I don't know what to do anymore. Am I the one who is crazy? Do I believe that I am more intelligent than others? I don't think so but it frustrates me to no end when people project and propagate their obvious ignorance and insecurity at me.
Their need to project intelligence and "save face" when staring down the barrel of logic and comprehension actually impairs their ability to learn; they create their own blocks and a battle of egos ensues. This can best be described as "institutionalized stupidity". When people actually believe that if everyone says it that there must be some truth in it. Am I the only one which recalls learning about Columbus and the "world is flat" incident?
When did "ego" or "self" surpass common sense and humanity? Was it as parents when we started telling our children constantly that they are "special"? When did "what others think of me" become our Achilles heel? Was it in school with the "cool" or "not" distinctions? Is this the future for humanity? A populous which believes it is special, whom always tries to find the "easy way out" and whom demands respect without earning it? Has the concept of respect changed? After all, we seem to believe that getting an education, a job and purchasing a home are all proof of our having "grown up". Are we proud to be a society based on economic variations of "success" which promotes "competition" at all levels?
So we blindly follow the economic trail and as long as we are "comfortable", we accept the controls put upon us at every turn without more than a fleeting question of their validity; always accepting that it is for the best or that one person ruined it for everyone else. Our disdain for our fellow humans is evident as we believe that everyone could succumb to aberrant behavior, so we must always be on our guard. It must be true for why else would we build more and more correctional institutions; and I am the one which is usually portrayed as "dark" or "negative" :-)
Programmed to fear the worst through the propagation of mandatory and "elective" social conditions such as insurance, we gladly hand over our life credits and any decision making under the auspices of security and protection from the terrifying world of "what if". Laws are constantly being enacted to take away any freedoms (to protect us from ourselves) which we may have enjoyed, eroding with it any public resistance as the collective defend their loss of liberties with programmed responses such as "if we let 1 person do it, then everybody will"; conveniently eliminating the need for individual thought because at least "I" had a response and "I" find life comfortable. Why think when it has all been tried and failed and this is the best system?
Being one of the few which seems to see through the obvious lies and manipulations, the fears and control mechanisms which permeate every fiber of our sociological and psychological lives and the constant triggers and reactions of the defensive flock forever defending their ignorance and claiming knowledge; I find myself at odds with the very essence of what it means today to exist. As I witness the never ending emotional and psychological competitions which occur around me, they tear away at any hope and belief in humanity which I may once have held on to; I am, as a result, ashamed to be human.
How can I evolve like this? Where can I go to escape the daily madness which is accepted as "normal"; making me a potentially hostile individual. You know the type; loner, pays cash, fixes instead of buys (collects junk), bitches about the system; the type which arouses suspicion and caution. How do I keep from going insane when the problem seems to begin collectively, with a consciousness which predictably reacts to the unknown with suspicion and defense of "our way of life"?
This is a plea to anyone who is listening; I need more. I need to find a place where I can belong, where I can freely express myself, where I can use my mind, where I don't have to "compete" for my dignity and where I can really contribute. I need to find people with which I can really communicate with, which won't judge me for what I do know and which I can truly evolve with and learn from. Does such a place or people really exist? Am I being Utopian or overly idealistic? Help!