Just Feel - This May Be Goodbye

I have spent my life avoiding feelings; never really able to give myself or receive true feeling because I thought it would make me vulnerable or weak and I thought that if I did, I would just get hurt. I ran away, I buried them and I lived in denial of feelings because they were too frightening and I thought that they could destroy me. Turns out that not feeling is what had almost destroyed me. Not feeling had enticed me to live in a closed world. Not feeling had hurt me and everyone else around me.

Are we really capable of feeling these days? To truly reach out and give without it being selfish? To completely open our hearts to the world and its inhabitants without being afraid that it will leave us bare and hurt us in the end? Are we capable of living a life that is good for the environment? That is good for other human beings? That is good for the very energies that bring us together and gives us hope? Are we capable of releasing our fears and truly feeling?

We live in a land of confusion where feelings are measured, are scrutinized and are feared because we may lose in the end. We are afraid that we may feel too much, we are afraid that we may feel too little, we are afraid to get hurt, we are afraid to hurt others, we are afraid of being taken advantage of; where does this endless fear come from? Is it the endless news slayings of spouses? Is it the countless movies portraying psycho killers? Is it the easy life that we have lived where nothing really matters? Is it a sense that we will lose ourselves? Is it the fear of being alone? Is it the fear of not being alone? What are we afraid of? Are we afraid of learning, about others and ourselves? Are we afraid of not feeling 'special'? Are we afraid that we may have to sacrifice for a relationship or a better life? What is it that scares us so? Why do we seem to believe in the flawed and fear the new and possible as too frightening?

When our minds, which are obviously conditioned, take over our decisions of feeling, what happens? Do we just justify the emotions away? Do we just ignore them? Do we go through the thousands of 'what-ifs' in our minds and tell ourselves it is too difficult? Do we pick out perceived flaws and justify them away? What happens when you see a homeless person on the street? What do you think? What do you feel? What do you feel when you see news casts about death in far away places? What do you feel when someone proves you wrong? What do you feel on a day-to-day basis? Is it confusion? Are you being pulled in many different directions? Where do you eventually end up?

Why do we refuse to accept that there is wrong in the world which we call society? I am not talking of the thieves, or murderers, or terrorists, I am talking about the very system that we are locked into; the very system that makes us all complicit in one way or another, the very system that makes it acceptable not to help others if it is not economically viable. Is it the guilt? Is it the shame? Do we not want to accept any blame for anything? Is our ego all too important to see what we all do, what we all accept as "just the way it is" or "reality"? Have we really lost the ability to see the "good" future through the fog of the present reality? Where has the imagination gone? Where has the compassion gone?

When did fighting for a love that one believes in become an act of psychosis? When did we start to believe that someone that loves us can actually do us harm and fear them so? When did the fear become so strong that it just over shadows any feeling that may be positive? When did we become so obsessed in ourselves that others just no longer matter?

I remember being in Namibia for two years as a volunteer and having most of my possessions stolen in a break-in; I also remember telling myself that I hope the people responsible needed them more than I did. I admit that that thought did not come immediately, it took some time but in the end it was not about me or my possessions. I had begun to feel for the first time in my life.

I don't know what to feel any more. I am hurt, destroyed and just plain broken these days. I feel betrayed, useless and that I just don't belong anywhere. Will I ever be able to give myself to anything or anyone again? Can I still believe that humanity has it within itself to have compassion and heal itself? Will I ever again believe in love; be it universal or between two people? I am done; I don't know if I will ever write again. I don't know if I will ever care again. I don't know if I will ever believe in anything positive in this crap that we call life.

To those that have followed my ramblings throughout the time that my mind has released its thoughts, I thank you for your support; I also apologize for bringing you into my despair and the negativity that I seem to bring out in the world. Maybe one day I will heal myself but then again, maybe I shall just disappear and never be heard from again.

Which Path?

As I look around and see what we have become, I am frightened by the majority of people that I see. Those that have nothing to give; looking out for number one because 'who else should I look out for?'. Self preservation seems to be the order of the day; the future can wait for I don't want to miss a thing nor feel any discomfort.

Carl Jung adamantly declared that “Mental illness is the avoidance of suffering.” - Collectively, we are afraid of discomfort and avoid its potential for our growth and development. So how do we move forward? If we view everything as 'good' or 'evil', how can we learn from the 'negatives' in life and move towards a more 'positive' future? How do we accept that the 'negatives' are just as important as the 'positives' and that unity of the whole is only achieved through the overcoming of separation.

Contrary to what I have been accused of, I write because I care, because I want a better world for our children's children and because I believe that love in the world can overcome the selfish tendencies which we have developed throughout our lives; the separation which keeps us in check and afraid. I see the problems in the world, not because I am negative, but because I can see past that and reach for something better; I can imagine a better world and a better society. If one reads my writings, they can tell that I still believe in humanity, for without that there is solely pure despair and resentment.

I have not told any lies, I have not manipulated any minds and I have not done anything out of pure selfishness. Sure I may not be as selfless as I would like to think but I do know that without seeing the problems, there can never be any solutions. I do know that without the ability to see clearly, we will forever remain in a cloud of doubt and fear. All I want in life is to do good and to give and receive love; for myself and for the world. I have been equated to my observations and writings; angry, negative and a danger to those that just want to be normal. I have been portrayed as a monster because I see the injustices and the manipulations in the world around me. I have been tossed aside because I am perceived as a danger to life as we know it and its comfort zone.

Some people will never really believe in love, for their selves will always be more important than the discovery of togetherness and community, than giving yourself in such a way that you can see a new and improved you forming before your eyes; for if there is a new me, what happened to the old self I know and am comfortable with? Love is the removal of barriers which keep us separated from other beings; when we hold onto those barriers or boundaries, we can never really accept love and we can never really give ourselves as completely as it may deserve; we can never really give it or ourselves a chance.

So what do I do? Where do I go? How do I again believe that good will always prevail or that love will find a way? I am at a crossroad in my life; where I can choose the path of simplicity and acceptance; the one well travelled and universally accepted as the norm. The one that offers least resistance and fewer judgements; the 'complaint free world'. Or do I continue to see and fight for something better. Do I continue to put others before myself and truly try to find that path which won't offend others into fearing me, into running away from me and into finding me offensive to the point of simply tossing me aside for I am judged as too much work and simply not worth it.

I have never felt so alone in life but at the same time, I have never felt so connected.

On The Edge Of Insanity - Coming Back To The Good

It is interesting how powerful a broken heart can be. It can push and pull you into all sorts of directions that you normally would not venture. It can bring you to the edge of insanity and sometimes even push you over. I narrowly escaped its clutches throughout all of this. My pain had engulfed me so completely that all I wanted to do in the end was lash out in hopes that the other party would hurt as much as I did.

What happened to the love that I had? I never wanted to hate this woman; I never wanted to resent her. So what happened? How did I let myself get so consumed by the pain that she hurled at me and allow myself to wish bad things upon her. How did I forget who I was and concentrate solely on 'my pain' without considering the pain that she too is going through? How did I make this all about 'me'?

I awoke this morning after a night of drinking, to find that I had posted, out of anger, nasty things about this woman. I swiftly deleted what I had done but it made me realize that this is as close to insanity that I want to get. I realized that I must release my pain and move on if I want to be of any use to myself and to others. I realized that I simply traded the pain from my childhood for the pain that she caused me and was still holding onto it and keeping myself from truly moving forward.

It is true that I have never felt this way before, nor have I ever been treated this badly but that does not excuse what I almost turned into. I know that all I wanted from this woman was to give and receive love - and we did for the most part - but I also know that I must move forward and forgive this woman, as she deals with her own issues that caused this pain and that I must wish her well in her future.

I don't want to hate, I don't want to resent and I don't want to hold a grudge and punish this woman. There is too much punishment in the world already; I simply want to heal. This was never about me, this was about the pain that she had held in for her lifetime. I am just a victim of her own inner turmoil and must forgive her for that if I want to ever be able to feel again. This is the hardest part, taking my own advice, following what I know has to be done in order to grow as a person and release myself of the pain that I continue to hold onto to. For the first time in four months, I did not wake up crying today; this is a good sign.

Deleted Posts

Some will notice that my nasty posts about the end of this relationship that I tried so hard to believe in, is gone.

I have deleted this post because I realize that I do not want to be that man. The one that must hate another just because that is what he receives. I do not want to be nasty.

I do not need to explain myself because I never lied. I was always truthful, if not revealing of what was eating me up inside.

I did believe in love; that it can withstand, that it can forgive, that it can not judge and that it can last forever. I have to still believe that it exists.

I will leave the other posts about my pain and my eventual recovery from this. This helped me deal with this as I still go on and try not to harden into the man I was in my past. The first step is to start liking myself again, for after this I have very little self love.

The hard part will be going alone again, with no one to really talk to and to exchange ideas and theories with. I am now thinking that I have nothing to offer anyone and wonder if my fight for a just world is even worth it.

I Don't Believe Any More

The blaming, the anger, the accusations, the resentment and the pain; all things that seem to be a lot easier to hold onto and believe in than the love which may leave us bare; forever viewing love as a weakness. Again, facing ourselves, the people that we have become and the persons that we wish to be, is the most difficult thing in the world to come to grips with.

It is easier to hate, to loath, to accuse, hold onto our pain and just wipe clean the memories of love than to come to grips with our own limitations or faults and work through them. It is easier to view the world as an enemy than to love it for what it is and what it could be. This is the basis of our relationships; consuming until it is spent, then deleting, forgetting, moving on, blaming and letting go until we consume the next without really looking at our own complicity of the pain and the situation that brought us to it.

How can I believe any more? How can I believe that love will find a way? How can I believe in a better world? How can I believe in the good of others when all they ever do is show me that they do not believe in love and are all too selfish? They seem to be fighting so hard for 'independence', to stand on their own two feet to save them from the change of unity; forever afraid to 'lose' themselves because this is the only thing that they know. The unknown is a chance that most do not want to take for they fear that all it can bring is misery.

Do we have to be alone, in order to come to grips with ourselves? How is my 'independence' going to teach me about love and the unity of life? This seems to be the only way forward for some, as long as they can do it and not just revert back to their current selves. As we move forward, we seek out people that we think can help, but can they really? Can the limitations of others really help us overcome our own? So we search for people that can help us but what we settle for are people that echo back our own limitations. When we do find someone strong enough to get us through, we fear them and toss them aside, all the while justifying it with our fears and the imaginary situations that they portray all the while being justified by our peers and our own fearful minds.

Why change the world when everyone says that it is OK? When our lives seem comfortable for the moment, why rock the boat? The thousands that die everyday don't directly affect me, so why even think about it? 'It just brings me down.' It seems that everyone wants that 'complaint free world' but no one is willing to work for it, they are just willing to live in denial of the truth.

Everyone I know is locked into the system; they have regular jobs, families, homes and they obey all laws without question. Everyone that I care for lives their lives 'as it is meant to be'. How does one go against this? How can I keep thinking differently? How can I keep believing that 'it can be better' for everyone?

I am so tired of fighting the 'right now' for a better future, of losing those close to me simply because I can think of a time when things will be fairer and of being discarded whenever I don't measure up to 'normal' because I ask too many questions or think differently. I have recently suffered the greatest loss in my life because I think that I am doing good when others view me as an attacker and arrogant. They think that I employ some sort of mind control in the way that I talk and fear me for I will 'drag them through the mud' if they listen to me.

I am so tired of 'be able to see' what others refuse to, of seeing the world and society for what it has become, of believing that there is a better way and that love will save the world. I am tired of not being normal, of not being loved, of not being accepted, of being viewed as offensive. The blame never stops; blamed for my parents, blamed for my life, blamed for not being the man that society portrays as a success even blamed for imaginary future scenarios; the 'what-ifs' of a relationship.

I have never been interested in making money or in the competition of everything. Having to 'compete', with the measure of life itself being 'economics'; judged by what you do, what you own, how much you can provide and never really reaching that 'desired' level because there will never be enough. I have always just wanted a simpler life, one with more living and less 'making a living'.

We compete with family, friends, lovers and they all compete with us. The separation that occurs with each word, action or disappointment wears you down until one day it boils over. Fights, arguments, divorces, it's all the same; the building of boundaries that separate us from one another, the reason that love no longer matters and no longer is worth working at. The reason that we cannot see what is in front of us because 'it just doesn't affect me'.

I believed in love; one that forgives, that talks, that is willing to fight and that is strong enough to get through tough times. I just don't know if I can keep believe in it. We are all too eager to punish instead of heal so I no longer know if the love that the world needs to heal itself actually exists. I don't know if the love that is needed to heal our selves is possible at this point for our selves have become way too selfish.

So it is the end for whatever good that I may have been feeling, the end of my belief in 'love' and its wondrous 'powers'; there is no love, so let the anger return for at least I can count on that and it never lets me down.

I am a broken man, having given my heart so completely only to have it thrashed over and over again, having believed that 'love would prevail' only to have it kick me, again and again, when I was down. I cannot go on like this.

What do I have left? What can I think when the world and its human population just seems to care for itself? No future for the next generations, for they will have to deal with that themselves. When you confront them about being selfish, they usually reply with 'who else should I think of?'. No love for others, for they might just get in the way of 'what I am feeling'. The whole world is selfish and 'looking out for number one', not caring about where we are headed, not caring about the hearts that they trample on because if they did, 'they might feel bad' and we wouldn't want that.

So we 'move on' and wait for the next heart to trample on. We search for that 'connection' that never seems to come to us and we try to live life in a 'complaint free' environment. I cannot do it any more, I cannot play these games that care only for my own well being, I need more; I need to think about the future that we leave.

So bring back the anger that I just recently shed myself of, bring back the hate towards every last one of you selfish bastards, for if I hold onto love, I am the one that will get hurt and I am the one that will be destroyed forever.

The End Of Love

Some personal notes.

The greatest pains:

Letting go of the only love you ever had. - All my life I have pushed people away. I have never really allowed love to be a part of my life. Being a person that, as a child, was molested, I have held a lot of pain, shame, guilt and self loathing inside myself. Anytime that it would seem that I was getting close to someone, I have made sure to push the right buttons, to screw things up or to just leave and never deal with it again. The only time that I do not push love away, it leaves.

Believing that this person loved me - at the end when one sees how easy love is thrown away, believing that there ever was any love is very difficult.

Not being able to talk to the only person you have ever been able to open up to. - Having never opened before, the hardest part is not sharing all of the things that go through a day with the one that you love so completely.

Losing your best friend. - Same as above and knowing that she does not love me and probably never really did.

Thinking that you had been lied to from the beginning. - all the words, sentiments, emotions shared and experienced are now just lies. The "I love you so much", the "watching each other grow old", the "love that will withstand multiple lifetimes", the "I am so happy that you are in our lives" (this was my favourite), the "married in our hearts" - all became empty words and lies in a flash of anger and desperation and don't deserve a second chance.

Having apologized and explained my harshness but not being forgiven for it and forever having it thrown in my face. - The harshness that I had experienced was due to holding in the pain and anger for so many years and fueling it by smoking pot to disable the soft side of me. When I realized this and shared it, it was not enough to be forgiven.

Crying everyday. - Makes for very long days when all I do is cry. Even 4 months later, I still cry every day; when will it stop?

Seeing the deceptions in life. - Seeing the lack of love and any real emotions in the world and its 'systems' are now more difficult to take as this is one of the reasons for my love leaving.

Living with what I know - Knowing that I fueled the escape of love from me through realizations about her and others is difficult to live with without constantly beating yourself up.

Being right most of the time - No one likes someone to be right most of the time as this tends to affect their own sense of self worth.

Trying to talk to people who only hear what they want to hear - When talking about issues or fears people tend to personalize everything and take things as an attack on their very being.

Knowing that most people misunderstand everything that I try to say - Same as above.

Being loved for my insight, then being resented for it - The different view on things tends to be sexy for a while until it starts to shatter the views that we have been conditioned to believe in. Knowing that she resents me for everything that she had at first loved me for.

When the love of your life doesn't want to miss you - When love leaves it tries to extinguish itself, killing the feeling in order to make things easier and to facilitate and justify leaving.

When your heart tears your body apart - The pain that I feel is also a physical one, throughout my entire body. It affects the way I sleep, eat and can leave me curled up in a ball on the floor in agony.

Realizing that no one would want me, for I am 40 years old and jobless, homeless, moneyless, no education and loveless - Never really having fit into society as it is portrayed, I realize that a love which lives within it will never be mine for I will never be worthy and will always be judged.

Trying to believe that love wins out in the end - Love has too many hurdles to overcome, most of them within ourselves.

Believing that if you love something, set it free and it will come back - We are told this but do we really believe it, I have never experienced a return of anything.

Knowing that love never comes back - As above, realizing that it is over and will never get another chance exacerbates that pain. Knowing that she has zero love for me in her heart and that the love that we did have has been pushed out of her heart.

Knowing that I will never love another - Knowing that this was the greatest love of my life and that I will never again be able to open myself completely as this one has a part of me that I can never get back. Knowing that I will never again be able to trust another heart with mine.

Realizing that people are afraid of you. - When love is so intense that it scares people or knowledge is so easy that it also scares people away. The love that tries to hold on can make people believe that the hurt party can be violent or vengeful.

Knowing that one can never know love unless one surrenders to it - too bad fear usually wins.

Knowing that all of my intentions and love were always true, honest and real but also knowing that she and others judge my belief in our love as a weakness and ridicule it as a 'trick' or a manipulation.

Seeing how mean and cruel love can turn when you reach the end.

Letting Go, With Hope

Letting go of the love of my life, is the most difficult thing that I have to do. The realizations about myself and the ones that I shared with her were gifts that I will forever be grateful for and I know that she must venture out alone in order to overcome everything that she has held in for so many years; I wish that I could help but at this stage, I seem to do more harm than good.

I wrote before that the journey inside one's self and breaking through our own barriers was a monumental task. She has set me free of my demons throughout all of the pain that we have shared through this time and now she must free herself. I try, everyday, to let her go, but my heart always reaches out to her; I cannot stop myself but I know that I must, not only for me but more for her.

I know that we have a connection and a love that will forever be there in one form or another, that what we share will span for multiple life times, not just the one that writes these words. The fear of losing her is so great that it blinds my judgment and makes it more difficult for both of us. "If you love something set it free" has rung in my head from all of those cheesy movies about love, where the love finally finds it way back but the doubt that I have is also very strong and keeps me hanging on, like gripping to a rope in order not to fall into an empty pit of despair.

There is no doubt that I need this woman for only she has given me hope throughout my entire life, only she has managed to break down my walls so completely and let the 'good' me surface to face the world. She is my better half, my soul mate, my raison d'etre and without that, I don't know where I will end up. Through all of the pain that I know she feels and that she throws my way, I still have to believe in my love and in the forgiveness and kindness that she has brought out in me.

As some of you may realize, the words that I write on this Blog have never been just words. I don't really think about what it is that I write, I instead feel the words and let my fingers do the typing. This especially holds true for what I write about her; these are not merely words to show her that I too can find my soft side, not words to 'lure' her back to me, these come straight from my heart. I see that I have been thinking only of my pain and have been selfish that way, I know she is also in pain and I only wish I could have helped her through it.

Maybe one day, she will again see 'me' for who I am, for who I am becoming and be able to forgive the person that I am leaving behind. Maybe one day our hearts will connect again when she becomes the person that she wants to be. Our hearts will always be as one but will that really be enough? I have to hope, no matter how foolish others may see me as, for only I can judge my own heart.

Where Did The Orgasm Go?

In the age of digital communications, there is so much of 'us' that seems to be 'lost in translation'. I was watching TV (for some reason) and there was a commercial for one of the giant communications corporations giving statistics on the amount of breakups occurring via text, voice mail and email and I was so saddened by it. It seems that the affairs of the heart, the connections to others that we so need have been reduced to just another statistic and something that can easily be thrown away and marketed for the profit of the few.

No longer looking someone in the eye and telling them how we feel or even allowing them to see us through our own deceptions, we leave, run, breakup and split; forever looking for the '29 dimensions of compatibility' (eharmony.ca). We search for that 'love' that we are told all of our lives exists, but we never seem to give it a chance for what we search for seems to be what we are now and not what we need for the future. We seem to search for 'ourselves' without understanding that 'change' is what we really need; in ourselves and in the world. We have a seemingly infinite number of friends but do we really connect or open ourselves to any of them?

We have friends that we go to dinner with, we have friends that we go to shows with, we have friends that we go on vacations with but who are we really? Are we just what we portray depending on whom we are with? Are we forever doomed to portray a face that another will accept instead of showing who we really are? We portray sadness in order not to invoke jealousy or happiness so that others won't 'feel sorry for us' but when do we really get the chance to see ourselves? When can we really grow and explore who we are and find the loving and caring people that we all want to be? When can we ever really just be and enjoy what happens without judgement or fear of it? We tend to see our giving, opening and accepting of the love of others as a vulnerability and our own love as a weakness, rather than seeing it as a strength that can transcend the fears that our minds feed us.

Let us think about the 'power of the orgasm' for a minute (or forever). It is amazing how it works for it is when the body connects so strong, that it can wash away the voices of the mind and actually let the spirit free to see what is real without the distractions that the world conditions us to see. What happened to our sexual revolution? In the sixties, the establishment was worried, for with the sex came connections and pleasure which seemed to blow away the clouds of our egos and allowed us to bare ourselves to each other; to connect on a level that no one could 'control'. The voices that control us, the insecurities that echo in our minds and separate us out of fear seemed to vanish and allowed a genuine communication and connection to take place; what happened to that? How did the fire in our spirits get so easily extinguished?

In the age of 'sex sells' everything and 'porn' is a manner of control for anyone willing to bare all, where did it take us? Have we been frightened into believing that the most natural of human interactions can be harmful or shameful? Have we buried our desires based upon 'those types just have no respect for themselves'? Where is the openness that the 'orgasm' brings? Why has that turned into a competition and a way to 'prove oneself', instead of the enjoyment and the connection that it is designed to bring? A real 'orgasm' only occurs when one can give themselves completely, without fear of judgement and the struggle of control; when one can accept that a 'change' will occur in both parties and that a 'growth' will occur as two people become one with each other. A real orgasm can make us see that the world can be a beautiful place, so long as we don't fear the unknown or the what-ifs.

As we become one with ourselves and are able to open and accept others and the love that they have to give, only then will be be able to get past the voices in our minds; the ones that tell us how to act, what to fear and to question our very existence and actions. Only then will we be able to give and receive what the world needs to heal itself. Only then will humanity really have a chance to move forward and to come together for the benefit of all the world's inhabitants. It is the fears that keep us 'in check' and keep us from accepting the changes that will transcend the injustices. That keep us from believing in a 'Utopian' world that is just for all and that keeps us forever suckling at the tit of the competition based system that tries so hard to keep from slipping away into the abyss that it must eventually flow.

Go out and find your 'orgasm', for your body, mind and spirit for it can set you free, if you let it. Find the 'self' that can give completely, without question and without fear and don't analyze, feel and trust your selves, for we all have the capacity to give and receive, to form a better humanity for all; don't run from your emotions but rather, embrace them for only then can we begin to 'feel' again.

The Love Of My Life - Part One

I will never forget the day that I met the love love of my life. We were both working at the same corporation and I had noticed her walking throughout the building during my rounds as technical support. I had never taken the chance to say hello, as I, like so many others these days, was afraid to approach a woman due to the fear of 'human resources'. So I noticed her from afar and never made contact until that one day in which she needed technical support.

She had called for help and the other person that I was working with at the time had said that he did not want to go as he considered her a 'pain in the ass' and didn't want to 'deal' with her. I gladly jumped at the opportunity and away I went. So I walked in and introduced my self and she told me the issue that she was having, I then proceeded to crawl under her desk to fix the problem at hand.

That is how it all started and from then on we would see each other and say hi, we would 'accidentally' (not always by accident as sometimes I planned it) encounter ourselves outside or on the bus and we would talk. We would talk about her life, her boyfriend or just about anything else. Sometimes I would make her blush and she would run away smiling, this melted my heart but I dared not make any moves. One day I walked her home from the metro and she invited me in and I laughed and said something about her 'man fridge'. I did not stay long but it was a good feeling to see her and talk to her, whenever I could.

I stopped doing technical support and started a position in the training department. To my surprise (and a nice coincidence), she would come by more often as she was conversing with the department and did work sometimes right beside my desk. So we talked and laughed and would continue going for walks and our friendship slowly blossomed. After a while, I had to leave, for I found that I was not happy in the training department and felt like they wanted just another 'trained monkey'; so off I went to Venezuela and I did not make any moves on this woman before that, as I knew she was not ready.

I spent a month in Venezuela and then I returned to Canada and ended up building wireless communications towers for a year and a half. During my time doing this I was writing my blog and she left a search message for me, wondering where I was and how I was. That was it. We started communicating, and she told me that the 'Crocodile Dundee' trip that I took looked great and 'welcome back. So I went to the company that she works at and saw some old 'bosses' about maybe returning and I left her a message on the phone. We then started to communicate regularly and that is when our connection to each other started to be noticeable. She had finally left her boyfriend and the door was open, along with her heart.

So we conversed for a month in cyberspace and by phone until I said I was coming to see her at Christmas; like a couple of school kids, we were both excited. I drove the 7 hours to see her, texting her by SMS when I got close and she met me in front; she climbed in the car and I looked at her, grabbed her and planted the first kiss, one I will never forget. I stayed a week and we had the most amazing time, talking, laughing, exploring each other and just connecting on a level that I had never experienced in all my life. I was hooked.

We continued our long distance relationship and I would go and see her or she come and see me when we had the chance; all the while our love and connection for each other grew to something that I had never imagined possible. We laughed, we cried, we shared and the bond grew stronger and stronger. I told her that I wanted to escape the city life and that I had hoped to return to the mountains of my youth for a more natural lifestyle, she had told me that she was willing to do the same and we talked more and more. After 4 months, she asked me to come live with her as she could no longer take the long distance, so off I went and gladly took on the responsibility of husband and father and fell in love with her daughter as our love grew. We had told each other that we never needed to get married for we were already married in our hearts.

Eventually I regressed back into myself, feeling trapped and wanting to leave, for the city had never been for me. I started to smoke pot on a regular basis in an effort to kill 'the city' around me but had not noticed that it was also beginning to kill my soft side, the side that she needed to see. I pushed my ideas and views of the world for the year that we were together. I could not see that I was changing her and that is not what I wanted to do, for I loved the woman that I had met and I loved the softness and good that she had introduced into my life. We began to grow apart and the more that happened, the harder I pushed. Now I am not saying that I am laying blame, for we each had our demons to take care of and we both jumped into this relationship that had consumed us so completely; I am just reflecting.

After a year, she could take no more and I don't blame her. I had become hard and made her beautiful view of the world almost disappear. The last months had just been two people 'existing' and this was also not good for her daughter; so she threw me out. This was the right thing to do for all concerned for since then, I have made a lot of realizations, have begun to connect with myself and family and have released many demons. She meanwhile has been being true to herself and dealing with her own past issues which makes me glad because I love her even more for it.

So we both find ourselves hurt and wary but at least some communications have started again. I don't expect a return to our boundless love but at least there is hope while we discover ourselves, that our paths may meet again. Be it 6 months or many years, she will always be my one true love. If we ever do find our selves together again it will be the 'strong' love that I believed that we had from the beginning. I will never open myself so completely to another for that half of my heart will always be with her. I have to believe in something and maybe one day that belief will pay off. As I become a better man and she rediscovers her true path I have to believe that, in the end, love always wins.

As the title says, this is part one - will there be a part two? Only time will tell but I can never abandon the hope or the complete love in my heart for I had never felt, in my entire life, so complete as I did with her and her daughter.

The Voyage Of Forgiveness

Seeing the evolution of me throughout my life has been the roughest voyage that I could ever embark on. Coming to grips with the pain that I have held in for so long and internalizing the pain of others whom I may or may not have had some influence in and making myself hard for so many years. I had forgotten how to love, how to forgive and most importantly, how to release myself from the pain and throw some love my way.

I have been connecting with myself and family that I have not seen for up to 25 years or so lately. I listen a lot but now I can finally open up to see and feel the joys and pains that they themselves have held in for so long. The things that they have convinced themselves of and found that 'I am not the only one'.

I have an aunt that has not really slept in 30 years and I talked with her today along with others about it. She disclosed to me many things and I picked up on a lot during the afternoon. She seems to be holding all the pain inside for everyone, taking a lot of responsibility for everything. Her husband, has had 2 brain operations and some feel that 'he is no longer there' and she is the one that has had to re-teach him how to do things such as eat. I listened while she told me of her daughter and the husband that she had lost at an early age and I could feel all of the pain that my aunt had internalized, how she still pains because this man had died within 3 days and at the age of 41 with 3 kids at home.

I shared with her my understanding, that the only thing that anyone in life can be certain of is death but that we have to focus on the 'life' that the person had and not on the 'end' that so many tend to. I told her that she has to release herself and allow her heart to be happy again so that she may enjoy some sleep. Now I know that this sounds simplistic and I know that I may be full of it, but I do believe that healing one's self is key to being able to open up to the good instead of just focusing on the negative.

As I talked and everyone listened to what it was that I had to say and felt the things that I was saying may actually be truths, I noticed something; the uncle that was not really there was listening intently. I could see the focus in his mind and the understanding of my words and the smile on his face at times as I spoke of healing the self and letting go of the hurt. Now letting go does not mean forgetting, but instead seeing it as the good even if the negatives were so memorable.

So we talked and discussed, life, kids, family, joys and pains. I listened as my mother and the two women counted stories of the past but a lot of focus was made on the bad and the wrongs that they remember. I asked 'why do we remember the past wrongs?' Why is it that we focus our personal experiences on those instead of seeing the rights and forgiving those that wronged us? Now I am not saying to bury the past and not see the wrongs of say society or what has led us to where we are today, but in the personal family of 'he did this' and 'she did that' of loved ones, why is the negative so easy to remember?

They were talking of the new man that the daughter had found but were also fearful and 'hoped' that he was a 'good' man. My other aunt had said that she attracted a good man before so her choice was probably good. She also mentioned that she herself had never attracted 'good' men, so she has been alone for 25 years, never really giving anyone a chance for fear of hurt and failure. I asked her why she was so hard on herself.

When I was outside, the one aunt turned to my mother and said 'I wish my kids could communicate like that' and as we left, the uncle that rarely speaks coherently, took my hand and said 'you are doing good' and that melted my heart, for it made me see that I can do good with my words instead of just trying to make people angry enough to take action.

I will leave this by saying that we need to communicate, not just with others but with ourselves honestly. We need to be open, not separated from each other and ourselves. I cannot stop what I see in the world, but I can view it in a more humanistic way. If we want to have a future for the generations to come, forgive yourselves and others so that your children may learn to do the same.

I don't usually quote anyone here but I like this - "Love being nothing other than a release of the boundaries that separate us from another being." - Charles Eisenstein

The Razor Sharp Mind

Facing yourself and admitting your wrongs is the hardest thing one can do in their lifetime. Admitting that all those times that you may have been 'right' were actually your way of cutting your emotional side off and alienating everyone around you from the love that you so needed in order come to grips with the turmoil inside, is the only way to evolve and finally start to love yourself and others wholly.

I am speaking of my own experience here, the loss that it took for me to finally admit that what I was doing was not opening my mind to everything that came at me but instead, in my own way, I was erecting the walls around my heart that had hurt ever since I was a boy and I was hiding behind that and was pushing everyone that got close to climbing over, right back down to the start of the ladder that I had laid there but never let anyone get to the top. I was watching them climb up then fall, until they could take it no more.

I had smoked pot for years, from morning to night in the last stages and I see what it had done to me. I had told myself and others, quite convincingly, that it helped me to deal with what I could see and the society that seems to not care about what it does to each other. Sure my mind was sharp but the blades of harshness were always at the ready to cut apart any emotion that came my way or any sensitivity that would have enabled me to truly grow into the person that I had so wanted to be. The mind was sharp and the pot kept the blades at the ready; ready to put anyone that got in the way of me being 'right', into a pile of diced up emotions on the floor waiting to be swept away by the next wave of logic. The pot had made sure that I myself never fell into the 'trap' of being too emotional causing me to believe that I was 'free' but really locking me into my mind, surrounded by harsh words and soothing them away as a logical conclusion.

Under its spell, I hated everything; crowds, lines, society, babies, mothers, cats, shoes, soy milk (OK that might be a good thing)... everything. I thought that I was capable of 'love' and all the while I could not even show it to myself, let alone the two people that I do deeply love. I would say things that sounded good, made a lot of sense and perhaps were even right but without the emotion to back it up, it was just hollow and really meant nothing; for without the love required to save myself, how could I even hope to positively influence any change in anyone else and share the knowledge that I do hold?

I was cold for so long, I let the pot take over my heart for I was in control of my mind, but what is a mind without a heart but a cold instrument of torture that logically beats its victims into submission. Without being able to see 'light' in the world or anyone else, how could I even expect to be able to receive the love that I wasted for so long and even thought that I could give.

Some advice for those of you that use marijuana to hone your analytical skills; be aware that what it also does is harden the soft side of you so that anyone that wishes to get close, has to work so hard that in the end, they themselves may end up close to destruction and flee before they are sucked into the dark vortex of light-less judgement and blame.

Do yourselves a favor or maybe an experiment, stop for a while and check out the world in a new light; stop and FEEL. See that there is good in everyone, no matter how confused they may seem to you or how illogical their words may sound to you. You may find that people have more to offer than you gave them the chance to when you can finally open yourself up. You may find that people will open up to you if you can finally love yourself enough to see who they are. Logic is a good tool if it is used right, but without an emotional connection to the world and its inhabitants, what is the point? If you don't love yourself or the world, why change it? It will still disappoint you in the end for that is all you end up doing to yourself.

In Defense Of The Ego

It is difficult to be able to see things that others simply refuse to see. To be able to admit to yourself that 'I have been programmed to believe 'something' and then see it in a new light for the very first time. When one can see beyond the world that we live in and towards a future that is sustainable, fair and just, one just wants others to share that vision and the world to move towards such a Utopian dream.

When one shares the truths that one sees with others, the labels, almost immediately (sometimes not out loud), begin to fly about: conspiracy theorist, arrogant, domineering, insensitive, disrespectful, selfish, asshole, bastard, jerk, uncaring, without feeling, uncompromising, crazy, a threat, an attacker, not politically correct (always a favorite) or just plain anti-social. It seems far easier to discredit those that may have some genuine wisdom brought about by experience, self examination and observation of the environment around them than to see the flaws within ourselves.

Be they friends, family, lovers, strangers; most of the reactions are the same. The judgments come out in defense of their egos because a 'truth' which I believe in, may, in some way, implicate them in their own minds. The truths may force them to look within themselves and to challenge what it is that they themselves believe after a lifetime of experience, pain, joy, education and force them to question the very being that they believe is their 'self'.

They search for validation in the form of excuses, beliefs, friends and family that agree with them and block out the 'intruder', as they must be the 'evil' one and the world that they know and have always lived in, must be 'sane'. They look for a scapegoat to demonize in order to corroborate their own views, which must be true, for they have lived this long with them. The 'new' influence or view must be wrong because it is new (and therefore not validated) and seems to go against everything that they have learned or may go against a society which they live in. The feeling that we must believe in the society because we must live in it, takes over and the intruder is nullified.

I can tell you that nothing hurts more than having those that you love and believed loved you, turn against you. To hear all of the accusations and impugning words come from those that once supported and encouraged you is something that could kill an unstable and weak person. Fortunately I am strong and realize that I must be 'true to myself', for being true to me means I can admit my mistakes, I can forgive those that attack me and most importantly I can still believe in the universal love of humanity not the separation of our current state of affairs. If I were to go against these to accommodate those that view me as an adversary, then I would simply have to resign my beliefs in humanity and a world that can be more just for all and of a better future for the generations to come.

Now I never claimed to be an 'expert' or better than everyone else but I will not sell myself short either; I know that I am an intelligent man with an ability to see what is in front of me that most people ignore. My greatest ability in life has been the ability to learn, to observe, to realize and now, to reflect. I know that my writings started out as angry and as an attack of the world and society but I feel that I have grown since then; I no longer hold onto the anger but instead see the love that is possible to make one grow to beyond even their own limits. I can observe and reflect on what has happened in my own life and psyche and see the patterns involved between the 'formation' of a society and the 'realization' of the self. I also know now that this is not something that can be taught but must instead be realized on an individual level.

Why is it that we seem to be threatened by someone that has wisdom? Can a person have wisdom without being 'educated' or holding a degree? Can one not realize the simplicity of psychology and the effects of sociological training through their own observations and experiences rather than through an 'accredited' form of 'education'? What is it that we fear? We seem to be in a world where everyone wants to do things their way, even if their way is lacking. So they fight and they blame, call people control freaks and throw away their love - for they seem to deem themselves not worthy if the idea didn't originate from them. Why are we so afraid to learn from one another? Why do our egos get so bruised?

I have figured out a lot of things on my own in life and I will not be held down by fears, apprehensions or just plain angst; I will not be a puppet of the system and will continue to develop my mind and my heart. Yes I do know about a lot of different things but that does not make me inflexible or arrogant for I am always willing to learn something new as long as it comes from a logical approach. I will not internalize the fears of others nor will I compromise the knowledge or the wisdom that I have acquired for someone who may 'not be ready' and ready to 'fight'. If my words make you uncomfortable, that is not my problem, for I only speak the truth as I understand it. Look within yourselves and find your own truths because I can no longer take the blame for your inadequacies and lack of understanding.

Two of the truths and how I understand them:

The ego is a culmination of a life's experience and conditioning, the little voices in our minds that question, analyse, judge and fear anything that challenges the status-quo and our perceived selves. This is what causes us to separate for this is what gets bruised when something challenges our knowledge or questions our beliefs. This is what drives us crazy.

The true self is the part of us that can break through the ego and realize that we all love, that we all live and that we and all of nature are interconnected. This is what gives me hope, for it can bring us together, through understanding and a humility that says "I need each and every one of you and what you have to offer". This is the part that accepts our failures as learning experiences and our lack of knowledge as a chance to grow. This is what can set us free. This is the 'self' that we need, for without it we are all just frightened children that have never really grown up, continually fighting amongst each other over who's dad can beat up who's.

The Ease Of Hate

Why is it that we are so hard on ourselves? We seem to internalize everything that goes wrong; in our lives, in our friends, in our lovers, in the world - we seem to punish ourselves for everything that causes pain, discomfort and separation. When that is not enough or we can no longer punish ourselves, we lash out at the ones we love and try to intentionally hurt others in order to make ourselves feel better.

What have we learned in our lives? Where did all the hatred come from? Why is it so easy to hate yet so difficult to love?

I hate a certain style of clothes, hairstyle, food, car, music, people on T.V., the list goes on and on. Now what do we love? Hate is such a powerful emotion yet it seems to be wasted on everything, seems to be thrown about with no remorse. I tried to hate and I hated for a long time. Mainly myself but also others and everything to do with society. I don't want to hate anymore.

Is this the only emotion that comes easily these days? Are we that dissatisfied with everything or so easily hurt that hate is the only emotion that seems to surface? We hate it when someone contradicts us, we hate it when they seem to know more than us, we hate it when they don't seem to listen to us, what is the problem here? Have our lives become so about 'me' that we can just hate everything that seems to challenge 'me'? Are we so insecure, that everything that contradicts us is considered a personal attack? Are we so afraid to be caught out as the people that can no longer love without conditions that we instead go on the attack ourselves, all in the name of self preservation and saving face?

What are we doing to each other? Can we not see the love that is possible, if only we let our guards down? Do we no longer believe that love can truly exist? Have we been so conditioned to competition that everyone we meet is essentially capable of stealing part of the life energy that we think we need to survive? Do we really so NEED to be recognized that we would rather fight than learn, we would rather hate than admit we are wrong or that we did not realize something on our own? It seems to be far easier to hate Muslims than it does to view scientific evidence which may implicate something or someone closer to home to the events of 9/11.

We hate that girl on Survivor, we hate that guy on The Amazing Race, we hate that person that wins the lottery, we hate that other sports team, we hate that person that got the promotion over us, we hate the person who knows more than us; is this the only 'natural' emotion that we have left? We change the channel, we delete the exes, we burn memories, we hate hate a race of people, but why? Do we really think that this is the way to make 'us' feel better? Do we really believe that an experience in life, whether bad or good, should be forgotten rather than learned from? Do we really believe that love can just be extinguished forever, simply by hating?

One year after separation or divorce, 50% of children of divorced or separated families never see their fathers again, why is this? Is this because the children end up with the mothers and hear how bad men are? Is this because the fathers no longer love them? Is this because the children no longer love their fathers? Is this fueled by shame, guilt and a myriad of other negative emotions? We are at a time when divorce is a %50 probability, what does this do? Does this not instill fear of trust, communication, honesty and love itself? Why does this happen? Could it be that in our separation from community to the self that we close down and never really open up, for anyone could be a danger or an attacker? How do we learn this?

If we cannot treat ourselves and the people that we meet in life better, how can the following generations ever have a hope of making a better world? How can they ever truly love and come together to restore a natural balance when it is so easy to hate and compete? How can humanity ever come together to assure that life is a right for all Earthly inhabitants and not just something that sometimes gets in the way of profit and the advancement of 'me'?

In The Age Of Separation

"Be independent and strong"

"Don't rely on anyone else"

"Don't get pushed around"

"Money makes the world go round"

"There are winners and there are losers"

"Men are from Mars, women are from Venus"

Funny how we have become a society that desperately searches for a 'connection' to other people but we don't seem to be able to talk and open to anyone and we even pay 'professionals' to talk with instead of the ones we supposedly 'love'. We talk to 'friends' that echo back our fears and supply some of their own but at least they are 'on our side'. We forget that a person's good deeds far outweigh their wrongs and instead focus ourselves on the 'bad' in order to justify to ourselves the inability to love that we ourselves possess. If nothing else, society teaches us that there is 'bad' in everyone and that it could come in any form; so we stay on guard and are always ready to blame.

No wonder people don't know what love is - love is a car, diamonds, house, vacation, job, music, food, family, blind, simple, easy, complicated, pain, perfect, a battlefield, the answer, the best, solves everything, ruins everything, timeless, limited, a gamble, a sure thing, forever, lost, amazing, strange, forgiving, understanding, uncertain, angry, happy, sad, everywhere, unlimited, has boundaries, insane, kind, patient, unpredictable, cruel, crazy, an idea, a feeling, your heart, nature, humanity, worth it ...

So what is it? Is it definable? Is it from the heart or the mind or both? What is it? Is it supposed to be the 'answer' and solve all of our problems? We tend to rely on it to 'save' us, but from what? Why do we chase it, is it because we grew up hearing about it everywhere? Why do we let it destroy us, is it because we never really feel worthy of it? Why do we allow the pain that it can cause to lash out at the ones that we love? We stay 'strong' and harden ourselves in order to be able to do it all over again with someone new and improved and are always comparing to what our ideals tell us is 'right'.

We tell ourselves that we love our children so we protect them from experiencing any kind of 'adverse' emotion or pain but what we really do is keep them from learning to deal with pain and challenges in life. We pack them in day-cares which leashes them together and walks them like dogs; all in the name of exercise. We love our children so much that we appreciate the fears that keep them 'out of trouble' or 'safe'. We worry when we can't keep an eye on them, when they sleep, when they go out, when they cry, when they are angry, when they are afraid, when they fall, when they're not hungry, when they eat too much ... We must be worried that they will be able to take care of themselves and therefore no longer require us.

We seem to try so hard to 'connect', to ourselves, to others, to our families, yet we practice the art of separation. How many times have you held a grudge or forgiven? How many times have you left or talked things through? How many times have you judged or accepted someone? How many times have you focused on pain rather than the joy? How many times have you seen the fear and not the adventure in life?

When we practice to separate, we give into everything that is considered 'normal' in today's society. We feed the economy through dinners, movies, dancing, gifts, flowers ... but what we really do is confuse, even further, the love that is needed to come together and change this world for a better future for the upcoming generations. We teach our children that love is temporary, that flaws are unacceptable and that there is always something better out there so they will forever keep searching, forever be 'independent' and forever be disappointed. What happens to a generation of people that are so well protected that they do not know how to deal with the inevitable pains that they will experience in their lifetime?

Let yourselves and your children fall, eat some mud, get bacteria, develop an immune system. Every experience in life is a learning experience; the good, the bad and the ugly. Let yourselves work for the love that can save the world for if it felt real, it is probably worth fighting for. Humanity can save itself but it starts with each and every one of us; we must learn to be forgiving, we must learn to see through flaws and most importantly, we must learn to see through ourselves and our fears. We must be one if there is to be a 'future'.

In A World Of What-Ifs

What-if I can't find a job and life becomes difficult?

What-if I get into a car accident?

What-if my child is kidnapped?

What-if I don't meet that deadline?

What-if I don't get that raise?

What-if I get into debt?

What-if I fall and am not wearing a helmet?

What-if I run with scissors?

What-if I climb a tree?

What-if I ride a bike without a helmet?

What-if I drive without a seat belt?

What-if my baby sleeps on its stomach?

What-if my baby sleeps on its back?

What-if the children's playground has a merry-go-round?

What-if my love is not returned to my satisfaction?

What-if I lose 'myself' when I give my love to another?

What-if society cannot change because people's genes have changed?

What-if I go on holidays without insurance?

What-if the grass is really greener on the other side?

This, of course is but a small list of the paranoia and distrust that we hold in our own abilities and the 'outcome' of whatever we do in life. There is a multitude of others, feel free to add.

Why is it that we allow the 'what-ifs' to control what we do, what we think, what we feel? What is it about giving that we find so foreign and frightful? What is it about a life of true 'humanity' that scares us so much?

Fear is the greatest control mechanism on Earth. If one is frightened of 'change' or of 'spending money' to save the world, then one will never 'demand' that change happens. One will instead 'accept' that this is their 'role' in life and do the best that they can with that limited 'choice'

What-if everyone could see the truth behind money and the society that we have built around it? What-if people started to share instead of closing themselves off from one another? What-if money no longer mattered?

The what-ifs that we should be asking are the ones that can free our minds, our hearts and humanity, not the ones that 'keep us in line' and forever fearful of the consequences. Life should be a wondrous thing, not a prison.

Free yourselves, think for yourselves; to fail is an important part of evolution and life.

The Next High

Why is it that we do not question? Why is it that we simply accept? Are we still waiting for a hero, for someone or something to come along and magically change everything; to make things better for all? We say that we must all take control of our own destinies, that we are subsequently responsible for ourselves, but where does that leave humanity as a whole? What are we ultimately responsible for? Are we not ultimately responsible for the world and the civilization that we leave for future generations? Are we not to be responsible for the balance of nature and its perpetuation towards a future?

What I have witnessed in my short but insightful life is that we seem to 'binge' on life, especially those in 'western' society. We love our gadgets, our toys, the abundance of food, water, entertainment, relationships (be it lovers, friends or family), we are constantly on the lookout for our next fix of the new, latest and trendy items to purchase, eat or explore; our next 'high' so to speak.

Some of the things that I personally remember:

Cars - I have always purchased older vehicles and worked on them myself. Throughout the years we have supposedly had a lot of advancements in motor vehicles but have we really? The first thing that comes to mind is rust, why is it that with all of the materials and 'technological' advances in materials over the last 100 years that we still drive cars that rust and fall apart? In 1981 (that is 28 years ago - think about that), there were cars that did not rust; remember the DeLorean? What is the root cause of the continuation of cars that rust? Remember the Pontiac Firefly? Here was a car that had a 3 cylinder engine and was getting 50+MPG about 25 years ago, and now we are all impressed with numbers such as 35-45MPG, did we really advance?

The fact is that we have, and have had, the technology to make better cars for a long time, to have them last longer (when is the last time that you could buy a car that was over 20 years old and not have it falling apart?), work better and be more fuel efficient (or even be electric - the EV), we just choose not to; or rather, we accept that "this is just the way it is". That 'newer is better' and we just keep on consuming and 'upgrading' to the latest and greatest models. Did you also know that GM had an engine in the 60s that made GM lose money? Not because it was not a good engine, but rather because it did not break down enough and profits were lost on parts and repairs; this engine was removed from markets and replaced with ones that were 'different' (more cubic inches or another 'impressive' fact) and which broke down at least at 'regular' intervals. Motive - Profit, not efficiency, not technical advancement, and definitely not the environment or the well managed use of resources.

Household Appliances - I used to work in the business of repairing household appliances such as ovens, laundry machines and refrigerators. I remember that I had worked on machines that were over 30 years old and still worked fine, just needing minor repairs. Now think about the ones in your house today; how old are they, are you ready to 'replace' them and what are the reasons. I saw the differences in materials used to manufacture these machines, the 'electronics' that seemed to 'hypnotize' people into purchasing the ones with the blinking lights and count down timers. People would start concerning themselves with the 'color scheme' of their appliances and the 'latest' colors were only available if one would replace their current ones. I remember one refrigerator well, it was manufactured by Whirlpool, with the System 2000 electronic control. This was a terrible machine which had a computerized board which burned out constantly. Now this was a board which replaced a control part which previously could be repaired for about 30 to 60 dollars, usually labor included. If you had one of the newer ones, the board itself was upwards of $180; all totalled the repair bill would run to about 1/3 of the cost of replacing the appliance so why repair? So it came down to - do we want to repair it and risk something else breaking? Or did we want to simply replace and have the 'peace of mind' of a 'warranty'? We have become a disposable society.

Televisions and Cell Phones - Both of these are changing and becoming obsolete constantly. TVs are now to be digital in the U.S. because the 'system' is changing 'to better serve you'. Forcing people that require a television to upgrade to the latest technology. Cell phones are the same; a good working cell phone from the past will not work on the new 'systems' for the same reasons. Let us not forget that, as digital, it is far easier to track and gather information about the users of these devices than the previous analog technologies. I won't even go into my years in the computer industry.

Now, am I the only one that has also noticed these things and simply cannot 'accept'? Have we not seen the other reciprocal effects of all this? Has no one noticed that there are fewer mechanics, that there are fewer appliance repair persons, that there are fewer television repair shops? This means that people have lost their jobs, their livelihoods and have had to adapt to something else even if this is the only thing they have ever known and even enjoyed. This has also led to bankruptcies, lower living wages and hardship for families across our 'civilized world'. This is the technological obsolescence of human labour and in our monetary system, the obsolescence of their very 'lives'.

Sometimes it is our society itself; through laws, that forces these issues of 'upgrading', of keeping up to date and of continuing the consumer cycle. These 'laws', often disguised as 'safety', are just blindly accepted and become part of us. They shape our thoughts, our behaviours and our purchasing habits using the life credits we call money. We upgrade out of vanity, competition, jealousy, self indulgence, self importance but do we ever really upgrade for ourselves?

Don't get trapped in a cyclical life, say NO MORE. Don't accept what is offered but rather demand something better. Become the deadbeat that purchases with cash or uses a credit card and then pays it off. Become the person that grows their own food or at least a portion of it. Become the person that embraces nature rather than destroys it. Become the person that is satisfied with what they have and better that, rather than trying to one-up through the upgrade cycle. Don't be a follower and don't be a leader; instead be a sharer and let us open ourselves up to each other, share information and go back to the trust in one another that society once had. Don't be afraid of 'not having', don't be afraid of 'falling behind' don't be afraid of this adventure that we call life and humanity; embrace yourselves and your fellow Earthly inhabitants, it is not 'easier' to be an 'island of one' than it is to open ones self to the wonders of life and others.

A public apology to Irena, the love of my life

I do see how I am to blame and how I was the attacker or threat. I am the one that scared you into throwing me out. I seemed to challenge all of your sensibilities and the very heart of your survival. I seemed to view you as a scared little girl without really acknowledging your strengths and accomplishments. You are a brave person to come to Canada and to get to where you are now and I could not even see that. I know that you did not like your job and thought that I could 'help' to show you that you did not have to stay there, to help you release the fear that binds you there and to believe in me and us , but what I forgot was how important it is to have the security of a good job, especially with a little girl to take care of. I was never like anyone else in that respect and I now realize that I expected you to be the same. I didn't take into consideration your need to protect yourself and Malina. That the job, although not pleasant affords you the safety and protection from the very injustices that we have seen all too much of over the past year. That it gives you the means to survive and to provide for your daughter and thus offers protection.

I pushed you too hard and see that "what are you afraid of" was really just me projecting my own fears of living in Montreal, of not being able to provide for you in times of need and of feeling trapped in a place that I did not want to be. As for your fear that is an easy one; as a mother you are afraid for the protection of your child. I am sorry that I had such a hard time just being and enjoying all that the two of you had to offer. I hurt you and myself, I was selfish and felt that I needed to prove to you that I could help provide for us but used the city and your good job as an excuse as I felt restricted and constricted by Montreal and held onto that and let it destroy the first real relationship and the opening of my heart.

I see the boundaries that I stepped on and realize that they are not about love but rather about preservation and protection of your daughter. I know that you did not think that I was too hard with Malina but rather I seemed to threaten hers and your very safety with my seeming wreck less abandon for life. Yes things could have been done different; I could have accepted my position from the start I could have accepted our relationship from the start, I could have gotten a job from the start. Instead I fought you to the point of no return, I was the one that frightened you, I see that I was the one that made you shut down, pull away and be afraid of me.

The reading, the documentaries and the world views did not help but rather helped to fuel the feelings of fear, instability and uncertainty. They also helped to kill our relationship as I could only identify with those issues but could not see the internal issues at hand - the important ones. I talk of blame and I see that I have hurled a huge ball of it at you, I guess that I could not accept that I could be the one at fault and for that I am very sorry. I don't think of you as a coward, I see now that it was I that was too afraid to realize that I needed to find my own fears.

Perhaps if I had not been so cold and distant we could have helped each other and even been able to make a sane plan for a better life. I am truly and deeply sorry, you were the best thing to ever happen to me. I beg your forgiveness even though I know that I do not deserve it.

What Happened To Us?

It is no wonder that there is so little love in the world today and we are where we are. Within all the levels of divisions which one experiences in a lifetime, what tends to have been lost is the trust in others, the belief in ourselves and with that the love that people and humanity so desperately need.

Love is the most powerful and possibly the most natural of all human emotions. We like to believe that we believe in love, yet we live in fear of it. We fear that giving means someone else is taking, that we or they won't live up to expectations, that we will be left. Trust in the 'system', 'friends' and 'society' seems to come easier than in ourselves or the ones which we supposedly 'love' so we put up our defenses and shoot down anyone or anything that gets close to seeing through them and essentially into us.

Singly and with the 'support' of those which we 'allow' some influence in our lives, we resist 'change'. Saying things like "I have to be true to myself" or hearing things like "don't change for anyone"; what we really resist is our own evolution, our own ability to 'come together'. The 'change' and the 'sharing' which naturally occurs in a 'relationship' can grow and makes us uneasy, for we are taught to trust no one as they may be 'bad' and take something from us. So we run in search of what love 'should be' without ever giving a chance for love 'to be'.

We seem to search for something or someone that will 'give' as much or more than we are able to without really looking at ourselves and our own limits on 'giving' and 'receiving'; for even when we 'get' we still feel ashamed for not 'giving' as much and when we give we feel anger when we don't seem to receive to our satisfaction. We don't want to feel 'ripped off' so we become afraid to talk in fear of opening ourselves up to disappointment and laying ourselves bare and vulnerable and love never really gets the chance to flourish and grow; never gets the chance to change us into the more humanistic people which this world needs in order to change itself. Apart, we can all be afraid, together we can all gather strength to move forward and overcome challenges of life, human interaction and the world.

We 'fake' our way through life and human relationships, picking out and 'evaluating' our circumstances and concentrating on the 'uncomfortable' moments in our lives until we can bear them no longer; we then simply discard and move on, relishing the 'new' and yet to be 'broken'. Be it lovers, friends, work, homes, family or society we run away from it all but what we can not run away from is ourselves. We practice 'corporate' breakups using the same cold methods of analysis (have I gotten as much or more than I have given?) without talking and forever heaving blame (to others and ourselves), we rationalize leaving and move on to the next model in hopes that this will be the 'one' until even the new wears on our nerves and seems 'broken' to us. Never really feeling but rather being enamored with the concept of couple-hood and love.

I spent my entire life with the 'negative' aspects of love, never really giving in fear of 'the end' or of my own 'worthiness'. I tried to be a 'rock' because men don't cry but we don't have to become hard and strong for each other, for as a 'strong' self' we can never be as powerful as a loving community and if we continue to search for a 'perfect' state of being, we will always be disappointed.

There is no longer unconditional love, for nothing lasts forever in our 'upgrade' lives. We deem things as too much work, that there has to be something or someone easier, so we 'move on'; never really allowing ourselves to be the 'good' people that we so need to be. We search for perfection without ever believing in utopia and accepting what society has to offer. I don't want a 'perfect' love or a perfect world because I will never feel worthy from the start. Love is something that is work, something that grows and does change people, once we realize that and accept it, then maybe we can be humble enough to truly experience what love and life has to offer; then we may be able to move into a more human existence.

I ask of everyone to ask themselves - What happened to 'us'?

My Realization

Seeing the negative aspects in life and the society that we have built can lead one to see the negative in everything.

Without some 'joy' of life, how can we ever come together as a species?

I could see all of the joys disappearing and being taken away from us. I focused on it, I tried to make others see in hopes that they could be angry enough to do something. I found that they can instead concentrate so much on the negative that they find themselves seeing everything as bad and desperately reaching for the 'joy' that is portrayed or that which they had in their life.

It took me a long time and some unbelievable pain (my own and that which I inflicted) to realize that it was not the world that I hated, but myself. I drowned myself in the pain that I had been harboring all of my life and fueled it with the problems which I saw in the world. I did not realize until it was too late that my fire had burned everyone that I had ever known and cared about.

It is so easy to concentrate on the negative; we are, after all, a society built upon blame, responsibility and punishment. We see people as invading our space, trying to change us, not pulling their weight, potential thieves or terrorists and we close off our loving, caring and understanding.

We walk down the street and judge people by their looks and what they wear, we listen to conversations and judge people for what they say (and I was a huge player in this one), we judge them by their jobs, education, children, past mistakes and just about everything else that we can. Well I found that this also divides and makes us grow further apart.

I never gave life a real chance, I never gave people a real chance; I was always too afraid of becoming 'one of them' that I ignored the beauty in everyone and lashed out in hopes of not caring.

I digress, I don't know what to do or think anymore, I know though, that I cannot hurt anymore; not myself and not others. This blog has been so angry for so long, I have been so angry for so long. I still believe that everyone needs help but I will try to do it with a little more tenderness. I see now that my judgments hurt and that I have been judging for so long.

I would like to send a sincere apology to those that I have hurt in my life and to those that I have not, I wish you well but please try to see within yourselves the power of humanistic change.

"Experts Say" - The Rest Of You Are Morons

I am so tired of supposed 'intelligent' people telling me that 'experts say' this and 'experts say' that or that a 'study' says or suggests something. Usually these experts and studies are referring to things which could be considered 'common sense' or which demands a change in one's perception, judgments, beliefs and behavior.

I did a Google News search for the exact phrase "experts say" and came back with 20,198 hits. The same search with "scientists say" comes back with 3691. Why is it that scientists and their opinions don't get the exposure that 'experts' do? This search is only in the 'News' section of Google. If you search within years, you can notice that the results have grown significantly over the decades. Here are some of the good ones I saw:

"Experts say anyone can be target of clever con artists" - thanks for that bit of 'clarity' - now what does this really say? It tells us be 'be on our guard' and to 'look out for ourselves' because 'danger' lurks around every corner and anyone can be a 'victim'. This is playing on the fears associated with property and security. Now with it being an 'expert' that conveys this message, it must be true and one must be afraid.

"Cold snap may do some agricultural harm, experts say" - crops may be affected by freezing? go figure. - An asinine way of create a 'faith' in what 'experts' say. They have to announce some 'obviousness' in order to appear legitimate as a whole.

"Experts say Africa has minimal influence over own development, destiny" - Africa is be plundered and shaped by other nations? No wait, it's 'destiny'; how 'mystic'. If something can be accepted as 'mystic' then little explanation or investigation is needed. One wouldn't want to go against 'destiny' or public consensus now would one?

"Reducing dependence on foreign oil will not happen overnight, experts say" - Getting us to believe that there is a normal, lengthy transition that will take place. Blindly accepting any 'restrictions' such as financial, conceding that it trumps sanity, humanity and morality.

"Standards needed for ski helmets, experts say" - with the picture of the dead celeb skier, nice touch, though there is no 'proof' that she died from the supposed fall.

Take the helmet, you have something that people will associate with death and safety for the children. There will be debates and studies and then there will be 'laws' to protect 'everyone'. Some will think "huh, not affecting me" and go on in oblivion until one day 'experts say helmets should be worn...' where ever they may be. When it finally affects them, it is too late because precedence has been set.

Keep us dumb but make us feel protected while projecting a sense of intelligence and of being 'informed'; this also creates the ego reactions which we all so frequently experience. The hurtfulness and sense of 'personal' attack which we feel is actually a 'reaction' brought about by the ego. We all want to be 'intelligent' and we parrot the things that we hear in order to portray that, all the while not really thinking, but rather, 'accepting' whatever the 'experts' tell us. The 'contradictions', such as 'Utopian dreams' and visions of real change, force us to look at the way that 'we' live and see the deficiencies therefore they seem to 'attack' the very way that 'we' live and our very 'intelligence'. There are so many 'expert' opinions that the subjects are all left with no real conclusions and science no longer matters, just opinions; we all have them but are they really 'ours'?

When did we reach that time when we needed 'experts' to tell us how to think? Do we really need help being told what to be afraid of and how to formulate our own opinions? How does the parroting of other's opinions, make them 'our' opinions? When did we stop thinking? We are told what to eat, drink, consume, where to live, what to say, how to react, what to believe and how to raise our children. There are laws, by-laws, mandates, orders, certificates, licenses ..., which 'punish' us in one form or another if we don't behave a certain way. We cheer them on and demand more laws and certificates in the name of 'security' and more 'punishment' for those that stray.

Does anyone know if vitamins, milk, eggs, sun block, baby formula, peanuts are good for us or not? Don't drink soy milk, drink soy milk, don't take vitamins, take vitamins, a barrage of noise in the end confusing the choices just enough to opt for the easy way out: whatever is easiest on the pocketbook. We all want to eat healthy but since the 'experts' have made the term 'biological' trendy, we pay through the nose for it.

Here are a few more gems that I also liked:

"Some Experts Say Rescue Program Might Not Work" - If they are truly experts, why are they so ambiguous? Because this way, either way, the 'experts' are correct, some 'experts' may be better than others.

"Emerging technologies need regulatory reform, experts say" - This is also about invoking a sense of unease about 'emerging' technologies and inspiring a form of 'control' over them. We wouldn't want any too 'radical' ideas springing forth.

"Times not so bad, experts say" - A nice definitive statement for you to believe. uh huh , duh, must be right, duh, good thing all these 'experts' are here to , duh get me through life, uh huh :) Too bad about my job, it'll pick up, we'll get through this.

"Experts say financial situation is not out of control" - If you believe, it will happen, we will bounce back to 'normal'. We seem to revel in the 'hope' and the 'faith' that these experts portray.

Hooked on experts, people don't have to think, don't have to question, don't have to feel uncomfortable about their limited knowledge because there are 'teams' of people doing their thinking for them and making sure that their experiences are 'safe' and 'controlled'. This is the same mentality of children - "If I leave it long enough, someone else will do it." It amazes me how we ever got to this point in humanity without all of these 'protections; we should have all been wiped out centuries ago.

Instead of holding onto our collective ignorance we should be embracing questions and different ideas. Look into something, don't just blindly accept it on the word of 'experts' and 'studies'. Think about your own life and experiences before passing 'judgments' and 'labels'. Collect as much information as possible; dive into the possibilities of life, human experience and co-existence with an open mind and a clear view of what is happening. Only through understanding using scientific analysis and self reflection can the 'truth' ever be found.

A Society Of B.S. (Bad Science)

Over 5 billion people live on less than $10 a day on this planet but I am not one of them; so let us say that the rest are the rich and middle classes (assumed 'middle class' also). These numbers tell us that less than 20% of the world population controls the financial, political, military, information, manufacturing, food, distribution, 'management' and consumption of the world's resources; some would argue that 1% rules the rest but I shall implicate all of 'the middle class' into this piece as they do not seem to be able to see beyond their 'generation'.

Since 1970, real wages have remained stagnant or gone down. Two earner households have been created along with daycare and a 'tying in' of every family member to the 'economics' of the family. This has contributed to raising the overall stress levels of the family which, in turn, creates 'blockages' in communication for its members resulting in less than ideal learning conditions at a young age. There is no longer unconditional love, there is instead pulling your weight, getting a job and paying that rent. The cost of a 'home' was 50% of a single earner income, now it is 75% of a dual earner income. 'Time' is less spent with family and values are set by society as everyone goes to 'work'.

Class has been ingrained, the disparities widened and all the while we seem so worried about the 'appearance' of things that the 'facts' wash away in the haze. As we think of 'me' and 'mine', our social 'safety nets' get cut, waters get commoditized and a mindset of 'if you ain't working, you ain't worth nothing', seems to have overtaken society. "No one rides for free" and we will 'pull ourselves out' are echoed in unison with the belief that "if everyone thinks it, it must be right".

Livelihoods based on jobs, make us dependent on the 'system' and seemingly 'competitive' in nature. With virtually all aspects of life now having a price tag attached to it, those that seem to 'get', while seemingly working less than 'me', are essentially 'stealing' my opportunities (think unions). Jobs are tied to 'free market' ideals and the competition ensues; "if I can do it for less, I will have a job"; "any job is better than no job".

Defending the ideals of a monetary system with words like 'laziness', 'jealousy' and 'incentive', the laboured masses forever justifies the failed system, which holds them into servitude, and refuses to see 'change' as anything worthwhile but instead as something sinister to be feared.

'Success' has been tied to the 'investment' of 'education' and the 'ego' has been associated with society and its outward judgements. We are told to "find what you love and figure a way to make money from it" and we accept this and go forth, turning our 'enjoyment' into competition forever believing that the only thing of importance is to 'take care of me and mine' in the form of 'success'. This is compounded at the family level and competition divides siblings as each vie for that 'success' marker that will make their parents 'proud'.

The public has been convinced that being an entrepreneur is part of the dream; that it puts 'me' in control of 'my' life, that it takes away the 'fears' that occur in an employer/employee relationship. Defending the 'dream' as a 'comfort zone'; 'I like having a home' or 'I like fitting in'. Not wanting to 'rock the boat', they will find any excuse to keep from seeing deficiencies in their lives. They don't want to be free, they just want to be free of discomfort and conflict.

Demanding solutions instead of problems and fighting thought and clarity as cynical and angry, all the while defending with 'comparisons' as a means of 'justification'. Pride has replaced common sense by defending it with irrelevant excuses and fears that we echo as we try to focus on the 'good' of our current system and wanting to direct energies towards 'fixing' the shortcomings instead of rebuilding; rebuilding may affect 'me'.

On TV, violence and crime on Cops and CSI type shows allow us to believe that there is 'always someone to blame'. They enable us to identify the 'scum' of the Earth; the criminals such as file sharers. We prefer to 'lock em up and throw away the key' or 'fine them' because they might 'steal my stuff', rather than looking for the root causes of crime. That, 'competition' driven through the environment and having to 'survive' may actually play a part in the creation of crime, is dismissed; 'bad apples' and 'punishment' are the only ways to deal with it. Getting used to the presence of 'officers' and to being 'questioned' while slowly imprisoning ourselves. Seeing the 'seedy' side of life and being able to 'identify' its non-conformity; spurring the suspicion towards all non-conformists ('anyone could be a criminal', 'beware the loner', 'he was such a quiet man'; watch your own kids for signs).

We are told that 'crime' is opportunist but yet we live an opportunistic life ourselves. We jump at a 'good deal' or an 'investment' opportunity without thinking of who had to 'lose' in order to allow us this 'deal'; another's misfortune may just be our gain. We have learned to 'accept' and 'adapt' to this system while perpetuating it through to the next generation. The kids grow up with concepts like 'you owe me' or 'criminals are bad people', echoing the lies of society and making themselves a part of it. They are led to believe that one must not stray too far from the herd and that 'hope' and 'love' will make everything better.

The media constantly plays on our 'hopes' of ownership and our dreams of an 'easy life' and 'success'. It could happen to me through instant fame and glory by being an 'idol', being 'discovered', 'working hard' or 'inventing' something, and if that doesn't work, there is always the lottery. The people try to 'earn' extra money by engaging in 'legal' activities such as gambling or speculation, all the while putting themselves further into the 'negative' for the system of 'hope' is designed to 'lure' for profit. The shame in 'loss' is so strong that it aids in further straining family relationships and communication.

9/11, a day of infamy and yet to be properly investigated, is accepted as resolved on the basis of 'bad science'. The hope that 'my government' or other 'Americans' couldn't be party to it, fuels the lies until they are accepted as truths. Mainstream media attacks the integrity, credibility and character of anyone that questions it with words such as 'extremist' or 'radical'; the same words used to describe 'terrorists'. Forgetting logic and scientific examination, the public simply 'accepts' the findings of the 'official' report and considers the case closed. Having only neuroses, fears, and emotions, we crave a haven of 'safety' and take personally the questions which may implicate our elected officials or other 'Americans'. The mind itself has gotten lazy; frustration and a sense of being over-whelmed occur when something is not 'easy' or 'straight forward'; the very sense of 'learning' becomes an attack on the ego.

There used to be a time when wisdom and knowledge were passed along and shared for the betterment of the community but it is all money now. We are all 'competitors' and the knowledge we hold may be tied to our livelihoods or to our families. We horde information, hoping to get an 'advantage' over others or to 'sell' the ideas for our own gain. We save, budget, spend and invest, believing that we are building a 'future' for ourselves and our families. We acquire as much as we can and desire forever more; we see that money brings with it a sense of entitlement and we too wish to feel 'entitled'.

Do not be afraid to learn of truths, to see deceptions and to feel despair even if logic seems to hurt your feelings. Admitting that the world is shit and that radical change is required is the first step towards real change. Being able to face the 'growing' pains of something new and not reverting back to the safety of the flawed, yet known is the challenge. Overcoming the importance of 'me' is monumental in this evolution for only humanity as a whole, can ever 'hope' to bring true justice for all and a life in balance with nature.

The Pains of Awakening

I have found that, in seeing the world in all of its misery, one can tend to lose track of 'the bright side'. As one awakens to this 'life' that we are all engaged in, we are reminded constantly of the negative aspects of our existence.

The news flashes, entertainment, advertising, education, employment and peers all 'nudge' us into thinking and reacting in a certain way. When one begins to see the mechanisms and the affects in their own judgments and beliefs, one tends to close down and focus on the mechanisms and the flashes of enlightenment rather than the goal.

One sees the wars, famines, specism, disease, competition and inequality in different ways. We see the possible scenarios, causes and effects of these flashes along with their 'actors' and benefactors. All that comes into our vision seems to be negative and wears on us.

As I am breaking through the programming that 'society' has instilled, I broke apart myself. I found myself drifting away from the only 'society' I had known but I still wanted to fit in; a wife, a good job, a house, friends, I still wanted the 'dream'. Slowly these dreams seemed to fade away until I was not sure of who or what was left.

A belief that I may have had, a mannerism, in which I used to find humor, a thought in which I used to have solace, a place which I used to hold dear all had skewed views. No matter what these were, they all seemed to be a part of me. I held on to them so tight until I realized that I was no longer moving forward. I was holding onto the 'measure' of my ego.

Could it be that these beliefs, which I thought defined me, were actually just mere distractions, created to soothe me into 'accepting my place in the world'? Could it be that all these ideals that I have learned throughout my life are to make me resistant to real 'change' and thought through denial and fear? Could it be that how others judge me, really doesn't matter? These were all difficult questions for someone who thrived on attention. There were moments when the madness nearly consumed me but it helped me to break through and see my ego for what it was.

When I say "break the ego", I don't mean that I rid myself of me. We have all heard that 'we should not change for anybody', 'we should be true to ourselves' or that 'a leopard does not change his spots'; what do these mean?

Take the first one 'change for another'- does a person not change the second that they open to another, let alone love another? Isn't change the natural evolution of life? 'True to ourselves' - do we not become untrue to ourselves the second that we give ourselves blindly to the collective? And the 'leopard changing its spots' - are we to go through life branding people by their mistakes as not being capable of learning or progressing past them? The irony of this is that President Obama won on 'change'.

The society that I see about me would like to believe in a 'complaint free world'. I have heard things such as "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" or "why do you always focus on the negative". I still see the beauty but no longer ignore the injustices. I have found that by identifying the wrongs I chip away at my armor of lies which I have come to believe as the essence of 'me'. I view it as finding rather than losing myself.

We must all see the beauty in love, family, community, discovery or a fresh snowfall without judgments in order to truly accept who we are. We must see the bad with the good in order to determine what our limits are and move forward; this is not an easy task.

I have seen those that have progressed but only to certain points. There is a point which I have been to and continue to battle with, where I think "Is it worth it?" and "Why does it have to be so hard?; I still have no answers. I did let it consume me and drag me back to 'reality' but it was short lived. 'Reality' for me has changed. I still face the fears everyday, different ones, old ones, new ones; they help me to realize that fear is what controlled me.

We must overcome the competition and jealousy that keeps us at bay from one another and come together as an awakened mass that sees the future not only as bright but also as fair. Right now there is love throughout the world and as we work together to achieve a higher awareness, that love shall flourish and grow. When we allow the love embrace ourselves, without judgment, then, the world will be ready for change.

Who Am I?

Where do my thoughts come from?
Are they mine or another’s?
Are they sole or collective?
I cannot pin-point where they come from but I question everyday.

Where do my fears come from?
Are they genuine or perceived?
Are they life or apathy?
What frightens me more is that they may not be real.

Where do my beliefs come from?
Are they inherent or genetic?
Are they learned or experienced?
Without beliefs I may lose my way.

Where do my morals come from?
Are they scolded and rewarded?
Are they humanistic or religious?
If I open open up, what will happen?

Where do my feelings come from?
Are they from the heart?
Are they pain and joy?
What am I feeling as I write this poem?

Is this what defines me?
Do I take that chance?
Am I a sum total?
Or am I yet to be defined?

Job Seeking

After reading about the job losses globally, I began to think of the job seekers and their plight. I have always said that looking for a job is the worst part of 'life'. We are dictated by the 'free market' and narrowed choices (therefore not really a choice) of 'jobs', (livelihoods) to become a slave in order to 'live'. We are taught at an early age the importance of jobs and money. Twelve year olds in Montreal get babysitter certificates and little business cards in order to instill 'business' into their pliable minds.

If you have lived in the last 40 years or so, then you may have noticed how 'education / training' (and I use this because of a Canadian government ad that stated it this way) has changed over the decades. Education used to mean the ability to adapt, to change to learn and to move forward; in a way, to evolve. Now it is the almighty dollar which dictates the professions, therefore the lives of the society through memorize and regurgitate' certifications. Masses 'become' whatever the society needs of them and whatever is profitable. One can specialize in anything these days with certification courses coming out of every orifice of the capitalistic classification system. In Ontario, one needs a certificate to operate a man-lift but not to operate an excavator; does this make sense?

“You're not qualified”, “you're over qualified”, “where were you for this time?”, “where do you see yourself in 5 years?”, “what did you do for work during this time?”, “what are your certifications?”; they want to know everything about you. The questions are designed to 'characterize' you within a few minutes; are you honest, will you leave or stay, will you steal from the company, will you flip out and go on a killing spree. They already think the worst of you, now you have to prove them wrong. What a way to live. And we smile through it with combed hair, clean shaved and freshly showered faces politely responding, all the while nodding and smiling and spouting whatever the interviewer may want to hear. We accept that this is the way it is and go on from one job interview to the other.

The public seem to become pilots, nurses, doctors, police persons, builders, engineers and so on, seemingly at whim. “There are shortages” for these professions I have heard and all seemed to have rushed to colleges and technical schools in order to fill these positions. The people then await, with baited breath, on what the next shortage would be in order to 'move up' in life for we wanted to 'do better' than our parents. We all wanted to 'specialize' and make the big bucks. We seemed to 'focus' on the prize and adapted by sending ourselves and our children through school (not to learn; to be trained). Teachers are taught to train their students to pass tests or are hired on a 'performance' basis. This 'trained' generation goes to work and Office 2007 comes out, leaving them staring blankly at a new interface and need re-training; they have forgotten how to explore and learn.

That 'trained' mentality did not stop with our 'specialized' education; it trickled into our very beings. We seemed to live and drink work, training and 'the law', all the while reveling in the material goods, popularity and comfort that it seemed to bring with it. We were intoxicated. We created competitions with our neighbors, our families and our friends and reverted our lives to 'specializing' around us and a select few others. We closed ourselves off from new 'real' experiences.

While this was going on, the experience and ability to 'survive' has also been lost. Were something to happen in this day and age, there would be widespread panic and chaos. Cities are the deathtraps with dependence on the basics such as food and water. Think about the city that you live in right now and how many people live there. Now picture those millions of people in an emergency situation (what ever the cause) without access to food and water. Where do they go, what do they do? Is that 72 hour survival pack going to carry you through? Is that certification going to help you?

We have been collectively taught to survive by being retrained, by learning a trade, by making our hobbies pay off; by adapting to the environment that is manufactured. We have been indoctrinated to believe that any job is better than no job; we have learned to compete, beg and grovel. All this is for the almighty dollar, something that has no value and comes with debt attached to it.

Those that do find jobs are constantly stressed by fears of losing the job, of not performing up to standards, of being replaced by younger hires or technology, of being out-sourced or that the company will go under. They give us yearly 'evaluations' which wave expectations and meager increases in front of us, raising the levels of fear by intimidation. They kill off the unions and instead hire through 'placement' agencies to which I refer to as the 'Professional Pimps'; feeding off of the desperation of others. The fears permeate through our entire lives and act as a 'policing' element for the society. The feeling of 'always being watched' turns into reality and we blindly accept them in our daily lives as 'security' devices.

In the end all these 'job seekers' will be filling out so many forms and providing so much data in the upcoming years that it will allow the system to better 'classify' them and determine strategies. As the unemployment benefits run out, the unions die and the system collapses even more, at least the databases will be able to identify the victims of capitalism.

What are WE afraid of?

The more I try to understand the society that I live in, the more it amazes me that so many alleged learned people get angry and defensive when questioning the 'Rule of Law' or society as a whole. I see that the people have been transformed into self-serving, xenophobic, narcissistic, predatory 'owners'. Each one worshiping the Gods of money and ownership and competing for their 'piece of the pie'.

I see people struggling to make ends meet, to upgrade, to modernize, to get with it, to pay their mortgage and to put their kids through college; feeling squeezed and trapped and trying to protect what little life they believe to be in control of. They try to avoid discomfort for it may shine a light on the negative aspects of life.

These are the same people that when asked about a transit strike say: "At least they have a good paying job with benefits". "The Unions just steal from the employees". "The workers are greedy". "How can they have a strike that affects me (usually they say "so many people"), "They should be forced back to work" by the government.

Do they see the Unions as ruining their aspirations of 'success' somehow if their company grows? They state that "a high school drop out should not have the same salary as a university graduate". That the Unions hire uneducated people to do repetitive labour for a good wage.

Are they jealous? Are they afraid that Unions and their well paid workers will sub sequentially be taking something away from their lives? That their 'portion' of 'trickle down' economics will be siphoned by the Unions? That the financial system which is controlled by 1% of the population is going to come crashing down because of Unions? In case no one is noticing, there is a 'trickle up' happening around us.

"I am free", "I control my destiny", "I am responsible" I've heard them proclaim. "I can speak my mind" (just so long as it is acceptable such as not to 'insight hate' and such) "I can travel" (so long as you have the monetary means and are not on a 'list'). "I have a job" (so long as you kiss-ass and play the game; in the end it has you). Are you? Are you really free? What is freedom? Is life not free? Is not nature free? What are you worth per hour? Is that your freedom?

The people that I am talking about usually consider themselves middle class and 'liberal', rich and 'conservative', poor, working class; it doesn't matter. They love babies, children, animals, small quiet neighborhoods and drive SUVs because they are 'safer'. They love TV shows like 'CSI', 'House', Survivor and Idol and get most of their information through CNN, BBC and Google News (because it scans 4500 news resources). They are usually educated and work for a corporation or are self employed but cannot see that life and indeed humanity, stretch far beyond their little corner of the world. They are in debt and work hard to 'get ahead'. they also think that those that are unemployed or homeless are just 'not trying hard enough'.

They emphasize that laws that 'protect' us from terrorists are good. That laws which reduce the amount of 'welfare fraud' are good. That laws which reduces bankruptcies are good. That laws which 'protect children' are good. That laws which 'protect' animals are good. That laws that 'protect their property' are good. That laws that enable surveillance are good. That laws that suppress dissent are good. That laws that censor content are good. They do believe that 'someone ruined it for everyone else'.

They blindly 'nod-and-smile' and keep accepting, all the while, trying not to 'rock the boat' and to 'roll with the punches'. They 'pull themselves up and dust themselves off' and continue on nodding and smiling and teaching their next generation to do the same. They feel safe in thinking that someone else is taking care of things. That the system has 'got their back'.

They have been told and believe that 'we are spreading democracy'. That 'we give aid'. That 'the IMF and World Bank are there to help development'. That 'poverty happens over there'. That 'the system works'. That 'there is no other way'. That 'socialism and communism are bad'. That 'if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to worry about'. That 'you too can succeed if you just work harder'. That 'education is the most important thing'. That 'laws can only be reinforced by punishment'.

Now why is it that most of these people cannot have an informed, rational conversation about: religion, politics or money? How the three may intertwine in everything that we experience is something that everyone should be open to, as it affects everyone. Instead what happens is that most people will go to a certain point and then 'react'. The conversation has turned personal because of something that they may feel that relates to them in some way. They get defensive and spout lines like "I like feeling safe" or "what if it was your kids?"; the best is always, "in your Utopian World...".

How did it get personal? What, about a talk on global issues that may include the dreaded three, makes one close their mind? Is it fear of labels? Are we afraid of being judged? What if we are, will it be in the 'right' category? Did it invoke some deep seeded guilt which is complicit with 'our system'? These are all questions we should ask ourselves?

How can any talk of 'we', as a collective human race ever be accomplished, if 'we' are too busy defending, rationalizing, evading, labeling and blaming. Is our imagination so clouded that we cannot picture a perfect world without labeling it as an 'ism' or blaming it for it's possible failures? We demand irrefutable 'proof' that a an 'idea' is flawless before even listening to it without judging it's weaknesses? Would the world not become better if the collective we could utilize the brain power that we possess? Does this failing system, that has wreaked havoc and drained the life force of so many for so long, not need to adapt and to 'change'? What are we afraid of? How can we no longer imagine?

Some would say that we are led by some of a faulty 'moral compass', I view it more as 'sociological engineering'. Where the idea of freedom has been implanted using keywords such as 'crime', 'punishment', 'accountable' and justice to make the rest 'tow-the-line'; while using others like 'success', 'intelligence', 'happiness' and 'love' to convey the standard to avoid the first. Mix it all together with basic survival instinct and competition, et voila; 'it's every man for himself'.

We need to start asking ourselves W.W.W.W.H. (who what where why how)? Why do I react like this? Where did it come from? When did I learn it? How did the source learn it? Who am I trying to be? What am I learning today? How did I learn that?

We need to get to the root of the issues and leave the labels and the judgments at the door. We need to break through our very psyche to tackle our fears and definitions to get to the questions before attempting to tackle the solutions. We need to forget about our egos and start learning again. We need to work together to form a future that is sustainable and fair.

I think it just takes vision and the ability to discern. We also need to accept ourselves as the natural beings that we are and release all of the man made fears to which we have relinquished control. We can instill 'change' but not the way we are going now. It is time to change for the children, for the planet and for the future.

Why are we so divided? Where do we start?

Of all the reading that I have done, I have noticed one thing; everyone has or is against a cause.

The animal liberators want to free the animals. The anti-capitalists want to free the people. The environmentalists want to save the planet. Some want to eat meat, some don't. Some want socialism, some communism and some a different type of 'ism'. Save the planet, save the whales, save the Palestinians, save the children, save the ice caps; save our way of life. The problem is that the causes clash or are not in sync. That the people with the causes think that theirs is the righteous one. That it matters more. That it is morally superior.

What we have been led to believe (we being the whole of humanity), is that we have no other options, that we must survive and that the only way is through the taking away of life energies from others (being nature which includes people and animals) through competition. This competition has been 'bred' into us our entire lives; there must be a 'winner' and a 'loser'. We call it "human nature" and excuse our greed, our ruthlessness and our shallow existence with it. We state that animals fight and kill each other but then we try to elevate ourselves above nature by deploring the deaths of human beings. We are still just a 'dumb' animal. We have been filled with the fear of death and disease on a personal level and the irrelevance of death on a global level.

Do we really think that we can each achieve our 'causes' without the others? Do we think that the one, morally just above all others, cause will elevate everyone to join and instill the change that is needed? The fact is that all the causes have meaning and are just, but we need to prioritize and allow the causes to blend together naturally.

We need to look at all the issues, we need to question their involvement and we need to ask WHY. Why do we hate the unions? Why do we look down on AR activists? Why do we feel oppressed as a group? Why do label them conspiracy theorists? Why do we have racial, economic and educational divisions?

Here are but some of the issues that we are faced with:

Poverty - A creation of capitalism, ownership society and wealth. Used to give people a cause, feel shame, judgment and blame. The division that no one wants to 'slip' into.

Media control - used to propagate lies and dis-information in order to control the masses by providing them with just enough information to make them fearful and reactive. The control of thoughts.

Money - equated to life, a measure of success, showing of affection; therefore a measure of life. Caring for your family. survival. Has become the most importanat thing in life.

Education - a training institution designed to propagate society and the ruling class' thinking. There to make sure that the populous becomes a 'productive member of society'. Acts as a form of division as those that do not get an education are frowned upon, chastised and made to feel inferior their entire lives.

Politics / Government - a game for the rich. To control the population using the guise of democracy. Something to keep the divisions in place. Pick your 'ism'. Are you left, right or safely in the middle? Something to blame.

Prison system - places to 'make examples' of those that dare to step out of line or must survive outside the accepted norms. Crimes against property, victimless crimes; makes us feel safe, gives us the impression that someone is looking out for us.

Speciesism - bring about feelings of shock and awe, fear, shame, judgment. An issue that is thought of as 'we'll get to it'. This is about the balance of nature. This is part of life itself.

Sexism - bringing feelings of oppression, judgment, anger, blame and self image. A division of humanity. Nice when a rift can be created right down the middle. Keeping the populous busy with each other helps to keep them off the trail to the root of the problem.

Racism - bringing feelings of oppression, judgment, anger, blame and self image. Another division of humanity, handy.

Capitalism - Here one could write volumes. Basically it's 'every man for himself' (and please don't go back to the sexism). This is the way it is. This is the only system that works. This is why we live so well today.

Global Warming - man induced climate change through the wasting of energies.

There are many, many more and far more detail for the ones above but it would be impossible to reach the end of the list in this writing.

Let us not view them as issues or subjects by classifying everything. When we classify something, we automatically put it into a pre-determined category. Let us instead think of them as energies which are required to intertwine for the natural balance to work. The 'sides' in an argument are often just fears that are echoed back through our minds which usually are implanted there throughout our lives. We memorize and regurgitate something out of fear of being judged. It is a reactive response; we need to ask "why do I to do this?" If we have to deal with people's egos before dealing with the matters at hand, nothing will get done.


"Language is employed to keep thoughts at bay." - Harold Pinter

There needs to be an uprising of the common people. There needs to be solidarity. There needs to be movement. For those that refuse to be slaves any longer, for those that THINK and can see beyond the fabrication that life has become and for those that know something is up but are not quite sure what; it is for those that we write and point out life's interesting nuances.

Sure there are the 'shruggers', which I would prefer to refer to as the lethargic. Those that are coasting through life thinking that if they don't disturb the waters, they will be safe. "Life itself is not so bad if you just 'play by the rules'", is their mantra, and they would like to stop those 'trouble makers' before they 'ruin it' for everybody else. They will agree with certain causes in order to alleviate some shame as long as it doesn't affect them personally; but will drop it for another easily to avoid judgment or if it does not fall within their 'growth' any longer. I also fight for them.

This is about not believing that this 'shit fight' of an existence is the reason for being. This is about life, nature and evolution. This is about cooperative society, living as one with each other and the world. This is not about the rich and the poor, human and animal, man and woman or adult and child; it is about all of them. This is about seeing through the multitude of lies and deceit. This is about releasing oneself from the 'chains' of induced thought, fears, reactions and judgments. This is about knowledge and universal growth; this is about 'Planetkind'.

Be it a 'Star Trek' fantasy or a 'Utopian' dream; this is what will save humanity and the planet. How we treat each other and our planet will determine our fate. The world is a 'balance'. Call it nature, good and evil, life and death or survival; that balance has been altered. It is time to get ORGANIZED; time to drop the judgments and the divisions and come together for the betterment of all. We cannot save nature if we do not first save ourselves by not forgetting nature in the process. This will not simply be achieved by knowledge but by wisdom as well.

Wasted Energies

The amount of money that that the recent election cost is incredible. Campaign costs for both parties this year was approximately $2 billion. Imagine this number now as hours, this is 228310 years. There are 8760 hours in a year. Why is it that we are no longer stunned by these gargantuan numbers? Why is it that it is acceptable for a corporation to make billions in profit? Why is it that the resources of life are so unevenly divided?

Even at $1000/hour (1,920,000/year), 40 hours per week, 160 hours per month 1920 per year; it would take 1041.66 years to make this amount. Now imagine how long it would take making the accepted living wage of $25/hour (48,000/year). Difficult to fathom such a number yet we brush off these exact numbers as what corporations must make. It's just business. It's just success. The business of screwing everyone.

Now think of the bank bailouts. Now think how easy the banks got their bailout and how difficult it was for the auto industry which is a large chunk of the working middle class ($60,000 / year), if their lucky. The auto industry is proposing 'concessions' by the unions (workers). There will be layoffs and reductions in wages, all in efforts to 'cut costs'. May as well say 'cut lives'.

Now let's think about this whole car industry thing; there is a lot of wasted energy there. Due to the dictates of 'free market' thought, the industry must have competition. Now, there are about 12 main manufacturers of automobiles in the world (give or take). Of these there are sub-manufacturers but we will stick with 12. Now these manufacturers have one agenda, to make automobiles that will make profits. They do not have to make the best car or the most fuel efficient, they must simply sell. So we are lured into buying through 'options' and 'features' but not really quality. They sell it like sex. But it is never as satisfying.

All these are wasted energies; we are in the midst of a 'climate crisis' yet we still expect the auto industry to make profits through the 'upgrade cycle' of marketing. Instead of 'free market' thinking, maybe we need to think 'socially'; we should accept that in order to better humanity and the Earth, not everything should make a profit. Nationalize the auto industries, merge them together, make better cars. Ones that last (not subject to planned obsolescence), cars that don't burn fossil fuels; cars that have a low impact on all living things. Think about how much is spent by auto industries every year on advertising or on research; all this wastes resources and energy.

Some people that live the same lifestyle ($60,000/year) as the auto workers say that the workers are the problem because they make too much and demand too much in the way of medical and such. "An uneducated person doing a repetitive task should not make the same as an educated person such as a nurse or a teacher". I have heard that; let it sink in. I know that as I grew up I constantly heard that an 'education' is the most important thing. That the job that I received due to my education would make my 'success'. This has been pushed constantly by family, the government and corporations alike throughout my life. "Get the education and a job is waiting for you" was the chant. This has been a deliberate wedge pushed between the people in order to facilitate in-class fighting. Divide and conquer. Wasted energies.

Now, with money=Life (check previous post), is an educated person entitled to more life than a non-educated one? Do the educated feel that the uneducated have not 'paid their dues' in life and therefore are entitled to less? Do they feel that having an education brings them 'entitlement'? Are they jealous that a person did not have to go through years of 'schooling' in order to attain the same standard of living? Are they bitter?

Same thing happens with 'welfare'. I have heard people that believe that everyone should be 'doing their part'. Their part in what? Are we benefiting anything here? Are we bettering humanity with forced labor to increase the profits of the few? Why are people so threatened by other people 'sponging off the system'? Is it because they feel cheated? Cheated of what? Are they jealous? Do they seriously believe that a world that has 100% employment at 40hours/week is making any positive difference to life Earth? What are we all working for? Who are we all working for? Do they seriously believe that with all the advancements that we have made in the last 100 years, that people must work longer and harder? That both parents have to work in order to attain 'equality'? Are we really advancing as a species? Wasted energies.

It is not that difficult to fix a lot of the issues at hand, we simply have to take action en mass. We also have to take 'money' out of the equation of life. We are all born of the same Earth, of the same resources, of the same life force; we all have equal right to life's basic necessities.

The problem lies in the divisions that have been put in place between the masses and the judgments that have been implanted in our minds. The problem is the petty infighting throughout the working classes. The problem is that without all the information, masses of people will remain ignorant to what is happening in the world and susceptible to false leadership.

How terrible would it be if the financial systems collapsed? Would this affect the rich as it does the poor? What would happen if we all didn't go to work for a month? Would they get the message? Would we be able to instill change? Sure, some would die during a change such as this but some are already dying simply because they are born without money. We have the power to stop all this right now; simply say NO MORE.

I do believe that education is important to our future but let us not confuse education with 'training'. The ability to learn comes from questions and experiments. If we are too afraid to step out of the norm in order to ask the questions, we will never learn anything. Sure, some may be masters at what they do. In reality though, how important is what they do? Do they really have to 'think' doing what they do? Are we merely existing, doing what we do? Wasted energies.

There are far too many examples and points that could be brought up in this writing. Think about the ones above and the ones that you can come up with. What are the wasted energies that you see?

Where have all the thinkers gone? Perhaps they have been 'educated' into extinction.

Things I read Today

I have been asked by my wonderful better half to provide links to how my mind is the way it is. Maybe if everyone read what I did, they would understand better.

So check out Things I Read Today for my list, I will try to update it daily.

Competition = Life

If all people are competitors; competition is just business; business is equal to livelihood; then competition must equal livelihood which equals life. Life or death, the most basic of animal instincts. When cornered, an animals will do anything to live.

This is the ultimate form of control. The system that has prevailed for centuries has done everything to reduce humans to their lowest common denominator: "look out for number 1". (Divide and conquer) In doing so, everything becomes a competition which has been reinforced through the teaching in schools, the daily work ethic and mainstream media, as a good and valuable asset to the way things work. Don't question it, just accept it.

Competition is good, it drives forward innovation (define innovation, it should not mean the next great cup-holder) and provides incentive. Incentive for what though? It seems to me it is solely to make money. Therefore I would digress if I did not conclude that

LIFE = MONEY

When something as horrific as the above statement is generally accepted through propaganda, media and schooling, it essentially becomes an unspeakable truth. To speak it brings denouncement as "over-simplifying" things and backed up with statements such as: "One cannot live without money", "we all have to work", "you have to do your share", "you gotta eat" and “there are no free rides”. All of these and others, have been spoken over and over and over during conversations with ignorant, educated and uneducated persons throughout the years. An education level does not matter in seeing the truth, nor in spouting programmed responses therefore one can be highly educated but ignorant. I even tried to explain that responses are the same, word for word, across the board; programmed to which came such memorable response as "well then, it must be true if everyone else says it".
My favorite though is still “And in your Utopian world, who's going to dive in the shit?” - these I just don't bother with anymore as they will defend 'their' system to the death.

This separation of the self from the collective frame of mind, society and nature itself has led to where we are today and what we have become. This blind acceptance of our circumstances and that "capitalism must prevail" is a collective mind that is being controlled be another collective mind. The wishes of the few are carried out by the many. The few by the way control the MONEY therefore they control the LIFE.

Through fear and intimidation the few enact laws and protections for the "property" that they have amassed and all at the bequest of the many. "this could happen to you" "he seemed like such a nice man, bit of a loner" "lock your doors" "put valuables in the trunk"; all designed to protect 'you'. NOT!! It is designed to protect property. And while amassing property we all go crazy. One can insure property against theft. Let that sink in. I want to pay someone MONEY every month just in case someone else wants to steal it. Or better yet I want to insure (MONEY) my property against the likelihood that the company that manufactured it screwed up and it breaks prematurely.

Now let that sink in and let's take a ride to the early 1900's in a Ford. Now Henry liked the idea of making money by having people buy his stuff so much, that he came up with the concept of "planned obsolescence"
. How to have your shit break so that the customer will have to buy a new one. With this also comes the parts shortages due to change and factory upgrades, yadda yadda. There is a cycle though for buying of goods and that has been shorted over the years, especially with gadgets – the “i-universe”.

Now if we do some calculations, let's say that the average person pulls in $40000 a year (yeah right). That person has 3 weeks off (again) and works 40 hours a week Monday to Friday (oh boy). That works out to about $21 per hour. That means that $21 = 1 hour of your life. If life expectancy is 72 and one applies that to every hour of life a human life = $13,245,120. Last I heard in an old GM memo it was $200,000. Hmmmmm.

That means that $1500 MacBook that you just purchased is worth roughly 71.5 hours or 3 days of your life. If someone steals your MacBook, how much time should they spend in jail?
There is said to be 20 million people doing time in the U.S. And increasing at 1000 per week. How many did crimes against property? And will they ever change their ways? I read news articles on people that get released after serving 25-30 years in jail. Are they rehabilitated? Probably, will they survive in this new world? Maybe not, but the public at large loves to demonize them and hold their past forever over them. Good luck.

Where does this mean streak of competitiveness come from? Why must people always try to make themselves look better than others? Is it that they have no control over their own lives therefore need to control something else, even as indirectly as holding a grudge? Is it that the fear of life and possessions that has increased over the years is causing rational thought to be consumed?

Why within all the advancements that we have made in our own humanity and our environment (and I don't mean nature so get off the green thing for this) can we not reach for commonality and humanity rather than the self? Have the few really devolved the many to the point where they are mere animals surviving and desperately trying to protect what little they have accumulated in order to feel fulfilled as a life force?

What are the answers? I wish I had them. There are those that say that if you don't know how to fix it, then shut up. To them I have no time for. In order to find solutions, problems must first be identified. And in order to find the correct solution, the root problem needs to be identified. The competition does not end at the one, for there are many in groups that have the same agenda yet compete against each other.

Do we all come together and live in a 'communal' community (with visions of fear with reminders of Koresh or just nuts)? Do we prepare a covert revolution (with visions of activists and terrorists)? Or do we simply accept and carry on? Which label shall we be able to live with? How do we mobilize? What do we need? How do we escape the insanity?

The Greatest System on Earth

Fear of the isms: communism, socialism etc. has led to the perception that the capitalist way is the only way to be without slipping into some sort of preconceived abyss of eternal sociological damnation. This has led to complacency and a general acceptance of the status quo; the norm as it is presented to us. There are no questions asked, there are no protests there are no thinkers that can see beyond, to a place and time where things may even work for all of humanity. We are told that greed is human nature, we are given examples of a few people or groups in history that have exemplified this and told that it encompasses all of humanity. “Greed will not allow us to provide for all of humanity.” "Are we to trade chickens?" “Who is going to do the shit work?” “How can one make money?” These are some of the reasons that people tell me that a different system will not work or that they simply refuse to see otherwise.

"Competition is healthy" we have been told since we were kids. Let's think about it; when do we not compete? Our homes are a competition to buy the best one, to have it appear nicer than the one we grew up in or that of your neighbors. Our drive to work is a competition to get there the fastest, to not get stuck in traffic in a vehicle that shows that we can afford it . Our jobs are a competition to get a promotion before the others, to make more money than others. Our dinner parties are a competition to try to impress our group of friends. The video games we play are a competition against ourselves, the game itself or others. The sports we play are a competition against individuals and countries. Shopping for that sought after item is a competition to get it first while supplies last. War is a competition for resources and land. When does it end? Why are we obsessed with competing? My dad is stronger than yours, my mom is prettier, my car is better; why why why? This is a constant game that divides us as human beings and forces us to simply think of 'self'. How is this healthy?

There is also a trend to compare everything in life to something that is worst off. Country X is better than country Y, work conditions in country X are better than in Y, health care, living standards, etc. When one constantly compares like this, there is a tendency to accept rather than strive to better the situation. Both systems could be lacking but because one seems better, or is sold as better, then it is accepted. This in itself is another thing that is stalling the evolution of our species. Brought upon by the constant chatter of sales and marketing, we are constantly thinking that a product is new and improved, that it is better than its alternative. A consumer mindset that will drag us all down with it. When did our minds get so weak? How did this happen? Repetitive suggestion. When one is told a lie often enough, it becomes a truth. In constant competition, humanity is fighting a losing battle against itself while the rulers laugh all the way to the bank. The ultimate slight-of-hand and deception.

Marketing by fear, by sex or by intimidation; this is another way our lives get turned into the lemmings that we have become. Preying on our basic needs and desires, we crave the sex, we accept the fear as healthy and we hope that someone is out there to protect us. There is no Superman, no one is protecting us, the corporate masters are just using us to their ends. They live off of our fears; "what will people think if I have acne?" must buy skin cream. They know that sex sells; buy the car with the hot babe on the hood. They love to intimidate us; only 3oz bottles when traveling on an airplane or else. "These rules are for your safety" they like to say. I don't know about you, but for me a safe life is a controlled one. "You have a choice" they sputter. There are no real choices - to fly or not to fly is not a choice, it is an ultimatum.

We are the first to judge or criticize another way of life but when it comes to looking inwards, we are blind. We refuse to accept ourselves as being flawed, we make excuses and we start to compare. Our way of life is simply better. When confronted with the problems that are facing us, we can only say things as "What are the solutions?" without even accepting that there are problems; we are mentally blocked. If there are no definite solutions, then there cannot be any problems. This is not a way to think. The basis of finding solutions is to first identify the problems. The person that can see the problems may not be the same as the one that finds solutions but it is a step forward.

Every day we are told what to think, what is acceptable, what is the norm. We are constantly reminded what happens to those that do not fall into the norm. Prison, mental institutions, addictions, activists, terrorists, etc. There are no more freedom fighters; they are all now terrorists. We are constantly reminded to fear straying out too far. Don't read this, don't download that; guilty by association. We are protected; laws are passed for our safety and we go about believing everything is just fine or at least that they are as fine as is possible.

In order for real change to occur there needs to be an addressing of such fears. Living in a society that does not accept anything unless it is proven and which is automatically suspicious of the human element leads it not to accept change. We, as a whole, are trained to be dis-believers, we need facts, figures, diagrams, accounting; proof. If there is the slightest doubt that something will not work, or something is not as it seems, then we discard it, we don't accept it, we simply don't believe. If there is one person that 'ruined' it for the rest of us, we accept that it is no longer viable or that a new law is to be passed. There cannot be a system that is better suited to humanity except capitalism, as there will never be proof of otherwise. Communism has failed, socialism has fallen flat therefore there are no other options. Like the linear thinking sheep that they are, the masses simply accept this and even defend it to the end; not knowing any better and simply refusing to think outside the box.

A Better Way Forward

I sit and wonder at how long I can do this; how long can I hold my tongue? How long can I nod and smile?

The other day I kept my mouth shut as the way people were talking, I thought that they had turned into bigots and racists in front of me. "We are not racist". "Canada is a very tolerant country".

I listened as the conversation turned to Sikhs and their turbans. They were talking about the fact that the Sikhs refuse to wear hardhats. "They can go without a hardhat, but my health system shouldn't pay for them if something happens" one said. I tried to say that they had a right to religious beliefs, to which one replied "then they can go back to their own country". What country would that be? Is it one that we have invaded?

Sure Canada is a great country, as long as one conforms to it's "rules of life". Adhere to the educational system, accept all the rules (for your safety). Do not go off the path that has been chosen for all and you will have a fairly decent life (for now). Just don't think for yourself, that is what the government is here to do, to take that burden away so that you can go through life, enjoying it as you blindly nod and smile your way through it.

I listen to people that consider themselves "educated" and "intelligent" when in fact they are "trained" and simply regurgitate the spewing of a system that has them under control. These are the same individuals that make the majority of the population, and believe that this is the way that everyone should think and live. Encouraged by a system that protects them and makes them feel "safe", they go through life believing their false intelligence and trying to change everyone into thinking like them. If you do happen to think outside their scope, look out, it is a personal attack and anger sets in.

Trying to conform to a financial system that eats you up and spits you out, people have forgotten how to be human; how to be nice to one another and just accept people for who they are. How to accept whole cultures and ways of life without judging them as inferior because they do not adhere to our way of life. They have not been educated in the same houses as we, so therefore are also denied the dignity of recognition for their hard work in foreign universities. Pay your dues and yee shall be rewarded.

I had always heard throughout life that if I did not get my papers(education) that life would be difficult for me. This is something that is taught in schools, is reinforced at home and throughout the media. "Get an education or forever be a loser" is the cry from all directions; "get an education and be a success". A 'success', what does that mean? To get more money than you need to live your life is considered a success. To have more children then the planet needs is considered a success. To climb your way to the top on the backs of others is considered a success. Make your mark, be a star, is a success; fame, fortune and notoriety are all forms of success.

Stand out from the crowd and you shall be rewarded; think outside the box. Stand out how? Does blowing away 10 people in a fast food restaurant count as a success? That would make one notorious and stand out from the crowd? Does fighting a corrupt system and looking for a better way constitute a success? One is usually ostracized and shunned for thinking outside the norm and going against "the powers that be". Then what is it? Think outside the little box but keep yourself caged in the encampment? Have an idea, but only if it helps the current system?

If it wasn't for the weather, sports, celebrities and material gain, what would people have to talk about? People have dinner parties, get-togethers and gatherings so that they can be with like-minded people; usually they turn out to be no-minded people. Sitting around drinking and talking about nothing of value, forever trying to impress the others with their knowledge of nothing. This car is better than that, that sports star makes too much money, this celebrity is so hot .... make it stop. How about the world as we know it, turning on each other for monetary gain? What about the destruction of our planet so that profits can soar? What about the inequalities facing humanity? And what about the fact that in this age of technological advancements, we have to work harder just to survive, just to 'own' something?

With all the wasted energies and competition in the world, it is a wonder that we ever got this far. Imagine if we stopped trying to find a 'gadget' to sell and make millions but instead actually tried to solve some of the problems facing our species. Imagine if we strive for real advancement instead of striving to be a part of the elite club of 'the rich'. We are short sighted and cannot see beyond ours or our family's immediate future. Generations have come and gone, let there be generations to follow. Let go of individual gain and look towards a future for all. Release yourselves from the shackles of 'someone else's game'; be free, moral and justified in life. Life is supposed to be a wondrous journey for our energies to transcend from one realm to the next, instead it has become a shit-fight. Stop idolizing stupidity and reach for true understanding and intelligence, this is the way forward.

Education (training) - Molding Individuals and Cultures

One of the things that needs to change is our educational system; a system that is making it's way throughout the entire world. Through developmental practices, there has been a virus like expansion of an educational system that is more based on memorize and regurgitate than on common sense, logical thought or continual learning. Fact is that we do not teach how to learn. In a world where time equals money, everything seems to have had a value attached to it and measured against economic rules; this includes the educational system and life itself.

Where certifications prevail, so does linear thought patterns based on the concept of "good enough" but deceiving the recipient into thinking that they have actually achieved something of value. This is evident in I.T. certifications in which the recipient can achieve competency but cannot adapt to the evolution of software, therefore requiring more training. As a business model, this works very well, as it assures the company offering the training, a constant revenue stream. This may also fool the recipient that they are constantly learning rather than being re-trained. Animals can be trained based on the concept that it will receive a "treat" for it's actions. The same can be said for humans, the treat being the prospect of advancing in a job with the hopes of more money.

"Get them young and you can get them to do almost anything"; this is true in both animals and humans. I once heard of a plan, for the Canadian educational system, to introduce cheque balancing and personal finance at a grade 6 level at schools. This, to me is an example of "training" the minds rather than educating them. Combined with the lives that the parents live, the constant bombardment of mis-information and the constant flow of "buy me" "want me" advertising, these children do not stand a chance of ever having a free and original thought. They should though, grow up to be good, productive members of society; neither asking too many questions and blindly following the rest of the herd.

I see this spreading into the "developing" countries but ask; developing into what? With the promises of advancement and a better life, first world nations have been slowly transforming the rest of the world into the same competitive, narcissistic individuals while killing their respective cultures. Blinded by money and technology, ever hopeful of a better life and addicted to the "life's little pleasures" such as alcohol, tobacco and sugar, these cultures slowly die off trying to achieve the life that they view as "better".

The corporate masters encourage this form of training as the measure of competency. All through life, one is asked the question "what is your education?" while obediently showing their certificates and diplomas that they have accumulated over their lives; forever chasing a dream.

I will stop here as it is to easy to venture of the path and blur the issues into one. I will state again that without logical thought, common sense and the ability to learn, there is no education; there is only training. True learning comes from taking all the experiences of life, every outside influence and analyzing them to formulate your own conclusions; not blindly accepting what others what you to learn for their agendas may be tainted.

The Truth? The Future?

Here is a video that everyone should watch.


http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/


Zeitgeist: The 9/11 Myth
ZEITGEIST (The Movie 2007) - TRAILER
ZEITGEIST the movie: Clip 1 "Introduction"
ZEITGEIST - The Movie :: The Omissions

Something to lighten the load a little; gotta love George Carlin.

George Carlin: education and the owners of America

Some Notes and Observations

Dependencies
- are formed on manufactured goods and processed foods
- are formed on label and status
- are formed on technologies (or what passes as such)
- are formed on the choices that are formulated by others and offered to the masses
- are formed on addictive substances such as sugar, caffeine, nicotine, etc.
- are formed on a monetary system
- are formed on trade systems
- are formed on foreign aide
- are formed on economics
- are formed on credit
- are formed on false education and certifications

Credit
- traps and locks the debtor in
- enables the purchase of goods that are not owned by the debtor
- is controlled by for profit entities
- employs fear and intimidation collection tactics
- allows people to live beyond their financial means
- allows people people to purchase "status gear" to falsely elevate their social standings
- forms a dependency
- is based upon money that does not exist
- is designed to pay off the interest and not the principle
- is marketed as essential
- is essential for certain things (car rental, hotel, etc.)
- is a legal form of "loan sharking"

Technologies are stunted solely for the purpose of profit. Computer technologies are sold in cycles and don't really offer any true advancements. Internal combustion engines are having their lives and values extended by employing inhuman concepts such as bio-fuels. The public is taken in by effective marketing strategies. Patents are bought along with people to stymie advancements. In the 90s there were vehicles that offered more than 50MPG. Third world nations manufacture goods for first world nations at a fraction of the cost then have the goods dumped back on them when there is no longer a market in those countries.

31-08-07
I have seen the anniversary of Princess Diana's death on T.V. aired for days now. It is no wonder that the world has such a difficult time moving forward for it is always looking back. Instead of mourning for her death they should be honoring someone that is working towards the same things that she spent her time working towards. People seem to love to worship the dead instead of finding good in the living. I also see Visa commercials that convey the message that life if "better" with Visa and that it will help one through life. Also saw one that portrayed life as a production line of commerce and that when someone pays in cash, it disrupts everything. Other ads that prevail here are those of beauty such as having a perfect ass, a perfect body, or simply portraying that image outwards. Breast augmentations here are a regular occurrence. Have money, have credit and be beautiful. Molding the minds to think along with the rest of the so called developed world. They view a lot of CNN en espanol here and this is where a lot of the ads for credit are being aired. One of the problems that I see for Chavez is that no matter how much he tries to elevate the poor of his country, they will still be programmed to be good little consumers. The distractions and shiny objects seem to be winning.

01-09-07
I sit at the bar and watch the barmaid distracted on the computer that I helped to set up to the Internet the other day on MSN Messenger. I think about the observations that I had made yesterday and truly think that the change that may occur in this country may solely be to distribute the wealth more evenly; a change in society, I feel, will not be possible. The money, the ads, the credit here is the same as everywhere else. They have the same outside influences. They view the same life as better and all seem to aspire to be included in it. I fear that the free electricity or water or whatever else that Chavez does will do nothing but help to accelerate the assimilation process that is occurring throughout the world. I don't think that the sociological change that is so desperately needed in the world will occur here. Some things will be different, but alas, it shall remain the same. Cultures eaten up by the likes of Coca Cola, Pepsi, etc.; short attention spans ruling and confusing en mass. Where I once had hope, I now have none. I feel that all this is part of the ever evolving mind control techniques that have developed and been accepted as the norm over the centuries. A strong mind is difficult to find but having one and keeping it sane seems to be even more so. What can one mind do amongst so much opposition? Await insanity? I need a coalition of the thinking. One man does not change the world.
I used to think that it would be easier reaching the people of the developing nations, after all, this is where most of my good conversations have taken place. Now I realize that those discussions have occurred with travelers, and not the local populations. There are minds out there that are trying to break free. The minds of the so called educated which may have had enough short term stimulation and now are craving more. The minds of the uneducated which may have had a better chance to develop due to a necessity of though and a lack of programming. I must probe within myself and figure out what it was that triggered my awakening. I do not that that the same trigger will work for all but it may for some. There may not even be a trigger but instead a combination of life experiences and knowledge that I have obtained from years of hardship and struggling with what seems to be life itself (society's version of it). This I do not wish upon anyone but realize that some people need hardship in order to learn. I feel that it is my duty to help the minds that are receptive to break free, for without hope or purpose, what is the point? I am not ready to give up nor will I blindly accept or follow the herd. I do not consider myself as highly intelligent or above others, simply free in thought. If I were more intelligent, I may have solutions instead of solely seeing the problems that are staring us in the face. I do believe that a free mind, when not matured, can lead to madness though; this may, in some way, explain the phenomenon of people "losing it" and taking themselves and others out with them. When your mind is going in one direction and what seems like the rest of the world is going in another, it takes a strong person to go beyond it and control the madness that it can generate. I have figured out that I am a free man but that I am also in a constant state of control, not only by others but also by my own self. I have realized that it is necessary for me to play along with certain things in order to continue living. I must develop my mind instead of constantly trying to fight it as I have done for so many years. I must accept certain aspects of my life in order to further develop it. I will go back to Canada and try to blend in, all the while developing my ides and theories in hopes of reaching as many minds as possible; in hopes of facilitating in the freeing of those minds. I have noticed over the years that the more that I try to fight against my own mind and thoughts (using alcohol, pot, women, etc.), that the more that it seems to render these techniques in-effective. I do not know how this is possible but it does seem to prove to my own mind that it is a very powerful part of my being. I am convinced that if my mind is capable of achieving this state, that there is hope for the other minds of the world.

03-09-07
I sit on yet another airplane to fly from Montreal to Toronto on the last leg of my journey at this time. As I listened and watched everything around me today, I realized how much of the population seems to not be capable of any logical thought processes. They seem to blindly accept the authoritative rule without question and are usually perturbed if someone does question it. They are satisfied instead of logic to be pacified by answers such as "it's regulation" and "for your safety". An accepting, non-confrontational, non-thinking population is perfect for those in charge as when there is a culling of the herd, these will be less opposition and questions and greater acceptance. I sit and live amongst ignorant fools, incapable of having freedom of thought and blindly accepting whatever orders from their masters. This I found evident with travel regulation, where people are afraid to confront someone and simple ask "why?" or "where is the logic in that?" The response to these are usually the same "it's the rules". Not questioning their masters they accept this as logic. As more of the first world populace seems to be engaging in some form of travel, the increase of fear and control was bound to be the next logical progression. Ask most people and they will say that they are logical thinkings, yet question their logic or logically dissect their beliefs and they will usually respond with anger and the same programmed responses as everyone else all the while assessing you as a hostile entity. I even had one tell me that if I keep hearing the same responses, then they must be true. The problem that I have is that these people genuinely believe that they are intelligent yet they are forever nodding and smiling and blindly following orders. Canadian society is, I believe, the envy of others as they seem more mesmerized and willing to accept than some of the other "developed" (into what?) countries. It is almost like most of these people have been struck square between the eyes with a hammer and then made to believe that it never took place. 9/11 did change the world but not as everyone seems to think or believe. It facilitated the ease in which control mechanisms could be implemented upon the populace and also gave ground to the numbing of resistance of law and order to a control system that can now get away with much more that it could in the past. Are the rules that are totally devoid of any logic simply a way to test what the people will accept? Are the powers that be merely testing the waters to see what it can get away with? Will the masses ever be able to be capable of any kind of individual thought ever again? Or will they simply be to afraid of their own shadows?

Fear and Perpetual Hope

After a while, one begins to realize that things must be narrowed down for those that can only take one or two things at a time. Those that are so deeply entrenched into a system that they don't even understand but will defend to the death.

Fear - a control mechanism used throughout history to mold and steer society in the direction that some think it has to go.

Daily the masses are subjected to images, sounds, ideas, etc. that convey a message that they should be afraid of something, someone, an act, etc. I found evidence of this the other day when I was confronted by some individuals, simply because I said that I was not afraid of anything. Apparently, I have to be afraid of something in order to be part of today's society. I fear something, that the world and it's inhabitants will not see clearly until it is too late.

Fear of the law & it's consequences is a way that civilized nations control their citizens. Fear of not fitting into the society that is available to you (judgement). Fear of not not having enough money to purchase the items that are necessary for life. Fear of an illness that will suck those same monetary resources dry. Fear that you will lose your job unless you act in a certain way. Fear that someone will steal the material belongings that you worked hard to acquire, making yet another dent in your monetary resources. Fear of venturing too far into the unknown depths of nature. Fear that someone is lurking around every corner to mug or injure you. Fear of people that one does not know. Fear of people that think differently from the "norm". Fear of what other people will think if your children act up in public (great for Ritalin). Fear of facing the world alone and maybe finding yourself. Fear of not finding your soul mate (dating agencies). Fear of not standing out in the crowd and being special (big car, big house, pop idol, etc.). Fear of other cultures (Muslims). Fear that someone will snatch your children. Fear that someone will kill you or your family. Fear of bacteria (how do you think an immune system develops?). Fear of terrorists. Fear of shoe bombs. Fear of shampoo and other liquids. Fear of other religions. I think that the fear message is evident, feel free to add more in the comments.

I will now talk about what I think is the other side of the coin.

Perpetual Hope - This gives the masses something (even though it may be unattainable by the majority) to hope for and look forward to. The greatest of these is America's own "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness" (which was on first draft "Life, Liberty and Land).
Happiness - an abstract concept that has no clear definition and which changes with each individual based upon perception.

Hope that you may get into a good school (if you can afford it). Hope that you too can sing, play, etc. your way to the top (the top of what?). Hope that you too can win the lottery, or other gambling methods too make your life easier. Hope that you will find love. Hope that you are lucky. Hope that your boss likes your work. Hope that you can pay off that house and other forms of credit. Hope that you stay healthy. Hope that your government is acting in your best interests. Hope that your crops will go up. Hope that the dollar is strong. Hope that you will be good parents (according to whom?). Hope that if you work hard, you will attain the life that you crave (does anyone realize that that life is manufactured?). Hope that you will be judged fairly (by whom again?). Hope that you will be a productive member of society. Hope that you find a good job (no matter how mind numbing it may be). Hope that you can satisfy the needs and the wants of your family. Fear and Hope - the easiest way to control people's lives. First you make them believe that the things that they crave are really what is important, then you make make them believe that they are attainable to anyone.

I do not believe that I am the only person that sees things this way. Myself, I hope for a positive change; a more natural and human existence for all, not a shit fight to the top (WHICH DOES NOT REALLY EXIST). I also hope for widespread clarity of thought which is the only thing that will expose the beast for what it is and instill change. Don't take my word for it, open your eyes and look around, the signs are everywhere.

Another Comment I Left

Here is my comment for an article that is worth reading:

Of Marx, Christ, and the Persecution of Radicals: How Will Humanity Survive the Capitalist Threat?

As always, I think your writing is "spot on" and eloquently written. It gives me hope to know that there are others out there that see the world the way it actually is. People that are fed up with the lack of free thought and compassion that they are actually craving but know not why they can never attain.

PROGRAMMED RESPONSES

This is part of our training in life; from cradle to grave, we are bombarded with images, sounds, literature and any other impulse that can have an affect. This is all designed to mold us into the "productive member of society" that feeds this parasitic system.

I know not of the moment that I attained freedom and sometimes, I think that it was far easier prior to my awakening. Then I remember what it was like; easy, boring, thoughtless but I always thought there had to be more.

THERE HAS TO BE MORE TO LIFE THAN THE QUEST FOR CASH

Jason mentioned "survival of the fittest" I must disagree. Survival of the Richest, maybe, but it does not take any survival instincts or intelligence to acquire money. It takes cunning and moral flexibility.

Free your minds and this is not just the U.S.; this is the world. (most of it, for those of you that think linear) Back away from Vista, the iPhone and all other forms of materialistically filling the void that you so crave to fill in your empty little lives.

Free thought is the only thing that will evolve us as a species.

And because it was so well written and so correct, thank you Jason and:

"I do not belong nor militate in any formal communist party in the U.S. Nor do I belong to any other political entity or party. Furthermore, I do not subscribe to a specific doctrine, ideology, or dogma. My allegiance is to my core principles and values, which are premised on honesty, justice, humanity, responsibility, critical thinking, open-mindedness, egalitarianism, compassion, a belief in a Higher Power of my understanding, and many of the teachings of Christ."

A comment I left

A comment in reponse to Alex Cockburn - Climate Denier

Firstly, whoohoo, total global destruction in 5 years; gotta mark that down on the calendar.

Second, if it were water vapor, wouldn’t the desertification effect that is been felt in some parts of Africa be reversing itself? More water vapor would create more rains, hence the soil would regain some much needed moisture making it heavier … would it not?

Alex, don’t be saddened by this event. This is the moment that you realize that a pundit is a pundit is a pundit. The illusion that they portray only fools some of the people all of the time. There are too many issues that Cockburn (sounds like he needs a good cream) could never always say what you wanted to hear.

This is their mandate, giving you what you want to hear, unless it is to change popular opinion; this would be propaganda. What could they be pushing? Oil, coal, ethanol, they still want to suck all that they can from the miles of parts and cars that are still not produced. They that make the decisions will suck us dry and the planet too; think about a spacial “Noah’s Ark”.

About fleecing the public, it’ll happen, wait. I can see laws for the public, forcing them to change their water tank for a solar one or a fine for using appliances older than x number of years. This would be something that our beloved Canada would do; all the while taking it’s cut.

The first thing that needs to be done is to take away the power, not only from the polititians and government, but also from the corporations (entities that have more rights than humans) and especially from MONEY (has more power than anything).

We have the knowledge to rebuild “smart”. We don’t have to die from work related stress. Stop all the bullshit; IT’S TIME TO EVOLVE

Follow the Lemmings

I know in a lot of comments and previous posts, that I may have referred to the masses as being easily hypnotized by the shiny and status power of gadgets. After viewing the following link, I had to re-think that statement:

Ubuntu running Looking Glass demo video

I have determined that it is not the mere wow factor that will influence a consumer, but a variety of factors, all just as ridiculous. Let's take two examples, Microsoft and Apple.

Microsoft - a trusted name? Not likely. If not a name then what? Ask "why Microsoft?" and most people will reply "because everyone else uses it." When presented with a superior and free option like Linux or OpenOffice, they are suspicious and fearful and dismiss it with this comment. This leads me to assume that due to the fact that everyone else uses MS Windoze, that they believe this justifies that they will not even consider another product. Is this the way that they go through life: just because everyone else is?

Apple - a trusted name? More so than Microsoft. Not the trust thing here as the cool thing here. Apples are cool, iPods, iPhones, i-yi-yi. They are all the latest craze and are cool, and they are expensive, more so than their counterparts. People line up for days to get these things; how did marketing gain such control? Media: the magazines, TV Shows, commercials, billboards, sponsoring; all designed to make you feel this is a cool purchase.

I believe this price differential also allows the consumer to feel an elevated sense of pride at enabling themselves the purchase of this expensive item. One might even say, "elevated above others". I suppose that one could get this feeling of elation, or entitlement, through various forms; driving an expensive gas guzzler, buying a new car every three years, living in a mansion with your wife and two kids, having summer/winter homes beside friend's summer/winter homes, constantly buying the latest phone. What are we missing in our lives? Why do we keep buying the crap. There is no dream capitalist system. It is based upon constant expansion and flow of money from one pocket to another.

When did we all have to compete and why? Who are we competing with? I used to think that it was just with everyone else, but a lot of the hordes seem to be actually competing with themselves.

I don't even have to go on about the environmental impact that this kind of lifestyle has. My mind boggles at the damage being done to the planet, so that we can compete (with whom ever we choose) and feel like we “came out on top”. On top of what? This shitpile that we, the civilized nations, call life? This lifestyle that we have the audacity to call “democracy” which we shove down developing countries throats with IMF and World Bank conditions and promises of riches? Consume until you die or the planet self destructs, whichever comes first.

I watch the Lemmings when I go out. I hear them talking about that other person, or the product that they just/would like to buy, their jobs, their homes, their families, TV shows, movies; all inane conversations in the desperate attempt to hold a conversation and convince themselves and everyone around them that they have a good life and enjoy it. I also see the sadness, loneliness, self-loathing and emptiness in their eyes. They are zombies, with no direction. Not able to think for themselves, they rely on the constant bombardment of information and direction to comprise of their education and purpose; they are Lemmings. Watch out for that cliff, it is coming.

I suppose that my biggest gripe is how can a sane person go through life without really thinking? I have had friends tell me things such as “you think too much”, or “happiness is (insert shite here)”, “just worry about your life”, or “you just need a good woman”. This baffles me, especially when I tell them that I have literally heard this exact comment from many others word for word (while explaining programmed responses and brainwashing in simple terms), to which they respond “well it must be true then”. (picture me with a stunned look) I admit, I may be new to brain washing, but did not realize that it also disabled any logic function from performing in the human brain. I suppose if one wanted to, one could try to define the word sane; as I am told, it is defined by society.

As we evolve as human beings (and I hope that I am not the only one here), we will require the use of that chunk of gray matter that rests on the shoulders of more than 6 billion of Earth's inhabitants. The species cannot evolve without it, are we meant to be the crazy little consumers that Corporate America wants us to be? I don't think so, I think we are destined for far greater things. First thing we have to do is take care of our own. We have the resources on this planet to feed, educate, house, clothe, etc. every person on this planet, we simply CHOOSE not to. Along with the first thing, we need to clean up our act; destroying the very thing that sustains our very existence is beyond stupidity. I know that death is the only true outcome to life, but I don't want the species to really end. We have to break down the obsessive competition that exists amongst us, we have to get rid of money.

I do not subscribe to society or it's system, I am Canadian by birth, not by choice. I claim my rights as a world citizen, as a natural being; I claim the laws of common sense. Don't follow the Lemmings, follow what's right; only then can a system be changed.

Thomas Paine's Corner published version http://www.bestcyrano.org/THOMASPAINE/?p=126

Do you Feel Insulted? or What are you afraid of?

The more I try to understand the society that I live in, the more it disgusts me. I see the society that has been formed into the self-serving, xenophobic, narcissists that it has become. Each one worshiping the god of money. Each feeling squeezed and trapped and trying to protect what little life they think that they can control. "I am free" I've heard them cry. Are you? are you really? What is freedom? Is life not free?

Here are some excerpts from my travels, now put your self in the first person; the other person.

You run a small bike shop in the city and one day a guy walks in to ask a couple of questions. he asks about the size of the pedals 9/16 and as he is leaving asks about counter-clockwise thread. Do you feel insulted?

Reaction in Montreal - You tell the customer "Bring me the bike, I will put the pedals on for $2. I am trying to run a business here, I can't tell you all the secrets"



You are bar tending and a couple of customers at the bar are have a political discussion; you offer your two cents worth occasionally. One says "you don't live in a democracy" and proceeds to explain his statement. Do you feel insulted?

Reaction in Colorado - You confiscate what's left of the jug of beer that the customer had ordered and then proceed to eject him. As the fellow is being escorted out, he says with a smile; "there's your free speech, right there" and walks away.



You are working at an inter-national car rental company and a customer that has lately been renting cars or returning them to you is returning a mini-van that he rented for the day. The van is in good shape and the tank looks full. Then man then tells you that he only put 10 dollars gas in it as he had only gone 72 kilometers. You scold the customer, the man proceeds to then tell you that he worked at car company once and starts to explain that some people will take the van and fill it up, then drive around for 50 kilometers and return it looking full an.... Do you feel insulted?

You cut off the customer and tell him that "this ain't car company" and "someone is getting ripped off then" (thinking it's not going to be you) and the customer leaves after you hand him his receipt (guess it was the man that would get ripped off as they charged him an extra $15 and he put in 10L for his 72km trip; don't buy a mini-van, terrible gas mileage)



You are talking and drinking with a friend whom you know to be very liberal. The subject is the current monetary system. Your friend says that the current system has, shall we say, "over-stayed it's welcome". That it is insulting to think that you can't survive without money (including land - unless someone gives you some, you need money to get it). He also is stating that an alternative way to this predatory capitalistic system needs to be found and may have hinted at monetary limits. He knows no solutions, just points out problems. Do you feel insulted?

You come back with zingers like:
Should we trade chickens?
What about the transportation of all these free goods?
In Utopia land, who dives in the shit, you still need shit divers!
You're just jealous of success.



You are having a conversation with a friend and it gets political (a pattern?hmmm) Your friend is talking about how the current educational system is about training more than actual learning and even how to learn and that this does even go affect the medical field. Do you feel insulted?

You, being a medical professional, tell the friend that you are insulted as an educated person and as a professional.



What are all these people insulted by? What have they taken so personally? How did they develop such tunnel vision? I do not even think they know what they are loyal to or what they are defending. Is it Money itself?

Common sense, PLEASE COME BACK

I NEED TO DETOX

I heard some people talking outside today and one person had said that maybe someone they were talking about was too intelligent, I said is was a good that they were not there to say that about Einstein.

I couldn't believe it. A person too intelligent? They should have completed it and said that he is too intelligent for his place in life; whether you see it or not or whether they knew it or not, this is what they meant. I guess the schools didn't do a thorough enough job of dumbing down his mind; maybe some drugs as a child would have worked. (note: work on next generation) This is exactly the society that I need to escape from to allow my mind to grow to it's fullest potential, to allow my body to heal itself, to find out who I am.

How do I know? I can just feel it.

I NEED TO DETOX

Now I don't mean just alcohol, pot and cigarettes; I mean the air I breath, the things I see, the inane conversations I endure, the things I ingest and especially the constant, never-ending stimuli overload that bombards my senses every day. I need to not hear things like: are we going to trade chickens, are we going to barter, that's just the way it is, there's no free lunch, for your own safety, service charge, price plus tax, invest now, property will keep increasing in value, what is your solution, it could be worse, competition is good, you too can be a success ... please make it stop!

I NEED TO DETOX

I don't believe "sick leave" will cure this. I don't believe drugs or therapy will cure this. This is not a disease, but I do get a sick taste in my mouth living here. I have chosen my country and even a path for this journey. I am not sure on the timeline of this, but probably not more than a year. Eventually I plan on finding a place where I can be of help and check out a different system.

I have struggled to figure out where I fit into this thing we call life and have never felt comfortable in the country that birthed me. I have never believed in this capitalistic system which seems to be fueled by how much we will endure to pay, greed and which pits human against human. I have tried to play the game though. Tried the "find your soul mate", the "get a good job", the "change your career"; I am looking for something else.

I NEED TO DETOX

At one point in life, some of you may actually think "what is supply and demand?" Is it actually "I will supply, but demand more money"? When did my life become the quest to get as much money out of other people's pockets, to put into mine? When did it become a competition that revolves around something as un-natural as money. (some guy actually tried to convince me that money was made from paper, so therefore a natural thing)

Do it legally, do it ethically and make sure the government gets their cut. ???????
Legally - governments and corporations can legally extort money from you ...
Ethically - It takes 2L of fresh water to make 1L of coke - ethenol raised the price of corn for Mexicans (staple)...
Government gets their cut - Tax breaks, or we leave - R&D money, or we leave - Free rent, or we leave ...
"Don't do as we do, do as we say."

Gone to a hockey game lately? How about a F1 race? A superbowl? The list goes on.

I was at the F1 race in Montreal 2007. Some friends of mine went and got money out of an ATM machine at the grounds. EIGHT DOLLARS!! WTF? Sorry, but when did free enterprise become extortion? Wait a minute, that is the inevivitable conclusion.

I saw people buy t-shirts for $100, pay $4.75 for 500ml water and $5.75 for a beer (granted some of these prices might seem cheap compared to where you are, try to keep up).

The merchandising at this event was pathetic, you found stuff that was made for Montreal 2007, but did not include GPC or GPC merchandise that did not include Montreal 2007; generic garbage that can be re-used, selling for premium prices. And the people just eat it up, "look at me, I'm part of the Ferrari pit crew", huhuh. Then after the race the stock liquidation begins, sale $20, sale $10; consumers, can't be left without it, just in case someone else buys it.

This is what we call "free market enterprise", also know in some grey businesses as "extortion"; the difference, a business license makes it legal. The sad part is that the masses allow it and buy their crap.

How do people not care about the controlled world we live in?

A system that seems to worship people that make money. A system in which "everyone" is special and you too can be worshiped; are you beautiful? Can you sing? Can you play a sport? Or do you just have great big titties. Throw away your brain at the door and here is your great big bag of $CASH$. You won't need that heavy mass of grey matter here; you're popular and you have money.

I am tired of talking to deaf ears that just want an argument and don't even know why.
I NEED TO DETOX

Fun with Dell Chat Canada

I had to do it again, they seem to get stupider as you go. This one was argumentative, rude and told lies. At one point the agent pulls out 2 cut-&-pastes of Dell propoganda; at which I had to laugh. This person even tried the empathetic "I understand" and even tried using my alias to pacify me without answering my question.

This person is a terrible agent, probably does it because they know Windows and needed a job.


6:39:25 PM System Welcome Philip Renault ...
6:39:25 PM System Connecting to server. Please wait...
6:39:25 PM System Connected to chat1.us.dell.com
6:39:25 PM System Initial Question/Comment: Can I purchase a Dell laptop with Ubuntu or no OS
6:39:33 PM System CA SALES Manoj 1252 has joined this session!
6:39:33 PM System Connected with CA SALES Manoj 1252
6:39:43 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 Welcome to Dell Canada Sales Chat. My name is Manoj. I'll be your personal sales advisor today. When you place your order online, please tag my Sales Rep ID number (1252). Place it in the order form under Sales Rep Extension, so that I can assure a quick delivery and a flawless order process.
6:39:43 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 Hi Philip
6:39:53 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 Unfortunately not. Since every PC must have an operating system (OS) to run other programs, we don't ship systems without them. In addition, without an OS we wouldn't be able to do quality tests on the hardware before shipping.
6:40:55 PM You and Ubuntu?
6:41:23 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 DELL doesn't support Linux
6:41:33 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 it supports only Windows
6:41:46 PM You Dell sells Ubuntu
6:42:14 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 no we don't in Canada
6:42:36 PM You they have a support agreement with Canonical
6:42:42 PM You and why not
6:42:56 PM You is Dell not Dell
6:43:35 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 DELL supports only windows and not Linux
6:43:56 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 as it many people prefer windows
6:44:11 PM You So you are telling me that because I am Canadian, I have no choice in OS from a Teir 1 computer maker
6:44:23 PM You don't tell me what people prefer
6:44:41 PM You I prefer to have a choice
6:45:26 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 yes i understand Phillip, but iam sorry we don't have Linux with us right now
6:45:42 PM You why is it offered in the US and not Canada?
6:46:37 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 they have started offering in US recently as an experiment and may also offer in Canada in future
6:47:10 PM You so the US decides if it is marketable then we get to reap the benifits, or not?
6:47:38 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 that's not correct
6:48:02 PM You Meanwhile I am left with choosing a bloated OS or installing my own Linux with no support
6:48:33 PM You how is that not correct? If you can state that, you have information, how does it happen then?
6:48:39 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 but I can tell you that we continuously strive to develop new products and services to deliver on the needs of our customers. Stay tuned as we meet our commitment to meet your needs. In the meantime we offer only Windows
6:48:49 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 I can tell you that we continuously strive to develop new products and services to deliver on the needs of our customers. Stay tuned as we meet our commitment to meet your needs. In the meantime we offer only Windows
6:48:57 PM You lol
6:49:23 PM You so you know anyone with answers that I could contact then?
6:49:50 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 you can call our customer care number 1800 847 4096
6:50:15 PM You customer care? I am not a Dell customer, but I want to be
6:50:29 PM You they can tell me how this works?
6:51:01 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 yes they can still talk to you and can give you an answer
6:51:26 PM You alright then, I will take your word for it
6:51:42 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 thank you
6:51:52 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 Is there anything else I can help you with at this time?
6:52:00 PM You Thanks for the attempt, have a good day.
6:52:32 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 welcome, you too
6:52:32 PM CA SALES Manoj 1252 bye
6:52:42 PM System CA SALES Manoj 1252 has left this session!
6:52:42 PM System The session has ended!

So there I go into the "Dell shuffle", where I end up is a mystery. I am determined to have a Dell Ubuntu laptop.

Fun with Dell Chat USA

So I was surfing and reading and looking at Linux, and then Dell, and then ...

I discovered Dell Chat


5:32:04 PM System System Initial Question/Comment: Can I buy a Dell Ubuntu laptop in Canada?
5:34:40 PM System System BE_Rep_Heidie has joined this session!
5:34:40 PM System System Connected with BE_Rep_Heidie
5:35:11 PM Customer hello
5:35:25 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie Welcome to Dell Sales Chat. My name is Heidie. I'll be your personal sales agent today. Give me a moment to review your concern. Please don't go away.
5:35:40 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie Hi.
5:36:15 PM Customer I called Dell Canada and they said only in the US
5:36:23 PM Customer I don't accept that
5:36:26 PM Customer :)
5:36:40 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie No, we dont offer Ubuntu in our laptops in Canada.
5:36:48 PM Customer why not?
5:37:30 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie its not offered there.
5:37:35 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie Are you planning to purchase online today?
5:37:51 PM Customer I know that, why isn't it offered in Canada?
5:38:00 PM Customer online would work
5:38:20 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie we dont have enough info about that.
5:39:00 PM Customer who has the info then that I could contact?
5:39:25 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie check this link Dell Canada Products, Desktops (I had to alter and link this text)
5:39:39 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie Is there anything else I can help you with regarding your concern?
5:40:00 PM Customer you didn't help me yet?
5:40:20 PM Customer that link doesn't tell me whom to contact for the information that I am seeking
5:40:40 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie check the link. there's a live chat in Dell Canada which can assist you.
5:40:48 PM Customer so if you cannot help me, then please direct me towards someone who can
5:41:05 PM Customer but dell US sets the policies
5:41:13 PM Customer oops Dell
5:41:36 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie we dont have concrete info about that.
5:41:51 PM Customer and you don't know who to talk to?
5:42:29 PM Customer and your group leader can't help you?
5:42:45 PM Customer and your manager can't help you?
5:43:01 PM Customer I just want to know whom to contact.
5:44:01 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie or if you want you can contact this no. 1-800-847-4096 for more info.
5:45:15 PM Customer so you couldn't get me to take the web sales page bait and you want someone else to eventually deal with this, what is that number? Who answers the phone?
5:46:00 PM Customer Will the person on the phone be able to answer my question?
5:46:52 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie yes, because its the no. for Dell Canada.
5:47:40 PM Customer alright, I will try it, but I shall return if it doesn't work out
5:47:46 PM Customer :-)
5:48:02 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie ok.
5:48:08 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie Is there anything else I can help you with regarding your concern?
5:48:19 PM Customer and don't change your name to heidi_256 or something
5:48:30 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie no.
5:48:40 PM Customer Thanks for the attempt, have a good day.
5:48:52 PM Agent BE_Rep_Heidie You're welcome, I hope you would take the time to fill out the survey after leaving this chat in order for us to improve our service. Your feedback will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for choosing Dell Chat. Have a wonderful day
5:48:57 PM System System BE_Rep_Heidie has left this session!
5:48:57 PM System System The session has ended!

Filled in the survey, clicked "Yes I will be recommending this" along with the following note.

The medium is a great thing, but the lack of escalation is terrible. I will call the number tomorrow from work some people don't have land lines or cell phones. VOIP works, but Asterix is down)

Ain't I a stinker?

Individual What?

When did it happen? Was survivor the culprit? When did we lose every ounce of our own lives?

Are our lives so devoid of stimuli? Are we so desparate for attention that we would do anyting for that moment of glory, or that bag of cash?

We are all special. What kind of sheite is that? We will be a cog in the wheel, we will be a good consumer, we will be patriotic, shall I really continue? You too can have boom-chica-wawa, you too can be a star, you too can be the next moron in history.

What does individualism do? It makes more competition - "and competition is good", really sparky, is that what they told you? Where did you learn that? From your corporate masters? From the pathetic excuse for an educational system? GO DUCKS (for hockey fans) Ahhh, some distraction for you, don't think, go to work, pay your taxes, nod and smile and don't trust anyone; everyone is out to steal your wireless.

What is the point of turning everyone against each other? More sales perhaps? More trust in government? If no one is sharing, and everyone suspects everyone else, then the profits will increase, hmmmm, no brainer, but probably took an MBA to figure it out. Am I the only one to have ethical issues with most decisions made by our governments and corporations?

Outsource everything, what a trend. Bean counters own the world, not really they just make sure the profits are maximized. I have heard from Chinese friends that after a joint venture from the west, the company becomes less human.

I do have to hand it to the entertainment industry though, their H.R. can be done while making money; America's Next Top Model, Idol, Last Comic Standing ... and the masses just think, oooohhh, that could be me, I could be special; back to WTF. And people line up to do it, a moment in the spotlight aarrrggghhh.

I work for a corporation at the moment (the shock the horror) but it is a means to an end. I hope that in a few months, that I will go to Venezuela and will be allowed to join the Bolivarian Revolution. I think that I have taken the "get out" comments to heart; I cannot talk to deaf ears any longer. I must go live a life that I may be able to believe in. Now that may seem bizzare to some, and down-right insane to those at my company (they generally stay there for life; "got a good job, why ruin it"). What is insane about wanting to live a life that is mine? What is insane about not wanting to contribute to something I don't believe in? What is insane about not wanting to be nickle and dimed to death? What is insane about not wanting to feel like a slave to morons?

As real life has taught me, it is time to stop, the world has a short attention span. And you can only insult so many people in one sitting.

What are we trying to be?

A Quote or Two

My definition of intelligence would be the ability to see beyond the norm, learn, experience as much as is possible in one life time and question everything.
Me

You may not have a choice with the government that walks all over you, but you sure have one about the friends that do.
Me

A Rant A Day, Keeps The Voices Away

What has happened is that society has firstly gotten, let's say, STUPID. Fortunately for some, technology for gadgetry is running rampant and it can help organize your life (big smile). People will usually buy the next flashy digital whatever and stare at it in wonder all the while confusing it for innovation.

Possible causes for this are education (or lack there of) and total bombardment of the senses (or media mind control), everywhere of what to buy, how to look, what cool is and my favorite; the meassure of success. Success cannot be measured in monetary terms. It is the betterment of ones self with respect to global impact (and no it is not a glabal warming thing).

'The moral imperative of life is to live a life that detracts not at all from the lives available to those who will follow us into this world."

- Don Robertson, The American Philosopher

Basically that our vision should not be about the next 5 or even 20 years, but beyond that, a thousand years or more. At this point in time, the only innovation that is created is something that will make the masses spend more and more. The next flashy gadget or reaaaaalllllyyyyy sharp T.V. (stunned)

A What? is that what our 40 hour a week enslavement is working towards these days?
Our system of life though, dictates that we live 1/4 by 1/4. The financial quarter. Where is all this money in the world going? It seems to me that there is a huge detraction of present lives being affected everday, let alone the future. How can there be a future when most cannot even see the present.

Why are we still feeding a system that is waaaaayyyy past it's term. It has gotten downright ... what's that word? Oh yeah STUPID! Why are we still playing this game when there are plenty of resources for everyone? It's the greed that begins at the top that is the problem. Sorry, it doesn't stop there, it seeps down, and the roots have taken a very good hold. In case yawl (hope I spelt it correctly) hadn't noticed, we are in the middle of a large money grab (land too). I am getting what I can, and getting out.

The number one priority of corporations at the moment seems to be "cash on hand". Now why would that be? Anyone? Anyone? Beuller? Some say it is to by up-coming technologies, rubbish. Didn't we establish many years ago that monopolies and cartells are a bad thing? LOOK AROUND. Read the statements and see beyond them. I have found lately that when I watch something, I notice the flagrant propaganda.

Some will argue that the population explosion is to blame, and so countries like India and China are also at fault. This insessent need to blame is beyond my comprehension. You are blaming a system that you created. World Bank, IMF ring any bells?

People are also making more money, and are enticed into thinking that they need these devices, these gadgets, the flashy car, the huge house; if they want to compare penises (choose what you want ladies) then just whip them out.

If you're offended by that; then suck it up princess. I have figured out that the ones that get offended by statements are generally the ones that have stopped thinking. They could not have an original thought to save their lives at this point. Why, because they will always believe in the failing system. They take comments that are meant in a general context and personalize them; you got a personal attack out of what?

And let's not forget the fact that most people will perish in a financial collapse, simply because they will not have the knowledge to do anything not related to their carreer path in life (what do you mean you don't need an accountant at the moment; I could mow my lawn, and plant something. I know, pot, then I could sell it, and get.that..money...that....is.....currently.......useless.........doh). Learn as much as you can in life.

"What a man believes upon grossly insufficient evidence is an index into his desires — desires of which he himself is often unconscious. If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way."

— Bertrand Russell, Roads to Freedom

I saw that quote shortly after having an argument with a friend because he took something personal when we were discussig global issues. If I attack his system with logic, it is a personal one?

I was sitting at lunch the other day with an ex co-worker and others, people have not seen this guy in 3 or 4 months and the main topics of discussions were mortgages, life insurance, money; finally I broke and said that the topic of discussion had to change. That I could hear about money everywhere; on the street, on the buses, everywhere. Point is, people have nothing really to talk about in their mass produced xenophobic lives.

Divide And Conquer - ringing any bells for anyone? Anyone? Beuller?

Now here is a concept that does work. Basically you're the minority of the planet, but you want the majority to think your way. Well then why not divide and conquer? Fear is an excellent weapon here as you can make people be afraid of ... anything really, even themselves. Make them afraid of each other, make them compete with each other. Make them so xenophobic that if the world was falling apart and their neighbor came by for help, that they would be too afraid to let them in. Ding. Now keep plastering images of “good 'ol” something. Trust the product, trust the company. Ding.

Survival of the fittest? No. Survival of the richest. Why? I will tell you that it does not take intelligence to make money. But it does take cunning and a certain moral flexibility.

Spoken like a true American

There was a post a little while back on Thomas Paine's Corner called The obscenity of pursuing the American Dream that had a comment by, what sounded to me, a True American or Canadian for that matter. It was the anonymous comment that birthed this posting.

Now this posting was all over the place, yet interesting and talked about this guy's experiences on his book tour. This is the second one that I have read.

To you sir/madame I respond with this:

Your lack of reality, compassion, vision and original thought is truly astounding.

You, are the reason that everyone hates America. You're the Jeds and the Georges and the Hillarys, and whatever this guy's name is; so pay attention!

Every year, almost 9 million people die from hunger. That's 24,000 deaths a day, or one life unnecessarily lost every 3.6 seconds.

All this to preserve your precious, egocentric, top down capitalist system. (Wonder how many words I could actually fit in there, feel free to post some)

About 48 million tons of food are thrown away in the United States each year.

About 1/4 of the world's population goes hungry and about 1/3 of the food on the planet is being wasted. Someone is not doing their math, there seems to be plenty of food to go around.

"I find the comments about the American Dream obscene in that people are free to fail in this country as well as succeed." as so eloquently put by our anonymous poster.

Freedom is not merely the opportunity to do as one pleases; neither is it merely the opportunity to choose between set alternatives. Freedom is, first of all, the chance to formulate the available choices, to argue over them — and then, the opportunity to choose.

— C. Wright Mills

Choice is never really an issue, because most of them have already been taken away from you. You have a limited amount of options, you are slaves. Some will argue that you at least have those choices, those are the one's they hate.

“Freedom and Democracy is not about the Federal Government providing for every concievable need that can be imagined by people who want everything handed to them. If you live in poverty, get a job. If you are working two more more jobs and living in poverty, go back to school and get an education. People who don't have two cars, or a big screen TV or whatever think they are living in poverty.”

Once again, the linear thought patterns and lack of vision; in survival of the fittest, you would be eaten from the side.

How did we all get involved in someone else's "He with the most toys, wins" game? The fact that we’re not all born with equal access to the tools needed to even play this pyramid scheme of a game is not a concern. I did not choose this game; I have no freedom.

Someone should have made it perfectly clear to me at an early age that the only reason for life is for one to get as much money out of everyone else's pocket to put into your own.

The government does what it wants to, nickel & dimes and controls it's minions through fear, media and intimidation; all with the ultimate goal of capitalistic world domination.

The corporations pull all the strings. We'll leave, go elsewhere, or better yet. "Hey, we can make more money if we exploit developing countries governments and populations. Now tell me who couldn't figure this out? But it probably took an MBA to find a way to justify it or simply make the masses want their crappy offerings cheap enough that it was a wise idea.

"If that doesn't work, well we'll make food and water a commodity.

MAKE THEM PAY FOR EVERYTHING

HAHAHAHA

And then, what do you have? An awful lot of individuals (includes couples for you slow types) competing to survive and some actually making it in their minds. I suppose, for some of you sick ones, that it may be an entertaining way to "cull the herd". But it is getting too easy, the minds are too controllable, a collapse must happen.

Did they really think that they were going to liberate Iraq and they then would give away their oil and the trade debt could be paid faster? Sounds like a good way to “cull the herd”.

And for most of you, “it's too terrible to watch, change the channel, tint the windows, (again, how many words). But feeling some guilt just the same, and paying it away in a form of donation, or time spent because predatory capitalism is working for you.

And religion has been a way of controlling through fear of a natural cause, death, for centuries. You can argue about that somewhere else, that is my belief.

WAKE UP!! Come out of that state induced coma and see what is really going on about you. It is time for change, for our sakes and for the sake of our planet. It is time for all of you to just THINK!!

Then there might be a chance.

Question: Why the sudden renewed interest in space?
Is someone perhaps making plans to get off this rock?

OK, that's two questions. You got me.

I hope that the sting of my words combined with the programmed anger that you are experiencing has at least nudged a couple of fresh, receptive braincells into a state of awakedness (that word may be poetic license) and that, at least, they were listening.

If you're wondering, I have a job, I have the brass ring in front of me, I just don't think I want it. And you can try to guess my education level.

Now THINK

Cleaning prior posts, may start to make sense

What can I say, witness the creation of nothing much.

Not a good idea, will just post new.

check out the new and improved Save The Planet? - Not Economically Viable post below.

Still Dumping Rants

Still dumping rants, if they don't make sense, not my problem. I don't claim to be a writer.

Save The Planet? - Not Economically Viable

It's funny how a huge chunk of the world's population finally does realize that the planet is in trouble, but there is not a lot of action being taken. There are theories and possible solutions being worked on but some are not viable due to the time or economic constraints.

No-one seems able to admit that the root cause of almost all our woes is too much emphasis on economics. Economics helps to dampen technology and scientific discovery, causing evolution and advancement to slow. OK, let's say that the electric car was quashed to make sure the oil baron's would still control everything; this could be considered cause and effect.
Maybe we should all sue the oil and car companies.

Drop the economics and the world would be a much better place. If it is not economically viable, things will not happen; until it is way too late and then a plan to save the elite may have to be put into effect (hmmm, wonder why space is so suddenly important).

The feeding of the world's population - not economically viable
The world produces over 4 pounds of food per human a day. Where is it not viable? Ah yes a basic human need and right, must have a price, constant income that way and a lifetime dependence can be formed.

Finding alternative energy sources - not economically viable
As mentioned above with the electric car. Big oil does not want to shoot themselves in the foot. They want it gradual, so they can control it and own it.

Fighting pollution - not economically viable
Imagine the economical impact of lowering the emissions for everything that burns a fossil fuel in 5 - 10 years or quicker.

Keep the populous spending, feeding the economy and certain pockets. This is where all the consumerism that is destroying our planet comes from. Does it go unnoticed that everywhere you go and everything you do, someone wants to get money from you, someone wants to sell you something (needed or not)? It is beyond it's intended purpose. Fight back.

STOP BUYING THEIR CRAP

This dog eat dog free market economy is driving competition, which can be healthy, but not in this case. The measure of success is "die with the most", let me explain. How does society view success? By their standing in society, their formal education level, their employ, or by the money and possessions that individual accumulated over the period of a lifetime (he with the most toys wins). Now I know a lot of people will be offended by that statement, but look at the facts (some people notice them).

All through your life you are programmed to make money, to become a productive member of society, to help someone else make money, your boss, your corporation. A large portion of all of the worlds finances are controlled by a small percentage. This constant search for money is creating a competitive environment all around us. People don't talk any more, except about money, what they have bought, their job, their education, etc. The top 1 percent of the population (the ones that own the world) sit at the top and collect, thats all they do. It is in fact almost like a pyramid scheme, where there is a trickle down effect. Everything at the bottom feeds the top. As long as the people (corporations) at the top, seem to appease enough people on this triangle on the way to the bottom, everything is accepted. As long as a certain percentage of the population believes that their life is solely about them, (they have enough money to do what they want or at least be comfortable) the world seems to blindly accept everything that the powers that be throw at them.

There are a few exceptions though, right now there is a huge row about the RIAA and their digital music schemes. This would be one of the things that has people thinking (even if it is only briefly) that the powers that be should not control every aspect of our lives. There are the software giants that impose rules and regulations on what we can do with a piece of software that we think that we purchase and own. People are just not ready to see anything beyond their immediate needs, they are oblivious to the corporations that rule our every step in life. Funny how companies pay shit, give shit hours and expect you not have a second job, but to instead schedule your life around their needs. People accept this as the norm, someone is giving me a job, I should bend over backwards to appease them, so what if they treat me like shit, so what if they have no loyalty towards me, I have to give them mine. Bullshit. People need to wake up and smell the coffee.

Hungry? Check Out My New Phone

Every year, almost 9 million people die from hunger. That's 24,000 deaths a day, or one life unnecessarily lost every 3.6 seconds.
About 48 million tons of food are thrown away in the United States each year.
About ¼ of the world population that goes hungry and about 1/3 of the food on the planet being wasted. Someone is not doing their math, there seems to be plenty of food to go around.

Will history actually remember our times as we view them now, see all of the sports stars, movies stars and or entertainers as the gods that we revere them to be. Will they see the technological advancements in such things as horsepower and phones that can play music, or will they remember us as the society that let 24,000 people per day starve to death because they were too poor to eat, as the people that wasted tonnes of food while this happened? Will they see how people's greed has tried to stymie technology such as P2P file sharing thanks to the RIAA and such.

The Blame Game - Modern Society at It's Best?

We have turned into a society that blames whatever they can, there has to be a reason and someone or something must be held accountable for whatever is wrong. Suing for no reason, other than for the money, society and environments causing people to snap (this may be true due to the lives that we lead), trying to find an answer and point the blame for everything. Blaming is a counter-productive and addictive habit, that is depressingly bad for the character.

We have been brought up to associate competition with freedom, unfortunately in this only the strong (rich) survive. Back to the “in this day and age” comment, isn't it all the same old shit, isn't it just what Darwin said, but it's not even the strong, we have eliminated that, it is now the rich.

What I don't get is that we have all these laws to protect every different type of society, but we don't have for humanity. Societies grow thinking that they are better than other societies, they alienate the others, even not intentionally and can even be perceived as bigots.

Truth is that is the great blame-game that has been created, we have no one to blame but ourselves, for letting this get out of hand, for accepting, for not questioning and for not acting on behalf of humanity and our planet.

Beautiful & Stupid - The New Age

I have said now for a while that the society as a whole is getting better looking (thank you chemicals), I have also said that they are getting dumber. Its amazing how the general public does not even see it; like the sheep they are, they accept that the measure of one's intelligence and success, are directly related to one's ability to make money. They also believe that they live in a democratic society and that their current consumer based system is it, so much so that they insist on sharing it with the world (or ramming it down their throats).

Is there any hope for us? Will it take a lot of unnecessary time to realize that “He with the most toys” does not win; in the end your still just dead. “But I took a fortune 500 company to...” What do you think the historians will remember? This fact or that as a society, we allowed the deaths of so many, simply because they could not “afford” to live based on current monetary values measurements.

I can only speak for myself here, but I get bored, I need a challenge, I need something that I can be proud of.

It's not to say that there is no positive affects from this. There have been jobs created from all this great consumer age. Unfortunately a consumer driven society is bound to fail. Think about how the technology these days is being mainly developed in order to provide the latest toy or trinket for the masses to purchase. This then drives the economy and every one involved gets paid. If one thinks about it though, the more that technology will drive the economy in this fashion, the less that the human factor will be required. The short-sightedness of our society never ceases to amaze me, once the technology catches up (eg. Robotics) and allows us to save money by taking the humans out of the equation, we will then fall into an economical abyss. If the technology reaches this then the people (or consumers) are not getting paid, they in turn are not spending, this in turn does not encourage our consumer based economy, hmmm, not a very smart way to do things. We are also at a point that the economics of things are now hampering the development and the technologies from being brought forward or improved upon, case and point for this would be P2P software, the ability to transfer information quickly, this is being challenged because of individuals and groups that are too involved in egoism and self preservation to see any of the potential benefits to developments. Whatever one does, we cannot challenge the almighty dollar, or invent something that would undermine it's power.

I think that in the chase for the buck we have forgotten that information should be free, education is what will evolve our society and essentually help us to overcome anything that threatens us.

It never ceases to amaze me the stupidity that runs rampant through humanity. I read the news and see that it is endless. I love to read comments in the papers, usually referring to someone that is a little too sensitive, like “In this day and age”; what day and age do these people think that we are living in? The enlightened age? The digital age? No, the consumer age, the monetary age, or the whiny f**ks age would be more like it. Let me spell it out, we live in an age where the bottom dollar rules the roost, where people protest because a person that has been kept alive for 15 years by machines is taken off of life support. They call the decision makers in this murderers, yet they have no anguish about letting thousands of people die everyday just for the simple fact that they cannot “afford” to live. People suck, plain and simple. And they have their heads up their ass.

Education? Does it make money?

If you look at todays society, you will see that we are not really into the "digital "age as-so-much as we are in the "consumer" age. With this the current system needs to make sure that it is sustainable. One way is to control the amount of individual though that is acually produced at an early age narrowing their view on life in general. Our education system is quickly being moulded by the commerce society that we live in. People, rather, are not being educated, they are trained to be productive and to live up to society's measure of success. We have forgoten to teach how to learn as opposed to how to make money. Therefore the measures that are in place are based around current socialogical thinking. Intelligence in itself is an ability to absorb everything around you, to learn and adapt.

"Every single problem you can think of, poverty, peace, the environment, is solved with education or including education," - Professor Negroponte

Educational systems, governments and corporations are the ones that are shaping the youth of the world. Easiest way to stop dissent, is to train them young. They use everything from deceit to fear and isolation. With this stiffling of individual thought, original thinking and community (true community, not everyone being nice to each other and trying to impress and outdo each other), this has led to our species not evolving. This cannot be what we will evolve into. The suppression of this is due to the constant quest for cash. Money makes the world go round, no, the world still goes round before and long after the money is gone.

North American Union - no, really

CNN - North American Union - the shock, the horror. Come on, nobody saw this coming?

This was inevitable. North America is getting nervous about the E.U. and about South America.
You see, the E.U. has recently enlarged. It has added 2 new countries (with conditions). Love that. And South America is really leaning left. Oh no, not socialist, aaaahhhhhhh

I have always said, when travelling and confused for an American; "Actually I'm north, I'm America light.". Usually gets a laugh and everythings good. Soon I will be able to go further south and partake of the fine weather.

Getting rid of the borders, allows the Rich to profit by purchasing at will, whatever they want. Think about it.
And if you don't think that life is just someone else's game, you're at the wrong place.
:-)

Learn to Consume or Learn to Discover

In my opinion, there are two things that threaten us as a species;
1.What we do to our environment
2.What we do to each other

Are we doomed as a species? I tend to have a little faith left in humanity. I do believe thought that the only way that we are going to survive is to first take care of our own, as a united species, that if cared for by having access to basic human necessities such as food, water, shelter, education (education is an interesting one as our education system is quickly being moulded by the commerce society that we live in. People, rather, are not being educated, they are trained to be productive and to live up to society's measure of success.) We have forgotten to teach how to learn and discover as opposed to how to make money.

"Every single problem you can think of, poverty, peace, the environment, is solved with education or including education," said Professor Negroponte.

We are not really in the "digital "age as-so-much as we are in the "consumer" age. No faster way to destroy our planet.

Bank & Insurance for Profit?

Is it necessary for one to have a bank account and be paid by cheque (or direct deposit) in order to retain employment? Seems that way. Why is it mandated that I as a free, private citizen, must have a bank account?

The banks should be paying you to use your money, not have them mandated and charge us monthly fees, ensuring a constant flow of revenue.

It's bad enough that the insurance companies, which are privately owned, are mandated by law.

If something is mandated, it should not be used to generate income other than to cover costs. Maybe the state should own any industry that it mandates.

Saving The Planet For Profit

The climate change issue finally seems to have been accepted. Now they are falling over themselves trying to lessen the economic impacts.
The oil barons know that if there is a sudden new technology that makes oil obsolete, their importance in humanity may also change. Now they are "investing" in alternate technologies, what a surprise, of course they want to own the new and emerging technologies. Just because a technological advancement could save humanity, does not mean that it should be freely available. What is that?

"The development of alternate technologies can be a very profitable business." - Cheeny quote CNN interview for Melting Point.

Don't Mind The Clutter

In case anyone actually reads this, don't mind me if I dump some previous rants.

The meaning of life?

Someone should have made it perfectly clear to me at an early age that the only reason for life is for one to get as much money out of everyone else's pocket to put into your own.
How you go about it, is your choice and what your conscience allows. But is it really? Most of the choices have been taken away before you even choose.

How did we all get involved in someone else's "He with the most toys, wins" game? The fact that we’re not all born with equal access to the tools needed to even play this pyramid scheme of a game is not a concern.

The government does what it wants to, nickle & dimes and controls it's mingnons through fear and media, and the ultimate goal is capitalistic world domination.
And religion has been a way of controling through fear of a natural cause, death, for centuries.

WAKE UP!! Come out of that state induced coma and see what is really going on about you. It is time for change, for our sakes and for the sake of our planet.

2002 Stopped on the Caprivi Strip to help across road