out that they may have received the wrong information and this cannot be; it is interpreted as an attack of their intelligence or a reference to their ignorance. People would rather stay ignorant as long as they "believe" that they are not.

It was announced by the CBC this week that Canada's electricity generation was for sale. They want to "privatize" slowly and allow for "competition" instead of "state monopoly" (there are private energy producers). They want to allow for smaller energy producers and bring "competition" (to give the "average Joe" some aspirations of a good investment). I remember this M.O. from the privatization of the Telecoms, guess we don't learn. The smaller operations get bought out (as we cheer the huge dollar amounts) by the larger ones and we are left with a consortium of Energy Giants (same Big Oil) which may give us a fair price at first but then gouges us through billing "techniques" and hikes. We end up leasing our own resources.

Essential services and resource management should belong to the people - Period. Just because it can make money, doesn't mean it should make it off the backs of the nation. We don't need to privatize our country, we need to take back what is rightly ours.

This is just a bit of the past as I have seen it and more importantly, the future as it is shaping itself to be. This is what future generations will have to look forward to because "Economics" rules the world. I don't know if "Human Caused Global Climate Change" is real but if there is a chance, we need to change; we need to stop prioritizing and idol worshiping money, having (oops) oil spills or dumping radioactive water into the oceans. There are alternatives but it begins with a different way to see things within all of us - a change from within.

If you need a revolution, guaranteed that if 10 million people didn't go to work or shop or drive or feed the system in any way for a week or a month, we could induce "Rapid Change" and start over; we can have a peaceful revolution and take back our sanity and morality. The Beast may reveal itself and punish us hard but we would finally know it for what it really is and its defeat would be inevitable from there. It is time for regime change in North America.

Sunday, April 03, 2011

Save the Planet? Not Economically Viable 2011

In 2006 I wrote Save the Planet? Not Economically Viable - Here is a Re-Think for 2011

I know that there has been "action" taken so far on our great climate crisis, or at least that is what we are led to believe. The media, the government, the corporatacracy et. al have worked very hard to convince the general public that it is the consumer's habits which are the problem; just buy "this" and you are helping the planet. They make laws and design punishments which seem to be rushed through in order to make you believe that the guilty party has been identified and action has been taken. (The frothing at the mouth begins when the public receives word of a POB - point of blame)

This action has been all about the blame game and whom better than the people who buy the crap they manufacture. The crap & scam oops I mean cap & trade system, passing the buck to consumers, the enactment of by-laws and permits, you are now a criminal, pay a fine here and light-bulbs and thermostats and recycling and kids being snitches and enviro-cops and ... wait, what was the topic again. See how easy it is to get distracted. Buy this and it will all be better.

As it became politicized, like everything else, being concerned for the environment became about profit and then it mainly turned to crap (thanks Al Gore - nah, never just one point of blame).

(Now where was I) Oh yeah, saving the planet, saving the animals, saving the environment, saving the whales, saving the people, saving the children ... (Stay on target) and most of all saving money, Do we really think that we are going to be able to save anything without first saving ourselves? "Saving ourselves from what?" you may ask. Well, our collective naiveté, selfishness and ignorance for starters.

In my 42 years of existence (and that is a deliberate word), I have been witness to the forming of a sociological norm which is, quite frankly, pathological. I have shuddered at the growth of two things which I believe have been the basis for our degradation: Politics and Economics. Look around and really think how many things, which are a danger to our Planet, have a root cause of one or both of these 'ics'?

Look around some more and ask yourself "What do I see as an improvement in my lifetime?" (and I don't mean a "convenience" or that this about YOU)? I mean a real improvement which can be viewed in history as a definitive evolution of the human species. Do you see anything?

OK, let's define it further. Let's take the necessities of life and assume that by their ease of or struggle for, can determine the outcomes in human evolution; more factors taken care of, more "civilized" behavior.

1) Water - Why do people not have access to water? Would not a population which did not have to "pay" for the most basic human need have more chance at learning?

We are told that it is "expensive" and we defend that. The search for a POB will have you believing it's our toilets, our hygiene habits, our lawns (they help us to identify the culprits) so buy this new thing (usually with a high energy footprint) and you will be helping. So we hop into our gasoline powered vehicles and go to the store to purchase said products which have a long line of oil in their production and delivery; and we feel good about doing "something".

What we are not told is that for every 2 litres of Coke which is produced, it takes 4 litres of fresh water or a pound of plastic at 24 gallons(think of how much plastic is in our "convenient" lives) or that for every pound of steak it takes over 500 gallons of water, 1,851 gallons to refine a barrel of oil and up 28,100 gallons to process 1 ton of sugar cane and produce refined sugar.

They are making water a commodity to sell back to us and using it as quickly as possible to sell us inferior goods which were never built to last; and we must foot the bill even more?

People don't have water because they don't have money. Whether to build infrastructure or through corruption - this does not deflect from money being the root.

2) Food - Why is there hunger? Can we really call ourselves a "civilization" as so many people starve to death?

We are told that there are too many people, not enough land, cost restrictions(?), logistical problems which all boil down to money. So people starve because they cannot afford to eat. Wow... And then we invade other countries claiming to be protecting their people and bringing them the advanced system of "democracy".

As for the land argument, a lot of corn seems to be taking a lot of land for feed and fuel as 1 example. And as to the too many people argument, Google how much food is thrown away each year; the math says yes, the greed says no. And I didn't even mention Monsanto :-)

2) Shelter - Why are there homeless?
I drive by countless places which are empty; either for rent or sale. I guess the problem is still economics.

3) Knowledge - Why is information not free? What is the number one factor needed in order to advance a society (and I don't mean bigger TVs)? Intelligence.

Do you think that an intelligent society would waste so many resources on war?

4) Peace - Why do we still wage wars (have no mistake that it is us who wage).
Part of this can be attributed to number 3 and a large part is economics; "war is good for economy".

5) Technology - Why are technologies released in increments and even stymied?


One could put this into knowledge and definitively economics; there is no profit in building something that lasts or which can replace your current revenue flow.

Root) Money - it all comes down to this. I know you're thinking "It's not that simple" but yes it is. You can try to defend it then try to make logical assumptions using the rules of economics and ... STOP! In the end it all comes down to it.

Maybe money has played it's role in history and now it may be time for a more equitable way of moving human society forward. (If you're thinking that trading chickens comes into this equation, please close the browser window as this may be a wee bit too advanced for you; they're re-running CSI)

I have never been a big fan of money but I always knew I needed some; that was eventually well "trained" into me. I trembled at the power that money yields and wondered how it could make people seem to shed their humanity. Then it hit me; fear and survival. Many forms of control are enacted using these two mechanisms.

I watched them compete to get that dollar out of the consumer's pocket and put it into their own; families, friends, lovers....all a consumer in the end. This is not just about money but also about that perceived driver of all things good today; competition which occurs at even the most subtle of levels and heralded as being good for "growth" (all types).

I know that I am human and that as such I belong to the Earth and in return it belongs to me (not in an ownership way but rather a symbiotic one); this applies for everyone. The Earth's resources belong to everyone for the betterment of everyone (and again, if you're thinking "socialist" or any other "ist", move along to the next blog, you'll just hurt yourself here).

I know that there has been big talk in the past about fixing and action and ...well, none of the "action" ever took place. War, poverty, scarcity, hunger, inequality and slavery are not new and seem to be what is hampering a growth in human consciousness and the evolution of the "intelligent" being on this planet; the root, as I have mentioned, usually goes back to money.

Yes I did mention slavery as we are all stuck in this machine which prints money out of debt then gives it to the very people they borrowed it from so that they could lend it back to us (brazen). Then they cut social programs to balance an imaginary budget which enriches only the marginal top of a pyramid scheme we refer to as "freedom" and which feeds the military industrial complex and war.

Look around you again. Do you see any changes in your lifetime? Are they for the better or for the worst? Are we advancing as a species or regressing backwards. History does seem to have a way of repeating itself; especially if it is always written by the same fools.

Can we really save the planet? I think we have to save ourselves first. More scams and laws are not going to cut it if this indeed is a real and present threat. Driving "democracy" like a steamroller through countless "developing" countries and crushing cultures in the wake is not a solution. There is a need for something different, maybe Jacques Fresco has some answers, maybe others do too. Nothing is definite yet; Think about it.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

You Scare Me

As I scan the news, I read the comments from the general public and these are what scare me the most. I expect the media to lie to me, I expect my government to manipulate me and I expect corporations to steal from me. What I can't come to grips with, is how the people simply let it happen and defend it as the best life or system, as compared to ... (insert ism here). In case you haven't noticed - a system based on debt is a form of slavery; this is what YOU are leaving future generations with your blind ACCEPTANCE and refusal of THOUGHT.

Seemingly parroting whatever they are being told, the "productive members of society" defend and justify the actions and foundations of an obviously corrupt pyramid scheme of a system, (which they believe to be "democracy") with obviously programmed responses. When questioned on those responses and confronted with logic, they even succumb to rage in their defense (when defending a defense it never stops). The thing that frightens me though is how they seem to love finding a scapegoat (a perverse need for blame); they revel in it and poke at it until the next one comes along.

In their belligerence they sometimes respond by verbally attacking the messenger of the truth, claiming wrongdoing in one form or another in an effort to discredit the source (scapegoat hunting); all the while screaming PROVE IT. - Stop being ignorant and do your own research as it is all readily available to a mind which is receptive. The problem is that you already limit your sources to so called "experts" (no more thinking to do here) and therefore you create your own blocks. Data, reports, graphs can all be "spun" to reflect a point of view. Dig for truth and find the logic which you seem to have discarded.

Has arrogance, pride and ego taken over all logical thought? Have you so succumbed to laziness that you solely rely on your paid "experts" to tell you how to think and behave? Have you totally lost the ability to feel when something is wrong? Have you lost the ability to see the truth when it is presented to you? This has nothing to do with ego or how it makes you "feel"; it is not the message which makes you feel bad but rather, how you interpret it.

Do you really believe that not only is our system benevolent but that as a forcibly "educated" populous that we are therefore inherently intelligent? WAKE UP! You are not "special". You were never meant to be intelligent. You were destined to be a product of an environment designed to train you to be useful and productive within that environment. You are taught to defend certain "ideals" and be reactionary and apprehensive to the unknown or different, which helps to perpetuate said systems and enforce the confines which it restrains you with; intelligence you must obtain outside of these constraints.

So we (if you really think that not being the U.S. does not involve us, you are delusional) "develop" the world in the "western" image and believe that it is our moral imperative because that is what we are told; we must protect the innocent (well, those with oil).

Do you believe that there are terrorist everywhere so therefore we must give up freedoms in exchange for "security"?

Do you believe that we had to intervene in Libya but we didn't have to in Darfur or, dare I say, Palestine?

Do you believe we are saving the people and not stealing their resources?

Do you believe that we have the right to continually interfere with the "developing world"?

Do you truly believe that we are "free" and that you want everyone else to join and enjoy the fruits of our freedoms? You seem to enjoy telling others to go live somewhere else if they dare challenge your "choice" of freedom or point out the obvious flaws in the logic and morality of a system based on profit, competition and consumption. You also readily say "Well what can we do? It's like that". Are you really free?

"We want solutions", I hear you scream (usually a way to say "if you can't fix it, shut up"). There are plenty of great ideas out there. How about we disconnect from this global game we call "politics" (which revolves around money, status and debt) and we take back this great country we call Canada from the interests of money and give it back to the people (duh democracy, no matter what programmed ism you try to throw at it)?

How about we make things which are essential for survival not about profit (now that would really be protecting the innocent)? How about we build "stuff" for durability instead of for consumption (more simple logic)? How about we make money work for the people instead of the people working for money? It all starts at one place; the people must say ENOUGH B...S...!

I digress, I am tired of seeing the obvious flaws in your logic(sic) and the viciousness and ferocity in which you seem to defend your very ignorance, all the while claiming knowledge by throwing out regurgitated sound bites acquired through a system designed to mislead you and keep you in check in the first place. And you have the audacity to call me arrogant. Admitting ignorance is the first step towards knowledge.

I am tired of having the same arguments, of hearing the same programmed responses, of battling through the same constant defenses in order to see a ray of hope. I am tired of the competitive nature of your "normality" and of your delusions about "saving" or "protecting" everything (as long as it isn't too expensive); all the while speaking gently as not to offend anyone. I can no longer live amongst your blatant stupidity; there has to be a different way. It has gotten to the point where I am ashamed to be human, let alone Canadian.

Sunday, March 06, 2011


I don't know what to do anymore. Am I the one who is crazy? Do I believe that I am more intelligent than others? I don't think so but it frustrates me to no end when people project and propagate their obvious ignorance and insecurity at me.

Their need to project intelligence and "save face" when staring down the barrel of logic and comprehension actually impairs their ability to learn; they create their own blocks and a battle of egos ensues. This can best be described as "institutionalized stupidity". When people actually believe that if everyone says it that there must be some truth in it. Am I the only one which recalls learning about Columbus and the "world is flat" incident?

When did "ego" or "self" surpass common sense and humanity? Was it as parents when we started telling our children constantly that they are "special"? When did "what others think of me" become our Achilles heel? Was it in school with the "cool" or "not" distinctions? Is this the future for humanity? A populous which believes it is special, whom always tries to find the "easy way out" and whom demands respect without earning it? Has the concept of respect changed? After all, we seem to believe that getting an education, a job and purchasing a home are all proof of our having "grown up". Are we proud to be a society based on economic variations of "success" which promotes "competition" at all levels?

So we blindly follow the economic trail and as long as we are "comfortable", we accept the controls put upon us at every turn without more than a fleeting question of their validity; always accepting that it is for the best or that one person ruined it for everyone else. Our disdain for our fellow humans is evident as we believe that everyone could succumb to aberrant behavior, so we must always be on our guard. It must be true for why else would we build more and more correctional institutions; and I am the one which is usually portrayed as "dark" or "negative" :-)

Programmed to fear the worst through the propagation of mandatory and "elective" social conditions such as insurance, we gladly hand over our life credits and any decision making under the auspices of security and protection from the terrifying world of "what if". Laws are constantly being enacted to take away any freedoms (to protect us from ourselves) which we may have enjoyed, eroding with it any public resistance as the collective defend their loss of liberties with programmed responses such as "if we let 1 person do it, then everybody will"; conveniently eliminating the need for individual thought because at least "I" had a response and "I" find life comfortable. Why think when it has all been tried and failed and this is the best system?

Being one of the few which seems to see through the obvious lies and manipulations, the fears and control mechanisms which permeate every fiber of our sociological and psychological lives and the constant triggers and reactions of the defensive flock forever defending their ignorance and claiming knowledge; I find myself at odds with the very essence of what it means today to exist. As I witness the never ending emotional and psychological competitions which occur around me, they tear away at any hope and belief in humanity which I may once have held on to; I am, as a result, ashamed to be human.

How can I evolve like this? Where can I go to escape the daily madness which is accepted as "normal"; making me a potentially hostile individual. You know the type; loner, pays cash, fixes instead of buys (collects junk), bitches about the system; the type which arouses suspicion and caution. How do I keep from going insane when the problem seems to begin collectively, with a consciousness which predictably reacts to the unknown with suspicion and defense of "our way of life"?

This is a plea to anyone who is listening; I need more. I need to find a place where I can belong, where I can freely express myself, where I can use my mind, where I don't have to "compete" for my dignity and where I can really contribute. I need to find people with which I can really communicate with, which won't judge me for what I do know and which I can truly evolve with and learn from. Does such a place or people really exist? Am I being Utopian or overly idealistic? Help!

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Just Feel - This May Be Goodbye

I have spent my life avoiding feelings; never really able to give myself or receive true feeling because I thought it would make me vulnerable or weak and I thought that if I did, I would just get hurt. I ran away, I buried them and I lived in denial of feelings because they were too frightening and I thought that they could destroy me. Turns out that not feeling is what had almost destroyed me. Not feeling had enticed me to live in a closed world. Not feeling had hurt me and everyone else around me.

Are we really capable of feeling these days? To truly reach out and give without it being selfish? To completely open our hearts to the world and its inhabitants without being afraid that it will leave us bare and hurt us in the end? Are we capable of living a life that is good for the environment? That is good for other human beings? That is good for the very energies that bring us together and gives us hope? Are we capable of releasing our fears and truly feeling?

We live in a land of confusion where feelings are measured, are scrutinized and are feared because we may lose in the end. We are afraid that we may feel too much, we are afraid that we may feel too little, we are afraid to get hurt, we are afraid to hurt others, we are afraid of being taken advantage of; where does this endless fear come from? Is it the endless news slayings of spouses? Is it the countless movies portraying psycho killers? Is it the easy life that we have lived where nothing really matters? Is it a sense that we will lose ourselves? Is it the fear of being alone? Is it the fear of not being alone? What are we afraid of? Are we afraid of learning, about others and ourselves? Are we afraid of not feeling 'special'? Are we afraid that we may have to sacrifice for a relationship or a better life? What is it that scares us so? Why do we seem to believe in the flawed and fear the new and possible as too frightening?

When our minds, which are obviously conditioned, take over our decisions of feeling, what happens? Do we just justify the emotions away? Do we just ignore them? Do we go through the thousands of 'what-ifs' in our minds and tell ourselves it is too difficult? Do we pick out perceived flaws and justify them away? What happens when you see a homeless person on the street? What do you think? What do you feel? What do you feel when you see news casts about death in far away places? What do you feel when someone proves you wrong? What do you feel on a day-to-day basis? Is it confusion? Are you being pulled in many different directions? Where do you eventually end up?

Why do we refuse to accept that there is wrong in the world which we call society? I am not talking of the thieves, or murderers, or terrorists, I am talking about the very system that we are locked into; the very system that makes us all complicit in one way or another, the very system that makes it acceptable not to help others if it is not economically viable. Is it the guilt? Is it the shame? Do we not want to accept any blame for anything? Is our ego all too important to see what we all do, what we all accept as "just the way it is" or "reality"? Have we really lost the ability to see the "good" future through the fog of the present reality? Where has the imagination gone? Where has the compassion gone?

When did fighting for a love that one believes in become an act of psychosis? When did we start to believe that someone that loves us can actually do us harm and fear them so? When did the fear become so strong that it just over shadows any feeling that may be positive? When did we become so obsessed in ourselves that others just no longer matter?

I remember being in Namibia for two years as a volunteer and having most of my possessions stolen in a break-in; I also remember telling myself that I hope the people responsible needed them more than I did. I admit that that thought did not come immediately, it took some time but in the end it was not about me or my possessions. I had begun to feel for the first time in my life.

I don't know what to feel any more. I am hurt, destroyed and just plain broken these days. I feel betrayed, useless and that I just don't belong anywhere. Will I ever be able to give myself to anything or anyone again? Can I still believe that humanity has it within itself to have compassion and heal itself? Will I ever again believe in love; be it universal or between two people? I am done; I don't know if I will ever write again. I don't know if I will ever care again. I don't know if I will ever believe in anything positive in this crap that we call life.

To those that have followed my ramblings throughout the time that my mind has released its thoughts, I thank you for your support; I also apologize for bringing you into my despair and the negativity that I seem to bring out in the world. Maybe one day I will heal myself but then again, maybe I shall just disappear and never be heard from again.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Which Path?

As I look around and see what we have become, I am frightened by the majority of people that I see. Those that have nothing to give; looking out for number one because 'who else should I look out for?'. Self preservation seems to be the order of the day; the future can wait for I don't want to miss a thing nor feel any discomfort.

Carl Jung adamantly declared that “Mental illness is the avoidance of suffering.” - Collectively, we are afraid of discomfort and avoid its potential for our growth and development. So how do we move forward? If we view everything as 'good' or 'evil', how can we learn from the 'negatives' in life and move towards a more 'positive' future? How do we accept that the 'negatives' are just as important as the 'positives' and that unity of the whole is only achieved through the overcoming of separation.

Contrary to what I have been accused of, I write because I care, because I want a better world for our children's children and because I believe that love in the world can overcome the selfish tendencies which we have developed throughout our lives; the separation which keeps us in check and afraid. I see the problems in the world, not because I am negative, but because I can see past that and reach for something better; I can imagine a better world and a better society. If one reads my writings, they can tell that I still believe in humanity, for without that there is solely pure despair and resentment.

I have not told any lies, I have not manipulated any minds and I have not done anything out of pure selfishness. Sure I may not be as selfless as I would like to think but I do know that without seeing the problems, there can never be any solutions. I do know that without the ability to see clearly, we will forever remain in a cloud of doubt and fear. All I want in life is to do good and to give and receive love; for myself and for the world. I have been equated to my observations and writings; angry, negative and a danger to those that just want to be normal. I have been portrayed as a monster because I see the injustices and the manipulations in the world around me. I have been tossed aside because I am perceived as a danger to life as we know it and its comfort zone.

Some people will never really believe in love, for their selves will always be more important than the discovery of togetherness and community, than giving yourself in such a way that you can see a new and improved you forming before your eyes; for if there is a new me, what happened to the old self I know and am comfortable with? Love is the removal of barriers which keep us separated from other beings; when we hold onto those barriers or boundaries, we can never really accept love and we can never really give ourselves as completely as it may deserve; we can never really give it or ourselves a chance.

So what do I do? Where do I go? How do I again believe that good will always prevail or that love will find a way? I am at a crossroad in my life; where I can choose the path of simplicity and acceptance; the one well travelled and universally accepted as the norm. The one that offers least resistance and fewer judgements; the 'complaint free world'. Or do I continue to see and fight for something better. Do I continue to put others before myself and truly try to find that path which won't offend others into fearing me, into running away from me and into finding me offensive to the point of simply tossing me aside for I am judged as too much work and simply not worth it.

I have never felt so alone in life but at the same time, I have never felt so connected.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

On The Edge Of Insanity - Coming Back To The Good

It is interesting how powerful a broken heart can be. It can push and pull you into all sorts of directions that you normally would not venture. It can bring you to the edge of insanity and sometimes even push you over. I narrowly escaped its clutches throughout all of this. My pain had engulfed me so completely that all I wanted to do in the end was lash out in hopes that the other party would hurt as much as I did.

What happened to the love that I had? I never wanted to hate this woman; I never wanted to resent her. So what happened? How did I let myself get so consumed by the pain that she hurled at me and allow myself to wish bad things upon her. How did I forget who I was and concentrate solely on 'my pain' without considering the pain that she too is going through? How did I make this all about 'me'?

I awoke this morning after a night of drinking, to find that I had posted, out of anger, nasty things about this woman. I swiftly deleted what I had done but it made me realize that this is as close to insanity that I want to get. I realized that I must release my pain and move on if I want to be of any use to myself and to others. I realized that I simply traded the pain from my childhood for the pain that she caused me and was still holding onto it and keeping myself from truly moving forward.

It is true that I have never felt this way before, nor have I ever been treated this badly but that does not excuse what I almost turned into. I know that all I wanted from this woman was to give and receive love - and we did for the most part - but I also know that I must move forward and forgive this woman, as she deals with her own issues that caused this pain and that I must wish her well in her future.

I don't want to hate, I don't want to resent and I don't want to hold a grudge and punish this woman. There is too much punishment in the world already; I simply want to heal. This was never about me, this was about the pain that she had held in for her lifetime. I am just a victim of her own inner turmoil and must forgive her for that if I want to ever be able to feel again. This is the hardest part, taking my own advice, following what I know has to be done in order to grow as a person and release myself of the pain that I continue to hold onto to. For the first time in four months, I did not wake up crying today; this is a good sign.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I Don't Believe Any More

The blaming, the anger, the accusations, the resentment and the pain; all things that seem to be a lot easier to hold onto and believe in than the love which may leave us bare; forever viewing love as a weakness. Again, facing ourselves, the people that we have become and the persons that we wish to be, is the most difficult thing in the world to come to grips with.

It is easier to hate, to loath, to accuse, hold onto our pain and just wipe clean the memories of love than to come to grips with our own limitations or faults and work through them. It is easier to view the world as an enemy than to love it for what it is and what it could be. This is the basis of our relationships; consuming until it is spent, then deleting, forgetting, moving on, blaming and letting go until we consume the next without really looking at our own complicity of the pain and the situation that brought us to it.

How can I believe any more? How can I believe that love will find a way? How can I believe in a better world? How can I believe in the good of others when all they ever do is show me that they do not believe in love and are all too selfish? They seem to be fighting so hard for 'independence', to stand on their own two feet to save them from the change of unity; forever afraid to 'lose' themselves because this is the only thing that they know. The unknown is a chance that most do not want to take for they fear that all it can bring is misery.

Do we have to be alone, in order to come to grips with ourselves? How is my 'independence' going to teach me about love and the unity of life? This seems to be the only way forward for some, as long as they can do it and not just revert back to their current selves. As we move forward, we seek out people that we think can help, but can they really? Can the limitations of others really help us overcome our own? So we search for people that can help us but what we settle for are people that echo back our own limitations. When we do find someone strong enough to get us through, we fear them and toss them aside, all the while justifying it with our fears and the imaginary situations that they portray all the while being justified by our peers and our own fearful minds.

Why change the world when everyone says that it is OK? When our lives seem comfortable for the moment, why rock the boat? The thousands that die everyday don't directly affect me, so why even think about it? 'It just brings me down.' It seems that everyone wants that 'complaint free world' but no one is willing to work for it, they are just willing to live in denial of the truth.

Everyone I know is locked into the system; they have regular jobs, families, homes and they obey all laws without question. Everyone that I care for lives their lives 'as it is meant to be'. How does one go against this? How can I keep thinking differently? How can I keep believing that 'it can be better' for everyone?

I am so tired of fighting the 'right now' for a better future, of losing those close to me simply because I can think of a time when things will be fairer and of being discarded whenever I don't measure up to 'normal' because I ask too many questions or think differently. I have recently suffered the greatest loss in my life because I think that I am doing good when others view me as an attacker and arrogant. They think that I employ some sort of mind control in the way that I talk and fear me for I will 'drag them through the mud' if they listen to me.

I am so tired of 'be able to see' what others refuse to, of seeing the world and society for what it has become, of believing that there is a better way and that love will save the world. I am tired of not being normal, of not being loved, of not being accepted, of being viewed as offensive. The blame never stops; blamed for my parents, blamed for my life, blamed for not being the man that society portrays as a success even blamed for imaginary future scenarios; the 'what-ifs' of a relationship.

I have never been interested in making money or in the competition of everything. Having to 'compete', with the measure of life itself being 'economics'; judged by what you do, what you own, how much you can provide and never really reaching that 'desired' level because there will never be enough. I have always just wanted a simpler life, one with more living and less 'making a living'.

We compete with family, friends, lovers and they all compete with us. The separation that occurs with each word, action or disappointment wears you down until one day it boils over. Fights, arguments, divorces, it's all the same; the building of boundaries that separate us from one another, the reason that love no longer matters and no longer is worth working at. The reason that we cannot see what is in front of us because 'it just doesn't affect me'.

I believed in love; one that forgives, that talks, that is willing to fight and that is strong enough to get through tough times. I just don't know if I can keep believe in it. We are all too eager to punish instead of heal so I no longer know if the love that the world needs to heal itself actually exists. I don't know if the love that is needed to heal our selves is possible at this point for our selves have become way too selfish.

So it is the end for whatever good that I may have been feeling, the end of my belief in 'love' and its wondrous 'powers'; there is no love, so let the anger return for at least I can count on that and it never lets me down.

I am a broken man, having given my heart so completely only to have it thrashed over and over again, having believed that 'love would prevail' only to have it kick me, again and again, when I was down. I cannot go on like this.

What do I have left? What can I think when the world and its human population just seems to care for itself? No future for the next generations, for they will have to deal with that themselves. When you confront them about being selfish, they usually reply with 'who else should I think of?'. No love for others, for they might just get in the way of 'what I am feeling'. The whole world is selfish and 'looking out for number one', not caring about where we are headed, not caring about the hearts that they trample on because if they did, 'they might feel bad' and we wouldn't want that.

So we 'move on' and wait for the next heart to trample on. We search for that 'connection' that never seems to come to us and we try to live life in a 'complaint free' environment. I cannot do it any more, I cannot play these games that care only for my own well being, I need more; I need to think about the future that we leave.

So bring back the anger that I just recently shed myself of, bring back the hate towards every last one of you selfish bastards, for if I hold onto love, I am the one that will get hurt and I am the one that will be destroyed forever.

Monday, June 01, 2009

Where Did The Orgasm Go?

In the age of digital communications, there is so much of 'us' that seems to be 'lost in translation'. I was watching TV (for some reason) and there was a commercial for one of the giant communications corporations giving statistics on the amount of breakups occurring via text, voice mail and email and I was so saddened by it. It seems that the affairs of the heart, the connections to others that we so need have been reduced to just another statistic and something that can easily be thrown away and marketed for the profit of the few.

No longer looking someone in the eye and telling them how we feel or even allowing them to see us through our own deceptions, we leave, run, breakup and split; forever looking for the '29 dimensions of compatibility' ( We search for that 'love' that we are told all of our lives exists, but we never seem to give it a chance for what we search for seems to be what we are now and not what we need for the future. We seem to search for 'ourselves' without understanding that 'change' is what we really need; in ourselves and in the world. We have a seemingly infinite number of friends but do we really connect or open ourselves to any of them?

We have friends that we go to dinner with, we have friends that we go to shows with, we have friends that we go on vacations with but who are we really? Are we just what we portray depending on whom we are with? Are we forever doomed to portray a face that another will accept instead of showing who we really are? We portray sadness in order not to invoke jealousy or happiness so that others won't 'feel sorry for us' but when do we really get the chance to see ourselves? When can we really grow and explore who we are and find the loving and caring people that we all want to be? When can we ever really just be and enjoy what happens without judgement or fear of it? We tend to see our giving, opening and accepting of the love of others as a vulnerability and our own love as a weakness, rather than seeing it as a strength that can transcend the fears that our minds feed us.

Let us think about the 'power of the orgasm' for a minute (or forever). It is amazing how it works for it is when the body connects so strong, that it can wash away the voices of the mind and actually let the spirit free to see what is real without the distractions that the world conditions us to see. What happened to our sexual revolution? In the sixties, the establishment was worried, for with the sex came connections and pleasure which seemed to blow away the clouds of our egos and allowed us to bare ourselves to each other; to connect on a level that no one could 'control'. The voices that control us, the insecurities that echo in our minds and separate us out of fear seemed to vanish and allowed a genuine communication and connection to take place; what happened to that? How did the fire in our spirits get so easily extinguished?

In the age of 'sex sells' everything and 'porn' is a manner of control for anyone willing to bare all, where did it take us? Have we been frightened into believing that the most natural of human interactions can be harmful or shameful? Have we buried our desires based upon 'those types just have no respect for themselves'? Where is the openness that the 'orgasm' brings? Why has that turned into a competition and a way to 'prove oneself', instead of the enjoyment and the connection that it is designed to bring? A real 'orgasm' only occurs when one can give themselves completely, without fear of judgement and the struggle of control; when one can accept that a 'change' will occur in both parties and that a 'growth' will occur as two people become one with each other. A real orgasm can make us see that the world can be a beautiful place, so long as we don't fear the unknown or the what-ifs.

As we become one with ourselves and are able to open and accept others and the love that they have to give, only then will be be able to get past the voices in our minds; the ones that tell us how to act, what to fear and to question our very existence and actions. Only then will we be able to give and receive what the world needs to heal itself. Only then will humanity really have a chance to move forward and to come together for the benefit of all the world's inhabitants. It is the fears that keep us 'in check' and keep us from accepting the changes that will transcend the injustices. That keep us from believing in a 'Utopian' world that is just for all and that keeps us forever suckling at the tit of the competition based system that tries so hard to keep from slipping away into the abyss that it must eventually flow.

Go out and find your 'orgasm', for your body, mind and spirit for it can set you free, if you let it. Find the 'self' that can give completely, without question and without fear and don't analyze, feel and trust your selves, for we all have the capacity to give and receive, to form a better humanity for all; don't run from your emotions but rather, embrace them for only then can we begin to 'feel' again.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Voyage Of Forgiveness

Seeing the evolution of me throughout my life has been the roughest voyage that I could ever embark on. Coming to grips with the pain that I have held in for so long and internalizing the pain of others whom I may or may not have had some influence in and making myself hard for so many years. I had forgotten how to love, how to forgive and most importantly, how to release myself from the pain and throw some love my way.

I have been connecting with myself and family that I have not seen for up to 25 years or so lately. I listen a lot but now I can finally open up to see and feel the joys and pains that they themselves have held in for so long. The things that they have convinced themselves of and found that 'I am not the only one'.

I have an aunt that has not really slept in 30 years and I talked with her today along with others about it. She disclosed to me many things and I picked up on a lot during the afternoon. She seems to be holding all the pain inside for everyone, taking a lot of responsibility for everything. Her husband, has had 2 brain operations and some feel that 'he is no longer there' and she is the one that has had to re-teach him how to do things such as eat. I listened while she told me of her daughter and the husband that she had lost at an early age and I could feel all of the pain that my aunt had internalized, how she still pains because this man had died within 3 days and at the age of 41 with 3 kids at home.

I shared with her my understanding, that the only thing that anyone in life can be certain of is death but that we have to focus on the 'life' that the person had and not on the 'end' that so many tend to. I told her that she has to release herself and allow her heart to be happy again so that she may enjoy some sleep. Now I know that this sounds simplistic and I know that I may be full of it, but I do believe that healing one's self is key to being able to open up to the good instead of just focusing on the negative.

As I talked and everyone listened to what it was that I had to say and felt the things that I was saying may actually be truths, I noticed something; the uncle that was not really there was listening intently. I could see the focus in his mind and the understanding of my words and the smile on his face at times as I spoke of healing the self and letting go of the hurt. Now letting go does not mean forgetting, but instead seeing it as the good even if the negatives were so memorable.

So we talked and discussed, life, kids, family, joys and pains. I listened as my mother and the two women counted stories of the past but a lot of focus was made on the bad and the wrongs that they remember. I asked 'why do we remember the past wrongs?' Why is it that we focus our personal experiences on those instead of seeing the rights and forgiving those that wronged us? Now I am not saying to bury the past and not see the wrongs of say society or what has led us to where we are today, but in the personal family of 'he did this' and 'she did that' of loved ones, why is the negative so easy to remember?

They were talking of the new man that the daughter had found but were also fearful and 'hoped' that he was a 'good' man. My other aunt had said that she attracted a good man before so her choice was probably good. She also mentioned that she herself had never attracted 'good' men, so she has been alone for 25 years, never really giving anyone a chance for fear of hurt and failure. I asked her why she was so hard on herself.

When I was outside, the one aunt turned to my mother and said 'I wish my kids could communicate like that' and as we left, the uncle that rarely speaks coherently, took my hand and said 'you are doing good' and that melted my heart, for it made me see that I can do good with my words instead of just trying to make people angry enough to take action.

I will leave this by saying that we need to communicate, not just with others but with ourselves honestly. We need to be open, not separated from each other and ourselves. I cannot stop what I see in the world, but I can view it in a more humanistic way. If we want to have a future for the generations to come, forgive yourselves and others so that your children may learn to do the same.

I don't usually quote anyone here but I like this - "Love being nothing other than a release of the boundaries that separate us from another being." - Charles Eisenstein

Friday, May 15, 2009

The Razor Sharp Mind

Facing yourself and admitting your wrongs is the hardest thing one can do in their lifetime. Admitting that all those times that you may have been 'right' were actually your way of cutting your emotional side off and alienating everyone around you from the love that you so needed in order come to grips with the turmoil inside, is the only way to evolve and finally start to love yourself and others wholly.

I am speaking of my own experience here, the loss that it took for me to finally admit that what I was doing was not opening my mind to everything that came at me but instead, in my own way, I was erecting the walls around my heart that had hurt ever since I was a boy and I was hiding behind that and was pushing everyone that got close to climbing over, right back down to the start of the ladder that I had laid there but never let anyone get to the top. I was watching them climb up then fall, until they could take it no more.

I had smoked pot for years, from morning to night in the last stages and I see what it had done to me. I had told myself and others, quite convincingly, that it helped me to deal with what I could see and the society that seems to not care about what it does to each other. Sure my mind was sharp but the blades of harshness were always at the ready to cut apart any emotion that came my way or any sensitivity that would have enabled me to truly grow into the person that I had so wanted to be. The mind was sharp and the pot kept the blades at the ready; ready to put anyone that got in the way of me being 'right', into a pile of diced up emotions on the floor waiting to be swept away by the next wave of logic. The pot had made sure that I myself never fell into the 'trap' of being too emotional causing me to believe that I was 'free' but really locking me into my mind, surrounded by harsh words and soothing them away as a logical conclusion.

Under its spell, I hated everything; crowds, lines, society, babies, mothers, cats, shoes, soy milk (OK that might be a good thing)... everything. I thought that I was capable of 'love' and all the while I could not even show it to myself, let alone the two people that I do deeply love. I would say things that sounded good, made a lot of sense and perhaps were even right but without the emotion to back it up, it was just hollow and really meant nothing; for without the love required to save myself, how could I even hope to positively influence any change in anyone else and share the knowledge that I do hold?

I was cold for so long, I let the pot take over my heart for I was in control of my mind, but what is a mind without a heart but a cold instrument of torture that logically beats its victims into submission. Without being able to see 'light' in the world or anyone else, how could I even expect to be able to receive the love that I wasted for so long and even thought that I could give.

Some advice for those of you that use marijuana to hone your analytical skills; be aware that what it also does is harden the soft side of you so that anyone that wishes to get close, has to work so hard that in the end, they themselves may end up close to destruction and flee before they are sucked into the dark vortex of light-less judgement and blame.

Do yourselves a favor or maybe an experiment, stop for a while and check out the world in a new light; stop and FEEL. See that there is good in everyone, no matter how confused they may seem to you or how illogical their words may sound to you. You may find that people have more to offer than you gave them the chance to when you can finally open yourself up. You may find that people will open up to you if you can finally love yourself enough to see who they are. Logic is a good tool if it is used right, but without an emotional connection to the world and its inhabitants, what is the point? If you don't love yourself or the world, why change it? It will still disappoint you in the end for that is all you end up doing to yourself.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

In Defense Of The Ego

It is difficult to be able to see things that others simply refuse to see. To be able to admit to yourself that 'I have been programmed to believe 'something' and then see it in a new light for the very first time. When one can see beyond the world that we live in and towards a future that is sustainable, fair and just, one just wants others to share that vision and the world to move towards such a Utopian dream.

When one shares the truths that one sees with others, the labels, almost immediately (sometimes not out loud), begin to fly about: conspiracy theorist, arrogant, domineering, insensitive, disrespectful, selfish, asshole, bastard, jerk, uncaring, without feeling, uncompromising, crazy, a threat, an attacker, not politically correct (always a favorite) or just plain anti-social. It seems far easier to discredit those that may have some genuine wisdom brought about by experience, self examination and observation of the environment around them than to see the flaws within ourselves.

Be they friends, family, lovers, strangers; most of the reactions are the same. The judgments come out in defense of their egos because a 'truth' which I believe in, may, in some way, implicate them in their own minds. The truths may force them to look within themselves and to challenge what it is that they themselves believe after a lifetime of experience, pain, joy, education and force them to question the very being that they believe is their 'self'.

They search for validation in the form of excuses, beliefs, friends and family that agree with them and block out the 'intruder', as they must be the 'evil' one and the world that they know and have always lived in, must be 'sane'. They look for a scapegoat to demonize in order to corroborate their own views, which must be true, for they have lived this long with them. The 'new' influence or view must be wrong because it is new (and therefore not validated) and seems to go against everything that they have learned or may go against a society which they live in. The feeling that we must believe in the society because we must live in it, takes over and the intruder is nullified.

I can tell you that nothing hurts more than having those that you love and believed loved you, turn against you. To hear all of the accusations and impugning words come from those that once supported and encouraged you is something that could kill an unstable and weak person. Fortunately I am strong and realize that I must be 'true to myself', for being true to me means I can admit my mistakes, I can forgive those that attack me and most importantly I can still believe in the universal love of humanity not the separation of our current state of affairs. If I were to go against these to accommodate those that view me as an adversary, then I would simply have to resign my beliefs in humanity and a world that can be more just for all and of a better future for the generations to come.

Now I never claimed to be an 'expert' or better than everyone else but I will not sell myself short either; I know that I am an intelligent man with an ability to see what is in front of me that most people ignore. My greatest ability in life has been the ability to learn, to observe, to realize and now, to reflect. I know that my writings started out as angry and as an attack of the world and society but I feel that I have grown since then; I no longer hold onto the anger but instead see the love that is possible to make one grow to beyond even their own limits. I can observe and reflect on what has happened in my own life and psyche and see the patterns involved between the 'formation' of a society and the 'realization' of the self. I also know now that this is not something that can be taught but must instead be realized on an individual level.

Why is it that we seem to be threatened by someone that has wisdom? Can a person have wisdom without being 'educated' or holding a degree? Can one not realize the simplicity of psychology and the effects of sociological training through their own observations and experiences rather than through an 'accredited' form of 'education'? What is it that we fear? We seem to be in a world where everyone wants to do things their way, even if their way is lacking. So they fight and they blame, call people control freaks and throw away their love - for they seem to deem themselves not worthy if the idea didn't originate from them. Why are we so afraid to learn from one another? Why do our egos get so bruised?

I have figured out a lot of things on my own in life and I will not be held down by fears, apprehensions or just plain angst; I will not be a puppet of the system and will continue to develop my mind and my heart. Yes I do know about a lot of different things but that does not make me inflexible or arrogant for I am always willing to learn something new as long as it comes from a logical approach. I will not internalize the fears of others nor will I compromise the knowledge or the wisdom that I have acquired for someone who may 'not be ready' and ready to 'fight'. If my words make you uncomfortable, that is not my problem, for I only speak the truth as I understand it. Look within yourselves and find your own truths because I can no longer take the blame for your inadequacies and lack of understanding.

Two of the truths and how I understand them:

The ego is a culmination of a life's experience and conditioning, the little voices in our minds that question, analyse, judge and fear anything that challenges the status-quo and our perceived selves. This is what causes us to separate for this is what gets bruised when something challenges our knowledge or questions our beliefs. This is what drives us crazy.

The true self is the part of us that can break through the ego and realize that we all love, that we all live and that we and all of nature are interconnected. This is what gives me hope, for it can bring us together, through understanding and a humility that says "I need each and every one of you and what you have to offer". This is the part that accepts our failures as learning experiences and our lack of knowledge as a chance to grow. This is what can set us free. This is the 'self' that we need, for without it we are all just frightened children that have never really grown up, continually fighting amongst each other over who's dad can beat up who's.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Ease Of Hate

Why is it that we are so hard on ourselves? We seem to internalize everything that goes wrong; in our lives, in our friends, in our lovers, in the world - we seem to punish ourselves for everything that causes pain, discomfort and separation. When that is not enough or we can no longer punish ourselves, we lash out at the ones we love and try to intentionally hurt others in order to make ourselves feel better.

What have we learned in our lives? Where did all the hatred come from? Why is it so easy to hate yet so difficult to love?

I hate a certain style of clothes, hairstyle, food, car, music, people on T.V., the list goes on and on. Now what do we love? Hate is such a powerful emotion yet it seems to be wasted on everything, seems to be thrown about with no remorse. I tried to hate and I hated for a long time. Mainly myself but also others and everything to do with society. I don't want to hate anymore.

Is this the only emotion that comes easily these days? Are we that dissatisfied with everything or so easily hurt that hate is the only emotion that seems to surface? We hate it when someone contradicts us, we hate it when they seem to know more than us, we hate it when they don't seem to listen to us, what is the problem here? Have our lives become so about 'me' that we can just hate everything that seems to challenge 'me'? Are we so insecure, that everything that contradicts us is considered a personal attack? Are we so afraid to be caught out as the people that can no longer love without conditions that we instead go on the attack ourselves, all in the name of self preservation and saving face?

What are we doing to each other? Can we not see the love that is possible, if only we let our guards down? Do we no longer believe that love can truly exist? Have we been so conditioned to competition that everyone we meet is essentially capable of stealing part of the life energy that we think we need to survive? Do we really so NEED to be recognized that we would rather fight than learn, we would rather hate than admit we are wrong or that we did not realize something on our own? It seems to be far easier to hate Muslims than it does to view scientific evidence which may implicate something or someone closer to home to the events of 9/11.

We hate that girl on Survivor, we hate that guy on The Amazing Race, we hate that person that wins the lottery, we hate that other sports team, we hate that person that got the promotion over us, we hate the person who knows more than us; is this the only 'natural' emotion that we have left? We change the channel, we delete the exes, we burn memories, we hate hate a race of people, but why? Do we really think that this is the way to make 'us' feel better? Do we really believe that an experience in life, whether bad or good, should be forgotten rather than learned from? Do we really believe that love can just be extinguished forever, simply by hating?

One year after separation or divorce, 50% of children of divorced or separated families never see their fathers again, why is this? Is this because the children end up with the mothers and hear how bad men are? Is this because the fathers no longer love them? Is this because the children no longer love their fathers? Is this fueled by shame, guilt and a myriad of other negative emotions? We are at a time when divorce is a %50 probability, what does this do? Does this not instill fear of trust, communication, honesty and love itself? Why does this happen? Could it be that in our separation from community to the self that we close down and never really open up, for anyone could be a danger or an attacker? How do we learn this?

If we cannot treat ourselves and the people that we meet in life better, how can the following generations ever have a hope of making a better world? How can they ever truly love and come together to restore a natural balance when it is so easy to hate and compete? How can humanity ever come together to assure that life is a right for all Earthly inhabitants and not just something that sometimes gets in the way of profit and the advancement of 'me'?

Monday, May 11, 2009

In The Age Of Separation

"Be independent and strong"

"Don't rely on anyone else"

"Don't get pushed around"

"Money makes the world go round"

"There are winners and there are losers"

"Men are from Mars, women are from Venus"

Funny how we have become a society that desperately searches for a 'connection' to other people but we don't seem to be able to talk and open to anyone and we even pay 'professionals' to talk with instead of the ones we supposedly 'love'. We talk to 'friends' that echo back our fears and supply some of their own but at least they are 'on our side'. We forget that a person's good deeds far outweigh their wrongs and instead focus ourselves on the 'bad' in order to justify to ourselves the inability to love that we ourselves possess. If nothing else, society teaches us that there is 'bad' in everyone and that it could come in any form; so we stay on guard and are always ready to blame.

No wonder people don't know what love is - love is a car, diamonds, house, vacation, job, music, food, family, blind, simple, easy, complicated, pain, perfect, a battlefield, the answer, the best, solves everything, ruins everything, timeless, limited, a gamble, a sure thing, forever, lost, amazing, strange, forgiving, understanding, uncertain, angry, happy, sad, everywhere, unlimited, has boundaries, insane, kind, patient, unpredictable, cruel, crazy, an idea, a feeling, your heart, nature, humanity, worth it ...

So what is it? Is it definable? Is it from the heart or the mind or both? What is it? Is it supposed to be the 'answer' and solve all of our problems? We tend to rely on it to 'save' us, but from what? Why do we chase it, is it because we grew up hearing about it everywhere? Why do we let it destroy us, is it because we never really feel worthy of it? Why do we allow the pain that it can cause to lash out at the ones that we love? We stay 'strong' and harden ourselves in order to be able to do it all over again with someone new and improved and are always comparing to what our ideals tell us is 'right'.

We tell ourselves that we love our children so we protect them from experiencing any kind of 'adverse' emotion or pain but what we really do is keep them from learning to deal with pain and challenges in life. We pack them in day-cares which leashes them together and walks them like dogs; all in the name of exercise. We love our children so much that we appreciate the fears that keep them 'out of trouble' or 'safe'. We worry when we can't keep an eye on them, when they sleep, when they go out, when they cry, when they are angry, when they are afraid, when they fall, when they're not hungry, when they eat too much ... We must be worried that they will be able to take care of themselves and therefore no longer require us.

We seem to try so hard to 'connect', to ourselves, to others, to our families, yet we practice the art of separation. How many times have you held a grudge or forgiven? How many times have you left or talked things through? How many times have you judged or accepted someone? How many times have you focused on pain rather than the joy? How many times have you seen the fear and not the adventure in life?

When we practice to separate, we give into everything that is considered 'normal' in today's society. We feed the economy through dinners, movies, dancing, gifts, flowers ... but what we really do is confuse, even further, the love that is needed to come together and change this world for a better future for the upcoming generations. We teach our children that love is temporary, that flaws are unacceptable and that there is always something better out there so they will forever keep searching, forever be 'independent' and forever be disappointed. What happens to a generation of people that are so well protected that they do not know how to deal with the inevitable pains that they will experience in their lifetime?

Let yourselves and your children fall, eat some mud, get bacteria, develop an immune system. Every experience in life is a learning experience; the good, the bad and the ugly. Let yourselves work for the love that can save the world for if it felt real, it is probably worth fighting for. Humanity can save itself but it starts with each and every one of us; we must learn to be forgiving, we must learn to see through flaws and most importantly, we must learn to see through ourselves and our fears. We must be one if there is to be a 'future'.

Monday, May 04, 2009

In A World Of What-Ifs

What-if I can't find a job and life becomes difficult?

What-if I get into a car accident?

What-if my child is kidnapped?

What-if I don't meet that deadline?

What-if I don't get that raise?

What-if I get into debt?

What-if I fall and am not wearing a helmet?

What-if I run with scissors?

What-if I climb a tree?

What-if I ride a bike without a helmet?

What-if I drive without a seat belt?

What-if my baby sleeps on its stomach?

What-if my baby sleeps on its back?

What-if the children's playground has a merry-go-round?

What-if my love is not returned to my satisfaction?

What-if I lose 'myself' when I give my love to another?

What-if society cannot change because people's genes have changed?

What-if I go on holidays without insurance?

What-if the grass is really greener on the other side?

This, of course is but a small list of the paranoia and distrust that we hold in our own abilities and the 'outcome' of whatever we do in life. There is a multitude of others, feel free to add.

Why is it that we allow the 'what-ifs' to control what we do, what we think, what we feel? What is it about giving that we find so foreign and frightful? What is it about a life of true 'humanity' that scares us so much?

Fear is the greatest control mechanism on Earth. If one is frightened of 'change' or of 'spending money' to save the world, then one will never 'demand' that change happens. One will instead 'accept' that this is their 'role' in life and do the best that they can with that limited 'choice'

What-if everyone could see the truth behind money and the society that we have built around it? What-if people started to share instead of closing themselves off from one another? What-if money no longer mattered?

The what-ifs that we should be asking are the ones that can free our minds, our hearts and humanity, not the ones that 'keep us in line' and forever fearful of the consequences. Life should be a wondrous thing, not a prison.

Free yourselves, think for yourselves; to fail is an important part of evolution and life.

The Next High

Why is it that we do not question? Why is it that we simply accept? Are we still waiting for a hero, for someone or something to come along and magically change everything; to make things better for all? We say that we must all take control of our own destinies, that we are subsequently responsible for ourselves, but where does that leave humanity as a whole? What are we ultimately responsible for? Are we not ultimately responsible for the world and the civilization that we leave for future generations? Are we not to be responsible for the balance of nature and its perpetuation towards a future?

What I have witnessed in my short but insightful life is that we seem to 'binge' on life, especially those in 'western' society. We love our gadgets, our toys, the abundance of food, water, entertainment, relationships (be it lovers, friends or family), we are constantly on the lookout for our next fix of the new, latest and trendy items to purchase, eat or explore; our next 'high' so to speak.

Some of the things that I personally remember:

Cars - I have always purchased older vehicles and worked on them myself. Throughout the years we have supposedly had a lot of advancements in motor vehicles but have we really? The first thing that comes to mind is rust, why is it that with all of the materials and 'technological' advances in materials over the last 100 years that we still drive cars that rust and fall apart? In 1981 (that is 28 years ago - think about that), there were cars that did not rust; remember the DeLorean? What is the root cause of the continuation of cars that rust? Remember the Pontiac Firefly? Here was a car that had a 3 cylinder engine and was getting 50+MPG about 25 years ago, and now we are all impressed with numbers such as 35-45MPG, did we really advance?

The fact is that we have, and have had, the technology to make better cars for a long time, to have them last longer (when is the last time that you could buy a car that was over 20 years old and not have it falling apart?), work better and be more fuel efficient (or even be electric - the EV), we just choose not to; or rather, we accept that "this is just the way it is". That 'newer is better' and we just keep on consuming and 'upgrading' to the latest and greatest models. Did you also know that GM had an engine in the 60s that made GM lose money? Not because it was not a good engine, but rather because it did not break down enough and profits were lost on parts and repairs; this engine was removed from markets and replaced with ones that were 'different' (more cubic inches or another 'impressive' fact) and which broke down at least at 'regular' intervals. Motive - Profit, not efficiency, not technical advancement, and definitely not the environment or the well managed use of resources.

Household Appliances - I used to work in the business of repairing household appliances such as ovens, laundry machines and refrigerators. I remember that I had worked on machines that were over 30 years old and still worked fine, just needing minor repairs. Now think about the ones in your house today; how old are they, are you ready to 'replace' them and what are the reasons. I saw the differences in materials used to manufacture these machines, the 'electronics' that seemed to 'hypnotize' people into purchasing the ones with the blinking lights and count down timers. People would start concerning themselves with the 'color scheme' of their appliances and the 'latest' colors were only available if one would replace their current ones. I remember one refrigerator well, it was manufactured by Whirlpool, with the System 2000 electronic control. This was a terrible machine which had a computerized board which burned out constantly. Now this was a board which replaced a control part which previously could be repaired for about 30 to 60 dollars, usually labor included. If you had one of the newer ones, the board itself was upwards of $180; all totalled the repair bill would run to about 1/3 of the cost of replacing the appliance so why repair? So it came down to - do we want to repair it and risk something else breaking? Or did we want to simply replace and have the 'peace of mind' of a 'warranty'? We have become a disposable society.

Televisions and Cell Phones - Both of these are changing and becoming obsolete constantly. TVs are now to be digital in the U.S. because the 'system' is changing 'to better serve you'. Forcing people that require a television to upgrade to the latest technology. Cell phones are the same; a good working cell phone from the past will not work on the new 'systems' for the same reasons. Let us not forget that, as digital, it is far easier to track and gather information about the users of these devices than the previous analog technologies. I won't even go into my years in the computer industry.

Now, am I the only one that has also noticed these things and simply cannot 'accept'? Have we not seen the other reciprocal effects of all this? Has no one noticed that there are fewer mechanics, that there are fewer appliance repair persons, that there are fewer television repair shops? This means that people have lost their jobs, their livelihoods and have had to adapt to something else even if this is the only thing they have ever known and even enjoyed. This has also led to bankruptcies, lower living wages and hardship for families across our 'civilized world'. This is the technological obsolescence of human labour and in our monetary system, the obsolescence of their very 'lives'.

Sometimes it is our society itself; through laws, that forces these issues of 'upgrading', of keeping up to date and of continuing the consumer cycle. These 'laws', often disguised as 'safety', are just blindly accepted and become part of us. They shape our thoughts, our behaviours and our purchasing habits using the life credits we call money. We upgrade out of vanity, competition, jealousy, self indulgence, self importance but do we ever really upgrade for ourselves?

Don't get trapped in a cyclical life, say NO MORE. Don't accept what is offered but rather demand something better. Become the deadbeat that purchases with cash or uses a credit card and then pays it off. Become the person that grows their own food or at least a portion of it. Become the person that embraces nature rather than destroys it. Become the person that is satisfied with what they have and better that, rather than trying to one-up through the upgrade cycle. Don't be a follower and don't be a leader; instead be a sharer and let us open ourselves up to each other, share information and go back to the trust in one another that society once had. Don't be afraid of 'not having', don't be afraid of 'falling behind' don't be afraid of this adventure that we call life and humanity; embrace yourselves and your fellow Earthly inhabitants, it is not 'easier' to be an 'island of one' than it is to open ones self to the wonders of life and others.

Friday, May 01, 2009

What Happened To Us?

It is no wonder that there is so little love in the world today and we are where we are. Within all the levels of divisions which one experiences in a lifetime, what tends to have been lost is the trust in others, the belief in ourselves and with that the love that people and humanity so desperately need.

Love is the most powerful and possibly the most natural of all human emotions. We like to believe that we believe in love, yet we live in fear of it. We fear that giving means someone else is taking, that we or they won't live up to expectations, that we will be left. Trust in the 'system', 'friends' and 'society' seems to come easier than in ourselves or the ones which we supposedly 'love' so we put up our defenses and shoot down anyone or anything that gets close to seeing through them and essentially into us.

Singly and with the 'support' of those which we 'allow' some influence in our lives, we resist 'change'. Saying things like "I have to be true to myself" or hearing things like "don't change for anyone"; what we really resist is our own evolution, our own ability to 'come together'. The 'change' and the 'sharing' which naturally occurs in a 'relationship' can grow and makes us uneasy, for we are taught to trust no one as they may be 'bad' and take something from us. So we run in search of what love 'should be' without ever giving a chance for love 'to be'.

We seem to search for something or someone that will 'give' as much or more than we are able to without really looking at ourselves and our own limits on 'giving' and 'receiving'; for even when we 'get' we still feel ashamed for not 'giving' as much and when we give we feel anger when we don't seem to receive to our satisfaction. We don't want to feel 'ripped off' so we become afraid to talk in fear of opening ourselves up to disappointment and laying ourselves bare and vulnerable and love never really gets the chance to flourish and grow; never gets the chance to change us into the more humanistic people which this world needs in order to change itself. Apart, we can all be afraid, together we can all gather strength to move forward and overcome challenges of life, human interaction and the world.

We 'fake' our way through life and human relationships, picking out and 'evaluating' our circumstances and concentrating on the 'uncomfortable' moments in our lives until we can bear them no longer; we then simply discard and move on, relishing the 'new' and yet to be 'broken'. Be it lovers, friends, work, homes, family or society we run away from it all but what we can not run away from is ourselves. We practice 'corporate' breakups using the same cold methods of analysis (have I gotten as much or more than I have given?) without talking and forever heaving blame (to others and ourselves), we rationalize leaving and move on to the next model in hopes that this will be the 'one' until even the new wears on our nerves and seems 'broken' to us. Never really feeling but rather being enamored with the concept of couple-hood and love.

I spent my entire life with the 'negative' aspects of love, never really giving in fear of 'the end' or of my own 'worthiness'. I tried to be a 'rock' because men don't cry but we don't have to become hard and strong for each other, for as a 'strong' self' we can never be as powerful as a loving community and if we continue to search for a 'perfect' state of being, we will always be disappointed.

There is no longer unconditional love, for nothing lasts forever in our 'upgrade' lives. We deem things as too much work, that there has to be something or someone easier, so we 'move on'; never really allowing ourselves to be the 'good' people that we so need to be. We search for perfection without ever believing in utopia and accepting what society has to offer. I don't want a 'perfect' love or a perfect world because I will never feel worthy from the start. Love is something that is work, something that grows and does change people, once we realize that and accept it, then maybe we can be humble enough to truly experience what love and life has to offer; then we may be able to move into a more human existence.

I ask of everyone to ask themselves - What happened to 'us'?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

My Realization

Seeing the negative aspects in life and the society that we have built can lead one to see the negative in everything.

Without some 'joy' of life, how can we ever come together as a species?

I could see all of the joys disappearing and being taken away from us. I focused on it, I tried to make others see in hopes that they could be angry enough to do something. I found that they can instead concentrate so much on the negative that they find themselves seeing everything as bad and desperately reaching for the 'joy' that is portrayed or that which they had in their life.

It took me a long time and some unbelievable pain (my own and that which I inflicted) to realize that it was not the world that I hated, but myself. I drowned myself in the pain that I had been harboring all of my life and fueled it with the problems which I saw in the world. I did not realize until it was too late that my fire had burned everyone that I had ever known and cared about.

It is so easy to concentrate on the negative; we are, after all, a society built upon blame, responsibility and punishment. We see people as invading our space, trying to change us, not pulling their weight, potential thieves or terrorists and we close off our loving, caring and understanding.

We walk down the street and judge people by their looks and what they wear, we listen to conversations and judge people for what they say (and I was a huge player in this one), we judge them by their jobs, education, children, past mistakes and just about everything else that we can. Well I found that this also divides and makes us grow further apart.

I never gave life a real chance, I never gave people a real chance; I was always too afraid of becoming 'one of them' that I ignored the beauty in everyone and lashed out in hopes of not caring.

I digress, I don't know what to do or think anymore, I know though, that I cannot hurt anymore; not myself and not others. This blog has been so angry for so long, I have been so angry for so long. I still believe that everyone needs help but I will try to do it with a little more tenderness. I see now that my judgments hurt and that I have been judging for so long.

I would like to send a sincere apology to those that I have hurt in my life and to those that I have not, I wish you well but please try to see within yourselves the power of humanistic change.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

"Experts Say" - The Rest Of You Are Morons

I am so tired of supposed 'intelligent' people telling me that 'experts say' this and 'experts say' that or that a 'study' says or suggests something. Usually these experts and studies are referring to things which could be considered 'common sense' or which demands a change in one's perception, judgments, beliefs and behavior.

I did a Google News search for the exact phrase "experts say" and came back with 20,198 hits. The same search with "scientists say" comes back with 3691. Why is it that scientists and their opinions don't get the exposure that 'experts' do? This search is only in the 'News' section of Google. If you search within years, you can notice that the results have grown significantly over the decades. Here are some of the good ones I saw:

"Experts say anyone can be target of clever con artists" - thanks for that bit of 'clarity' - now what does this really say? It tells us be 'be on our guard' and to 'look out for ourselves' because 'danger' lurks around every corner and anyone can be a 'victim'. This is playing on the fears associated with property and security. Now with it being an 'expert' that conveys this message, it must be true and one must be afraid.

"Cold snap may do some agricultural harm, experts say" - crops may be affected by freezing? go figure. - An asinine way of create a 'faith' in what 'experts' say. They have to announce some 'obviousness' in order to appear legitimate as a whole.

"Experts say Africa has minimal influence over own development, destiny" - Africa is be plundered and shaped by other nations? No wait, it's 'destiny'; how 'mystic'. If something can be accepted as 'mystic' then little explanation or investigation is needed. One wouldn't want to go against 'destiny' or public consensus now would one?

"Reducing dependence on foreign oil will not happen overnight, experts say" - Getting us to believe that there is a normal, lengthy transition that will take place. Blindly accepting any 'restrictions' such as financial, conceding that it trumps sanity, humanity and morality.

"Standards needed for ski helmets, experts say" - with the picture of the dead celeb skier, nice touch, though there is no 'proof' that she died from the supposed fall.

Take the helmet, you have something that people will associate with death and safety for the children. There will be debates and studies and then there will be 'laws' to protect 'everyone'. Some will think "huh, not affecting me" and go on in oblivion until one day 'experts say helmets should be worn...' where ever they may be. When it finally affects them, it is too late because precedence has been set.

Keep us dumb but make us feel protected while projecting a sense of intelligence and of being 'informed'; this also creates the ego reactions which we all so frequently experience. The hurtfulness and sense of 'personal' attack which we feel is actually a 'reaction' brought about by the ego. We all want to be 'intelligent' and we parrot the things that we hear in order to portray that, all the while not really thinking, but rather, 'accepting' whatever the 'experts' tell us. The 'contradictions', such as 'Utopian dreams' and visions of real change, force us to look at the way that 'we' live and see the deficiencies therefore they seem to 'attack' the very way that 'we' live and our very 'intelligence'. There are so many 'expert' opinions that the subjects are all left with no real conclusions and science no longer matters, just opinions; we all have them but are they really 'ours'?

When did we reach that time when we needed 'experts' to tell us how to think? Do we really need help being told what to be afraid of and how to formulate our own opinions? How does the parroting of other's opinions, make them 'our' opinions? When did we stop thinking? We are told what to eat, drink, consume, where to live, what to say, how to react, what to believe and how to raise our children. There are laws, by-laws, mandates, orders, certificates, licenses ..., which 'punish' us in one form or another if we don't behave a certain way. We cheer them on and demand more laws and certificates in the name of 'security' and more 'punishment' for those that stray.

Does anyone know if vitamins, milk, eggs, sun block, baby formula, peanuts are good for us or not? Don't drink soy milk, drink soy milk, don't take vitamins, take vitamins, a barrage of noise in the end confusing the choices just enough to opt for the easy way out: whatever is easiest on the pocketbook. We all want to eat healthy but since the 'experts' have made the term 'biological' trendy, we pay through the nose for it.

Here are a few more gems that I also liked:

"Some Experts Say Rescue Program Might Not Work" - If they are truly experts, why are they so ambiguous? Because this way, either way, the 'experts' are correct, some 'experts' may be better than others.

"Emerging technologies need regulatory reform, experts say" - This is also about invoking a sense of unease about 'emerging' technologies and inspiring a form of 'control' over them. We wouldn't want any too 'radical' ideas springing forth.

"Times not so bad, experts say" - A nice definitive statement for you to believe. uh huh , duh, must be right, duh, good thing all these 'experts' are here to , duh get me through life, uh huh :) Too bad about my job, it'll pick up, we'll get through this.

"Experts say financial situation is not out of control" - If you believe, it will happen, we will bounce back to 'normal'. We seem to revel in the 'hope' and the 'faith' that these experts portray.

Hooked on experts, people don't have to think, don't have to question, don't have to feel uncomfortable about their limited knowledge because there are 'teams' of people doing their thinking for them and making sure that their experiences are 'safe' and 'controlled'. This is the same mentality of children - "If I leave it long enough, someone else will do it." It amazes me how we ever got to this point in humanity without all of these 'protections; we should have all been wiped out centuries ago.

Instead of holding onto our collective ignorance we should be embracing questions and different ideas. Look into something, don't just blindly accept it on the word of 'experts' and 'studies'. Think about your own life and experiences before passing 'judgments' and 'labels'. Collect as much information as possible; dive into the possibilities of life, human experience and co-existence with an open mind and a clear view of what is happening. Only through understanding using scientific analysis and self reflection can the 'truth' ever be found.